Hands in the Darkness
by ladygris
Summary: Dr. Carson Beckett has set out on his own crusade against Micheal's modified Hoffan drug. But, when that crusade turns very personal, can he continue the fight?
1. Prologue

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing related to Stargate: Atlantis or its wonderful characters. All original characters are my fault, as well as the plot.

**Author's Note:** As I was writing "What Makes a Man," I watched the Season 5 episode "Whispers" as a time marker in the story. I was struck by the character of Carson Beckett. With that one small thought, this story was born. Special thanks to **theicemenace** for beta work and **Ani-maniac494** for help proofing and brainstorming. You gals make it easy and fun to write! Also, this story is something of a sequel/companion to my Keller/Lorne story "No Matter What." It's not necessary to read that one, though this may contain some spoilers for it. I'll try to explain them if I do use anything. And, since this is set in Season 5, consider this a spoiler warning for anything and any time in the show. I hope you enjoy my idea of what it must have been to be a doctor, traveling the Pegasus galaxy and giving hope to those ravaged by Michael. ~lg

_oOo_

"_Hope is faith holding out its hand in the dark." ~George Iles_

_oOo_

Carson approached the door to the tiny cabin and stepped inside. This had once been a refuge for him, a place where he escaped the horror and suffering of the clinic. In the last two days, it had been turned into its own clinic.

Omari glanced up from her seat next to the window and simply offered him a smile. The woman was barely out of her own sickbed, but she'd willingly helped him. Carson set aside his stained lab coat and touched her shoulder. "How is she?"

"Not good." Omari shook her head, her voice weak as she turned to the pallet on the floor. Her pretty blond hair had thinned in recent weeks, a testament of her struggle against the modified Hoffan virus. She'd lost weight, as well, but her green eyes burned brightly. Maybe a touch too brightly, because Carson thought he saw tears.

Carson frowned at her. "And how are you feelin,' lass?"

"I am. . .fine." Omari shrugged off his hand. "Carson, you are a good man. You need not concern yourself with me."

"On the contrary." Carson headed for the kitchen area of the cabin. "You're my friend, and that means I worry. Especially since you should also be in one of those beds. At least for a few more days."

Omari blew a raspberry at him.

Rather than continuing the argument, Carson set out the canned goods he'd brought from the infirmary storeroom. Canned meat and veggies wouldn't be the most palatable meal, but it would give him strength for the long night ahead. Before long, however, he'd have to call in help or risk his own physical break-down. He'd kept up with his injections from Dr. Keller, but that only stopped the necrosis in his internal organs. It provided no other nutrition on which he could rely.

Rustling came from within the sheets hung around the sick bed, and Omari shuffled inside. The women's voices could be heard, one rougher than the other. Carson blinked away the sudden rush of tears as he listened. He could still recall the last woman he'd lost to this virus. Perna had been one of the creators, one of those responsible for this nightmare. So was he, and he lived with that every day.

Because of him, the woman he loved was dying. Again. Carson set a plate of food on the table for Omari, knowing he'd have a difficult time holding anything down. He'd kept these thoughts at bay for so long that they begged for release. Just as his emotions did. Instead, he tamped them down and put on his doctor's face. He used it every day to comfort and soothe the fears of the dying. He knew nothing to help with this illness, nothing that he'd tried did much besides managing the symptoms. Who lived and who died seemed entirely random, as did the treatments that made the difference.

Did he have the strength to lose another woman to the Hoffan drug? Carson dropped into a chair and picked at his food just to keep Omari from fussing at him. Even worse than knowing that he was about to lose another woman to the Hoffan drug was the knowledge that he'd helped create this version of it. Of course, he'd been in Michael's custody all that time and really had no choice in the matter, but it still hurt. A lot. Omari didn't know half of what Carson knew about this disease.

The curtains pushed to the side, and Omari stepped out. "She's asking for you."

Carson set down his fork without having ever taken a bite and entered the "sickroom." He'd originally hung the curtains to give her privacy in the one-room cabin they shared. But, now, it kept her separated from the rest of the sick. Rather than letting his worry show, he smiled.

"Carson." Her voice was whisper-soft, and her blue eyes smiled at him. She had an oxygen cannula around her ears, and she drew on it frequently. Her breathing came in short spurts, almost like Perna's had at this stage.

He knelt next to her pallet and took her hand in his. "Hello, love."

She smiled at the endearment, not really understanding how much he meant it. "You're worried?"

"Aye." He nodded.

"I'm too sick, aren't I?"

"Aye," he said again. It was the truth. She should have started to recover by now. He really needed to go over her medical records and figure out why she'd been hit this hard.

"Maybe it's scarring on my lungs." She'd picked up on his thoughts and sought for an explanation. "I had pneumonia a couple times when I was young. Wouldn't that do this?"

"It could." He shifted to where he was sitting on the floor rather than kneeling. Part of him wanted to stretch out and hold her close to him, giving her a softer pillow than just the wooden floor. But he might be called away during the night again.

She drew on the oxygen once again, and her eyes, normally a vibrant blue, faded just a touch. They fluttered open. "I'm sorry." She pulled her hand from his and touched his face. "This isn't your fault."

She fell asleep before he could tell her that it was. Carson gently laid her hand back on her stomach and stared at her face. Her brown hair was oily and clinging to her sweaty face. The fever that ravaged her body had been multiplied. Omari's illness, while it still clung to her, hadn't been this bad.

Rather than leaving her alone, Carson stayed next to her. Omari poked her head inside and whispered that she was leaving. He nodded, thankful that she would get her rest. And it left him alone with his thoughts.

Last time, he had no idea what to do about the illness. This time, however, he was better equipped. He knew how this virus had been designed, how it worked, and what counteracted it. Unfortunately, none of those remedies had helped. He turned back to the woman on the pallet, seeing past her pale skin and shallow breaths. Even now, she was the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen. His past with Perna aside, he knew he would never stop loving this woman, no matter how this ended for her.

That made his decision. For days, he'd considered pushing the "help button," as Colonel Sheppard called it. Ever since she fell ill a week ago, he'd thought about returning to Atlantis. He'd always put it off because she rallied. But a quick check of her vitals told him that her fever had spiked. _She may not get another chance_, he thought.

"Just hang in there, lass." Carson brushed her hair from her face. "I'll be back. Just. . .hang on!"

He left the curtained area and rushed to the clinic. Omari was still awake, still moving around the clinic and helping others. He carefully stepped through the pallets and touched her shoulder. "I need to go to the gate and. . . .Can you stay with her?"

Omari nodded. "You are calling your people?"

"Aye." Carson sighed and rubbed his eyes. "She needs help I can't provide."

Omari simply touched his elbow and headed back to the cabin. Carson watched her go, grateful beyond words for what she'd done up until now. With someone in the cabin, he set out on foot. The moon was full, and the path to the Stargate well-lit. Once there, the glow of the chevrons lit his face as he dialed and fished a radio from his pocket. After entering his IDC, he activated the radio. "Atlantis base, this is Carson Beckett. Please come in."

"Dr. Beckett, this is Mr. Woolsey." The bureaucrat's matter-of-fact manner came over the radio link. "What can we do for you?"

"I have a patient who needs advanced medical care." He rubbed his face. "Colonel Sheppard said to call if I needed anythin'."

After a moment, Woolsey's voice came back. "I've informed Dr. Keller, and she should be ready to head out within the half hour. Is there anything we can do until then?"

"No." Carson triggered the radio once more. "Beckett out." More tired and alone than he'd ever been, he sat down next to the DHD and waited.

_oOo_

Carson walked through the halls of Atlantis, following the hospital bed. When Keller came through, she wore hazmat gear and brought a portable medical isolation unit with her. Carson had helped load the patient into the unit and carried any personal effects that might be needed back through the gate. Now, he blinked at the sudden change in light. It was late afternoon, early evening here on New Lantea, not nearly midnight.

Ahead of him, Keller spoke rapidly to the nurses with her. The patient was in some sort of coma, and Jennifer wanted to get her under a scanner to figure out how serious her illness really was. Carson could have told them that she'd die if they didn't do something soon. But he couldn't. He was too tired, and his emotions were too involved. He couldn't speak, even if he'd tried.

In the infirmary, Carson watched as Jennifer drew back the plastic curtains of the infirmary's isolation unit. The orange suits of medical personnel hovered, getting fresh oxygen to the patient while starting the scanner and taking vitals. As they worked, alarms began blaring, and Jennifer whirled suddenly.

"She's crashing!"

With those two words, Carson's entire world collapsed.

~TBC


	2. Little Things

Four weeks earlier. . . .

Carson Beckett had been working for seventeen hours straight. No breaks, not even for meals. He'd sipped water and a weak tea that the locals offered him, but he still felt the headache brought on by too much work and not enough food.

Stripping the gloves from his hands, he rubbed his eyes and looked around. These people needed him. He'd been on this world for two weeks now, serving and trying to ease the pain Michael had inflicted. While Michael had ceased infecting worlds with his modified Hoffan drug, the survivors of that drug somehow carried it to new worlds, infecting new people and causing new epidemics. It was a never ending cycle, one he hoped to eventually end.

But, for now, he needed food. And rest. He'd only slept for three hours before the newest round of patients had come to the clinic, some of them too sick to do much more than relieve their symptoms until the end. It wore on him, and he felt the pressure like nothing else. He knew what it felt like to die, to waste away from something inside about which you could do nothing.

Realizing that he could do nothing else tonight, Carson pushed to his feet and left the clinic. He had nurses, local volunteers who sat with the sick and comforted them as they died. Carson hated that he could only save a third of the people, and that third would likely carry the plague with them wherever they went. Choosing not to think about that aspect of this entire ordeal, he entered the one-room house he'd been given near the clinic and found a plate of food sitting on the table. A napkin covered it, and he smiled.

When he showed up on a new world, people flocked to him. He was from Atlantis, the City of the Ancestors, and they trusted him. He was honest, gently telling them the truth about their illness and the likelihood of their recovery. And he always had one family that provided for him. This world was no different. Tonight, he found a simple yet filling meal on the table, the plate still warm though the food wasn't exactly fresh. Rather than complaining, he settled on the three-legged stool to eat.

Stomach filled, Carson gathered some clean clothing from his suitcase and headed for the rear of the house. He'd educated these people on the benefits of cleanliness, and they'd begun making changes. Tonight, he drew cold water from the well and scrubbed his body while shivering in the damp evening air. Rain was coming, and he wanted to make the most of it by sleeping the night away.

With his hair looking a lot like Sheppard's, Carson slipped into his pallet with a sigh. He'd once slept in the best beds humanity had to offer, but, tonight, he was grateful for a thin mat with clean sheets and a thin blanket. As soon as his head touched the pillow he began drifting.

Voices outside his door pulled him from the brink of sleep. He'd barely managed to get his eyes to stay open when someone pounded on the door.

"Alright, keep yer shirt on." Carson sat up and reached for the pullover he kept at the foot of his bed. He padded across the room and opened the door, expecting another patient or a nurse telling him the end had come.

Sheppard grinned at him. "Hey, Doc."

Carson blinked stupidly. "Colonel?" Then, he realized that he was staring. "Come in." Stepping back, he let the small group into his home, surveying them as they did so. Sheppard looked good. About the same as he always did, with that hair that just refused to lay down. Rodney seemed piqued, like he'd been dragged out of the house at midnight. Teyla smiled gently, Ronon carried several crates, and a fifth person ducked through the door.

Carson stared. When he'd last seen Alison Porter, she'd been headed back to Earth and to the funeral for Alicia Vega. Their experiences with Michael's early hybrids had dampened everything he'd hoped to share with her, so it was a surprise to see her here.

She smiled at him, her blue eyes hesitant as a lock of dark hair fell over one eyebrow. Her hair seemed a touch longer, though it could be his faulty memory. But she held his gaze without looking away. "Dr. Beckett, it's good to see you again."

"Oh, aye!" Carson smiled and finally closed the door behind the group. "You, too, Dr. Porter. When did you get back?"

"About two days ago." She nodded. "I took some time to decide if I wanted to stay on Major Teldy's team." She shook her head, glancing away as her eyes filled with tears. "I couldn't. . . ."

Carson touched her shoulder, understanding the emotional agony she felt. "I know," he said softly. Rather than drawing further attention to her, he turned to Sheppard. "Colonel, what brings you out tonight?"

"Actually, doc, it's noon back on Atlantis." Sheppard glanced around. "You've got a nice place here."

"Oh, I don't know about that." Carson shook off the lingering headache and walked over to the wood burning stove, stirring the coals as he talked over his shoulder. "But it's better than sleeping on the hard ground or having the rain run you out of your bed."

"I'm sure it is." Sheppard rocked forward onto the balls of his feet and then dropped back on his heels. "So, we thought we'd bring you some supplies."

Rodney, who had been slowly circling the room, turned. "And help," he said.

Carson blinked and glanced at Dr. Porter. "You?"

She nodded with an embarrassed expression on her face. "Me."

Carson couldn't keep the grin from his face. "It'll be great to have ye here."

"Thank you, Dr. Beckett."

"Carson, please." He smiled, still exhausted but more than happy to ignore the symptoms. Turning, he found Teyla smiling, Sheppard smirking, and Rodney glancing between him and Alison. "What?"

"Nothing." Sheppard shrugged. "Just wonderin' where you want the supplies."

"How much is there?"

"Just a Jumper full."

Carson's eyes nearly bugged out of his head. "A _Jumper_ full? Of what?"

Sheppard motioned to Alison, and she shrugged. "Medications, stuff Dr. Keller thinks might help the symptoms, gloves, bandages, blankets, sheets, computer equipment, extra batteries. . . ." She grinned at him. "A portable lab."

Carson actually laughed. "I don't know what to say."

Ronon, of all people, stepped forward. "Just tell us where to put it."

A flurry of activity ensued, with Carson directing the chaos while Alison tried to help as much as possible. Finally, the small home was filled with medical equipment and humanitarian supplies, something Carson had been unable to provide. He'd contacted Atlantis when he'd changed planets, following the disease, but he'd run dry a long time ago. Standing back, he surveyed the pile. "This should make an interesting day tomorrow."

Sheppard eyed him. "Just be careful, Doc."

Carson nodded. "Aye." He sighed tiredly. Now that the surprise of Sheppard's presence had worn off, his exhaustion returned. He glanced at Alison. "No offense, Dr. Porter, but no one else came with you?"

She shook her head regretfully. "Sorry. Just me."

For a moment, Carson's mind went to every problem with that. There was too much work for just two people. She'd be working in some of the worst possible situations, and they would need a lot more than this to help combat the sickness Michael had unleashed. And Alison was pretty. Carson shook his head and nodded. "Aye. And you're a welcome sight. I'd just hoped. . . ."

She nodded. "I understand."

Sheppard looked at Carson. "Is there anything else you need?"

Carson eyed the supplies, seeing the hours of work just to get them organized and distributed. "No, Colonel. Thank you for bringing these."

Sheppard nodded and smiled at Alison. "Dr. Porter." He led his team from the small house.

Carson let out a deep breath, feeling the tiny house shrink. He'd liked Alison when they got the chance to work together last time, and he hadn't quite forgotten the way she made him feel years younger. And alive. But having her in his home, humble though it may have been, was intimate. They had nowhere to hide. He turned to her. "I hate to sound rude or ungrateful, but you should get some sleep."

She nodded at him. "You're right." Rather than glancing around, she went directly to a single crate. "I brought some things. I hope you don't mind."

Carson frowned until she opened the crate and pulled out a brand new pillow. "Oh, you are a treasure."

She flushed. "I don't know about that. But I figured I'd help make things as comfortable as possible." She held up a vacuum-sealed package. "A pillowcase fresh from the dryer."

He shook his head. "You have no idea. . . ."

"I think I do." She smiled. "I got the offer to come work with you while I was back on Earth. I thought about it for a long time before I agreed. Then, I spent as much time thinking about what I'd miss being away from Atlantis. Freshly washed sheets was one. A good pillow."

"Good strong coffee," he added and laughed when she held up another vacuum-sealed package. "You thought of everything!"

"I hope so." She smiled and then glanced around. "I have a tent, or I can set up my pallet in the clinic."

"Oh, nonsense!" Carson also looked around and cleared a spot near the stove. "I don't know how cold you get at night, but you can sleep over here. I'll be a proper gentleman, and we'll work it out just fine."

Alison flushed again. "Thank you, Dr. Beckett."

"Carson." He couldn't resist smiling at her. "I thought we agreed to that a while ago."

"We did." She held his gaze for a few more moments and then found her bedroll. "Have a good night, Carson."

"You, too, Alison." He carried the fresh pillow over to his pallet and kicked aside the flattened one he'd been given by his host. Opening the vacuum-sealed pack with the pillow case in it, he smiled as he slipped the case onto the pillow. It even sounded crisp. Ignoring the woman quietly setting up her bed across the room, he buried his face in the pillow and took a deep breath. It smelled like home.

Lying down, Carson sighed as the quality pillow supported his neck. He loved freshly-washed linens. It reminded him of those summer days in the highlands when his mum took the laundry out to dry on the line rather than in the dryer. During his last trip to Earth, he'd looked her up. She was happily living in a retirement community some distance from home. Carson had cried as he drove away, knowing he wouldn't even be able to attend her funeral. Not as himself, anyway. When that day came, he'd likely find a way to disguise himself and go.

He shifted in his pallet and listened to Alison sigh as she settled in for the night. Her breathing evened out, and he smiled. The pillowcases were a small thing, but they made a big difference.

Carson Beckett fell asleep happy to know that he was no longer alone in his fight against Michael's cruel experiments.

oOo

Alison Porter lay in her pallet, staring at the ceiling and wide awake. The time change in Pegasus always threw her, and she knew she likely wouldn't sleep for hours. But Carson needed her to relax. She'd glanced over at him as he lay down and saw the way he buried his face into the pillow and breathed in the fresh smell of the pillowcase. It was such a small thing, but seeing his reaction made her happy.

His breathing hitched, and he snored softly. Alison smiled at that and pulled the book and flashlight from their hiding place under her pillow. Rolling onto her side, she flipped on the light and began reading. She'd brought a lot of her favorite novels in a compressed file on one of the computers, but she sometimes wanted the old-fashioned feel of an honest-to-goodness book. Tonight's novel was no exception. She was quickly drawn into the world of a woman searching for her missing drug addict daughter as the police tried to catch her interventionist's killer. The story intrigued Alison, as did the heartbeat of the mother, and she fell asleep as she read the final pages of the book.

~TBC

**Author's Note II:** The book mentioned here is one that I read as I started this story. It's called "Intervention," by Terri Blackstock. Hope you enjoyed the chapter! ~lg


	3. First Day

**Author's Note:** Just a quick reminder that Carson and Alison are working in epidemic conditions. This chapter contains the death of a child, one that I didn't necessarily want to write but was necessary for the story. You'll understand as the story progresses, but I wanted to add this warning so that no one was caught off guard. Enjoy. ~lg

oOo

Alison woke with a start the next morning. Her head ached, and she felt the muscles in her back protest sleeping on a hard floor. Across the room, Carson still snored softly. Rolling onto her side, she sat up and pushed her hair from her eyes. A window next to Carson's bed showed that the sky had barely begun to lighten, and Alison shook her head. Today would be tough. She would survive on what amounted to an afternoon nap.

As quietly as she could, she pushed to her feet and grabbed her jacket. She'd slept fully clothed and now slipped out of the one-room house to find a place to relieve herself. A crude outhouse sat behind the house, and she hiked the path without complaining. She hadn't signed up to work in a state-of-the-art hospital, but this was primitive at its best.

After taking care of business, Alison took a few moments to enjoy her surroundings. The outhouse had been set back amongst the trees, and she heard the morning birds beginning their song. Lights glowed from the nearby clinic, a wooden building Colonel Sheppard had pointed out the night before, and she saw the vague hints of people moving around inside. What was that clinic like? Sheppard had said this world had been hit harder than most, and Alison tried to prepare herself for the worst. If the lines on Carson's face were any indication, she'd need what little strength she possessed. And more.

The treeline led into a light forest and followed a stream that bubbled and chattered as it made its way toward whatever ocean this world offered. The gate was located about half an hour's walk the other direction, and Alison knew getting help from Atlantis would be difficult at best. She hoped and prayed that they wouldn't need more than humanitarian aid, but the threat of the Wraith was always present.

She began to walk back to the house as she thought about her options. Carson's home was small, but he was the perfect gentleman. She had no doubt he'd make every effort to keep things proper between them, and Alison appreciated that. She hadn't come here looking for a relationship, though the brief chemistry she'd felt with Carson the last time had finally convinced her. Then, she smiled. Her _mother_ had convinced her to return. Oh, the woman didn't know the half of what her daughter did, but she was wise to the ways of humanity. When Alison explained that she'd been offered a job working with a doctor in the wilds of a third world country, her mother immediately began asking questions about the doctor. Alison had tried to stay objective, but their first meeting had stirred so many different emotions. Hope. Attraction. Sorrow. Her time with Carson had ended with Alicia Vega's death. And, when she explained as much as she could, her mother told her that she _had_ to return. She _had_ to know if this doctor could be The One.

Shaking her head now, Alison glanced at the sky and wondered why she ever listened to the woman when she went into matchmaker mode. Her mother had the best intentions for her, but she still managed to convince Alison to do crazy things. Like return to Pegasus. Though, based on how Carson had responded last night, he needed the help.

For the first time since the funeral, Alison allowed her mind to return to that one fateful night. They'd met up with Colonel Sheppard and Dr. Beckett, both of whom had come to investigate the lab Major Teldy's team had found. The actions of a desperate villager released the monsters, and Alison had watched as Carson and Sheppard exterminated them one by one. Teldy and Mehra helped, of course. But Alison had merely gotten lost in the mist. And that stung. She didn't want to be the helpless scientist that got the team in trouble more often than not. She wanted to be strong, to help and contribute. But, after Vega's death, she just wasn't prepared to rejoin an active team.

So she joined Carson. The irony of that made her snort at the sky, and she resumed her walk back to the cabin. She hadn't just returned to Pegasus to work in a nice, sterile lab in Atlantis. She'd returned to the wilds of Pegasus. The things they faced out here could be just as great as the threats faced by off world teams.

Alison blinked away the ideas of what could happen and turned toward the front door of the cabin. A woman stood there, hand poised to knock. Alison rushed forward. "Excuse me? Sorry! Didn't mean to startle you."

The woman, who only looked vaguely startled, held a plate. "Can I help you?"

"Uh. . .yeah." Alison gave a little laugh. "I just wanted to make sure you didn't wake the doctor."

The other woman's face softened slightly. "I heard that a helper arrived last night for him. You're that helper?"

"Yeah." Alison let out a deep breath. "I'm still new here, so I was just. . . .Anyway, I wanted to let Dr. Beckett rest as much as possible."

The woman nodded. "I agree. He has been a wonderful help to our village, but he pushes himself too hard." She held out the plate. "I did not know you were here, or I would have brought you some food as well."

Alison waved a hand. "Don't worry about it." She stood awkwardly for a moment. "I'm Alison, by the way."

"I am Omari." The woman lifted the plate. "If you'd like, I can return with more food for you, as well."

Alison sensed the desire to help and knew she needed to tread carefully. "That would be wonderful, but not necessary."

"I disagree." Omari smiled slyly. "You have not seen how Dr. Beckett _doesn't_ eat. I'll return shortly."

Alison watched the woman head back to the village, amazed at the generosity of these people. She supposed it came from a grateful heart, and she slipped inside while trying to ignore the smell from the plate. It may have been alien to her, but it smelled great! Lifting the napkin covering the meal, she found some sort of fried meat along with tough biscuits. Setting the plate on the table, she peeked around the piles of stuff and found Carson still sleeping. He'd rolled onto his side sometime in the night and had half buried his face in the pillow. Smiling at his boyish appearance, Alison carefully moved crates and boxes until she found what she wanted.

The crate opening startled Carson awake, and he sat up as Alison cringed. "What. . .?" He blinked at her and then at the window. "It's morning?"

She smiled at him, already enjoying the surprised expression on his face. "Yes, it's morning." Figuring that the damage had been done, she continued opening the crate and pulled out such items as Bisquick and other non-perishable foods that she'd talked Sheppard into sending. "I met Omari, by the way."

Carson watched her carefully as she carried the box of pancake mix over to the stove. "Aye. Omari's a good woman."

Alison didn't glance over her shoulder, though she wondered at the warmth in Carson's voice. Had he found someone on one of these worlds that made him happy? While they hadn't shared much beyond a few laughs, Alison had somewhat hoped they could rekindle their own chemistry. She didn't want to intrude, however, and chose not to comment.

Behind her, Carson rose and rustled about, eventually leaving the cabin. Alison breathed a sigh of relief. She'd rarely seen him as anything but put-together, so seeing the startled expression on his face as he awoke both worried her and endeared him to her. How long had it been since he'd slept through the night?

Omari returned before Alison had finished the pancakes. She offered another plate of food and another welcome to Alison before leaving to work in the clinic. Alison carried the food to the table and tossed the hard biscuits on a plate. She had no desire to be rude, but some things weren't meant to be saved from one day to the next. Bread was one of them. She used the one skillet in Carson's home to make pancakes, burning the edges of more than a few as she figured out how to operate the wood burning stove. By the time he returned, however, she had a warm breakfast on the table and cold water from the well outside. Figuring she'd done what she could, she waited for him to settle and wondered just what the day would bring.

oOo

Carson stared at the breakfast that Alison Porter served him and smiled. He hadn't eaten this good in. . .well, since he left Atlantis. The locals did their best, but times were hard. Omari always made sure the food was filling, but she needed to feed her own family first. Having pancakes fresh from the stove was wonderful, even if the edges were burnt.

As she settled across from him, Alison flushed. "Sorry." She motioned to his plate. "About the pancakes, I mean. I'm not used to. . . ."

Rather than speaking, Carson reached out and covered her hand. "It's no problem, love." He reached for the syrup she'd brought. "This is wonderful just as it is."

She looked a bit relieved and quietly ate her meal. Carson also ate, surprised that he'd slept through the night. Either no one had died, or the locals realized just how tired he really was. Looking at the piles of stuff in his home, he knew that this day would be long and tiring. Just like every other day on this world.

Alison stirred as she neared the end of their meal. "I don't want to bring up a bad subject or anything, but. . . ." Her voice trailed off.

When she didn't continue, Carson smiled. "Yes?"

"How bad is it?" She motioned toward the clinic. "Really?"

His appetite didn't vanish. He had too many years of working in war-torn countries and with Michael for talk of death to diminish how much he ate. Besides, he needed his strength. Still, he glanced down and speared the last bite of meat on his plate. "Bad." After chewing and swallowing, he met her eyes. "There were no sanitary conditions here when I arrived. That, alone, killed a good portion of the sick. Since I've been here, we've seen a slight decrease in fatalities, though many of those infected still die."

"But _how_ are they infected?" She shrugged. "I read that the Hoffan drug was a unique protein that made certain people immune to the Wraith. That it was administered, not 'caught.'"

"Aye, it was." Carson nodded. "But we're dealing with a modified version of that drug. This is _Michael's_ drug. He wanted to make these people immune to the Wraith, but he didn't care how many actually died. The unforeseen side effect was that some of those who do become immune to the Wraith actually become carriers for the disease."

"So the infected return home, thinking they're cured, only to infect their families?"

"Aye."

"And do their families survive?"

Carson pushed away his plate, the sorrow inside stealing the appetite that talk of death had left. "No." He let out a quick sigh, wishing he knew what to do. He'd watched too many of the survivors bury husbands, wives, parents, and children. "It appears that the same protein markers that help them survive the Hoffan drug aren't passed from parent to child. They're entirely random, much like a family with blond hair and brown eyes suddenly has a red-headed, green-eyed child. We're dealing with things at a genetic level, and some of those things can't be predicted from person to person."

Alison set down her fork. "I'm sorry I asked."

"Don't be." He reached to cover her hand again. "You could not have known the answers, and these are things you need to know for your time here."

"Yeah, but I could have waited until after we'd eaten."

"Alison, love, I haven't eaten that well since Atlantis." He watched her smile make a slight appearance. "Don't fret on my account."

She nodded and rose to clear the table as Carson eyed the pile of humanitarian supplies. There was so much to be distributed, and he didn't know exactly what had been brought from Atlantis. He supposed that he'd take Alison to check in at the clinic and spend much of the day cataloging and organizing the supplies for future use. The clinic had a back room they could use as storage, and he supposed it broke the routine of life hunched over a microscope.

Letting Alison worry about the dishes just this once, Carson straightened his own corner and set about making a plan for the rest of the day.

oOo

After washing the few dishes she'd used, Alison followed Carson into the clinic. She regretted asking him about the Hoffan drug, but she needed to know the effects. She was completely unprepared for the reality that met her.

Pallets had been arranged on the floor with precision that spoke of time spent in hospitals. Several had curtains around them, the closest thing to isolation one could get. All of the nurses wore cloths over their noses and mouths, and Alison knew that it would do little to stop the spread of disease. But Carson worked with what he had. Looking over at him, she watched as he donned a dingy white lab coat, one that looked as if it had been washed multiple times over. He'd set up areas with basins for cleanliness, and each of the nurses used running water to wash after every patient. Still, it was. . .primitive.

Carson glanced over at her. "I know it's not quite what you're used to."

She waved aside his concern. "You're helping. That's what matters."

"Aye, I suppose it does." He gave her a smile that brought out his dimples but didn't reach his eyes. "Let's introduce you and get started for the day."

Alison followed him from person to person, committing all the nurses' names to memory while trying to figure out how he kept up with all the patient information. All of them showed the same symptoms, but they had all reached various stages with the disease. Alison tried not to wrinkle her nose as one patient was cleaned after vomiting into a pail. She'd encountered illness in a hospital before. During her residency, she'd been required to work various departments to get a feel for what each one needed. But this. . . . This was insanity. And Carson did it every day.

_You will, too,_ a little voice reminded her. She dutifully trailed after Carson as he headed for the store room at the rear of the clinic. Part of her was relieved for leaving the filth and sickness behind while the other part of her hated how she felt. She'd decided to return to Pegasus based on her mother's urging that she return to Carson. And she wondered if she could handle it.

Carson took some time to consider the supplies in the store room as Alison discreetly moved to the window and breathed in the fresh air. She knew she'd soon become accustomed to the smell of sickness, but it bothered her right now.

"Okay." Carson turned. "I think we can store the foodstuffs here, just what we can't fit in the house. And the medical supplies can go. . .there. That leaves the medications for me to figure out."

"Don't you want those locked away?"

"Aye." He shrugged. "No matter what world you're on, you need to be careful." He rubbed his hands together. "Shall we get started?"

Alison eagerly followed him back to the cabin and began sorting the supplies. Some of them, like the crate with the fresh linens and extra clothing, were scooted to one side of the room. She'd packed fresh lab coats for each of them as well as several changes of clothing for herself. She'd left Carson's things up to Sheppard and McKay. The food supplies soon filled the empty shelves in the cabin, and Alison vaguely wondered if she could find some fabric to hang over the open shelves. As it was, it looked very rustic and somewhat endearing. Carson seemed happy with the supplies, but Alison knew he'd give many of them away. They carried the same amount of canned food to the store room as they stocked in the cabin, drawing attention at all the traffic they produced.

Halfway through the day, Alison's energy waned. She saw Carson's concerned gaze as they ate a quick lunch and straightened her shoulders. If he could do this job, then so could she. Never mind the fact that she'd only had enough sleep to amount to an afternoon nap. She needed to get accustomed to the day-night cycle on this world. By the end of the day, however, the huge pile of supplies had been whittled down to three crates. One had Alison's personal effects. One held Carson's personal effects, and the third was general supplies for the house. Alison glanced around, wondering if she should turn the sheets into curtains just for a bit of privacy.

Carson turned, holding one of the packages of freshly-washed sheets. "Don't take this the wrong way, love, but it seems a shame to hang these fresh linens from the ceiling."

She smiled. "I was just thinking the same thing."

He looked up. "I like you and all, but I'm thinkin' you'd prefer a bit of privacy every now and again. Especially since it looks to be a rather long stay in places like this."

She wanted to tell him that she'd be fine, but she couldn't be certain. "I appreciate it."

He stared balefully at the vacuum-sealed package before his face lit up. "How about this? We wash the sheets and blankets that have been used, keep the fresh ones for ourselves, and hang the old ones?" Then, he frowned. "That sounded selfish."

Alison set aside the military wool blanket she'd been fiddling with and pushed to her feet. "Carson, you're—we're—out here with no support, no friends, and very little in the way of comfort on our side. You spend your days in that clinic, serving others. You deserve to have a place to return to that's all yours, that you don't have to worry whether the sheets are stained or not, that smells good." Then, she nearly ducked when he gave her a sharp glance, embarrassed that her earlier thoughts about the smell of sickness had erupted so sharply. "I'm sorry. That didn't come out quite right."

He smiled. "No, it didn't. But I understand. Give it a day or two. You'll get used to it."

"I know." She narrowed her eyes. "Carson, give yourself a place to relax."

He glanced around the cabin. "Just having you here has been a big help."

She felt her face heat but knew the warmth from the wood stove would cover it. "I'm glad." They stared at one another for a few moments, and Alison realized what could happen. What _would_ happen. She knew the odds of falling for a man like Carson. For her, they were high. Very high. And, with the two of them working in such close proximity all the time, not to mention living in the same house, she almost felt like she didn't have much of a chance. If that wasn't enough, Carson's blue eyes and dimples would definitely seal the deal. Shaking herself from her thoughts, she glanced around. "Well, can I at least move away from the stove? It got a bit warm last night."

"Oh, aye!" He tossed the clean sheets onto his pallet and helped her gather her things. They eventually settled with Carson in one corner while Alison took the opposite, leaving the wood stove near the door and as far from either of them as possible. He even eyed the walls and ceilings, and she realized he was making plans to give her some privacy.

The exhaustion headache was too great to ignore any longer, and Alison motioned over her shoulder. "I'm going to step out and clean up for the night." She shrugged. "I feel like I've pulled an all-nighter."

Carson nodded. "I'll head back over to the clinic for a time."

"No need." She shrugged. "I can step out. . ." A knock interrupted her, and Carson rushed to answer it.

Omari stood on the other side, tears streaming down her face. "Abihne needs you."

Alison stood as Carson's face fell. "Dr. Beckett?" She'd used his proper title all day out of deference to the people around.

He turned. "Abihne is. . .six. He's. . . ." Rather than continuing, he just shook his head.

Alison watched helplessly as he grabbed the dingy lab coat and headed out into the night. The clinic wasn't far, and she almost followed. Instead, she made sure to remain here. She couldn't watch a small boy die. Not this soon. Memories of Vega's funeral, complete with the weeping mother, returned. Vega's father had stared stoically at the sealed coffin, but her mother had openly cried. Alison had sat behind them, struggling with finding a balance between Teldy and Mehra's stoicism and her own grief. How did one say goodbye to a friend and colleague, much less a child?

Realizing that Carson wouldn't be in the mood for talking when he returned, she dug out the tea she'd brought and set the kettle on the stove. It heated before he returned, but she made sure to keep the water piping hot. Finally, after three hours, the door opened. Carson scuffed in, his shoulders slumped and face haggard.

"It's over," he said quietly.

Alison wanted to go to him, to hug him. But he walked directly through the house, grabbing clothes from his store and out the back door. She fixed tea and waited. He returned after twenty minutes, face and hair freshly washed and clean clothing on his body. The others he'd sealed into a bag to be decontaminated later.

Alison served tea. He accepted his cup and settled at the small table, staring at nothing while he absorbed the implications. When he finally let his hand rest on the rough surface, she reached over and let her own cover his. She didn't know how to comfort him, but she remembered what a help it was to have Teldy break that military code long enough to touch her shoulder during Vega's graveside service. She hoped her touch spoke loudly to Carson.

His hand turned, and Alison let a smile barely touch her face as he gripped her hand. She hadn't dealt with the grief of Vega's death just yet, and being back in Pegasus made it seem that much closer. They sat for a long time, neither speaking, as they took comfort from the presence of the other in the room. Somehow, they found a way to communicate and grieve.

~TBC


	4. Flashback

Alison rose before Carson, quietly making breakfast although he wasn't hungry. It was like this every time he lost a patient. Last night, he'd found Alison making tea for the two of them. Her quiet presence did little to soothe the pain but it did on a basic level. He was no longer alone. Before she'd come, he usually spent the nights awake, wondering if there was anything he could have done to save the person's life. This time, he'd alternated between his normal thought process and thinking about her small hand held in his.

Alison was a wonderful woman, and Carson already liked having her around. She smiled a lot, helping him to see the simple beauty in living. Yes, he'd chosen to live in the wilds of Pegasus, but it was _his_ choice. And he truly loved his work. He just hated losing patients.

Carson opened his eyes and watched Alison putter around the kitchen. She'd already dressed and now served two plates. He could see the tension in her features from across the room and hoped this funeral wouldn't make things more difficult. She had yet to really discuss their last meeting, and Carson knew that experiences such as the one they'd shared didn't just go away. He sat up and rubbed his eyes, so accustomed to the grit in them that he barely noticed. Alison discreetly turned her back, allowing him to escape outside and make a promise to get those curtains hung today. They both needed their privacy.

After a quick trip to the nearest stream to bathe, Carson returned to the cabin and found two plates of food on the table. Last night's dinner had yielded some left-over meat, and Alison had combined that with some potatoes and spices to put on flour tortillas. The effect was a burrito-like meal that filled their stomachs even if it wasn't as tasty as it could have been. Finally, Carson sat back. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah." She offered him a smile. "But I didn't know him."

He resisted the urge to reach out and take her hand. "He was six. Like any six year old, he loved to run and play. I thought he would pull through, or else I would not have returned last night."

Alison's hand moved but stopped just short of touching his. "Carson, you did everything you could."

He nodded. "I know." Rather than continuing that line of conversation, he pushed away from the table and collected their dishes. "We should go to his memorial today."

"I figured we would." Her voice sounded distant, almost like she didn't want to admit to not wanting to go.

Carson turned and eyed her. "Are ye okay?" he asked again.

"Yeah." She shook a lock of hair from her eyes. "Why wouldn't I be?"

He didn't answer that question, but the tension in her eyes told him a great deal. She wasn't ready to attend another funeral. "Lass, if you'd rather not go. . . ."

"I'll be fine." Her voice had a hint of anger to it, almost like she was ready to either yell at someone or break down into tears. "Just tell me what to expect."

Carson eyed her but realized that she wouldn't surrender. He knew that feeling well. He'd done much the same thing time after time, and he would buck up, as Colonel Sheppard put it, again today. "Well, when the people lose a child. . . ."

oOo

Abihne's funeral commenced with very little ceremony. Carson had carefully explained the process to Alison and prepared her as best as he could. But he never expected her to react like this.

Early that morning, he received word from Omari that Abihne's body had been prepared. The people here were simple people, and they often burned their dead as opposed to burying them. This disease had driven that home, and the people rarely waited more than a few hours before conducting a funeral. This time, however, things were different. This time, it was a small boy.

Carson appeared at the funeral pyre long before anyone else. Alison insisted on accompanying him, and he let her come along. He usually liked a few moments with the patients, his way of apologizing for not solving the problems that took their lives. Today, he would have to settle for the internal struggle. _I'm sorry. I wish I had no part in this._ He'd thought the words thousands of times over the course of his life. He'd said them when Perna died. Well, his other self had said them.

Pushing away the strange reality that he was a clone, he stopped next to the pyre as Omari led the men tasked with carrying Abihne's body to the byre. The boy was wrapped in drab brown cloth, his face completely covered. These people believed that the soul traveled a lonely path to the afterlife, and that the person's eyes should be open but not distracted from the journey by the happenings in this life. Carson didn't believe any of it, but he willingly went along with their request to cover the victims' faces.

After placing the body on the pyre, the men and Omari stood back. They would remain for the funeral but always separated. After the mourners had all left, they would gather up the remains and dispose of them on what they considered "sacred ground." Then, they would spend the evening scrubbing until their skin turned pink. It was the same every time Carson lost another patient. And there had been too many deaths.

Shortly before Abihne's family appeared, the villagers began to make the trek to the funeral. They carried various items: toys, clothing, and a book. Abihne's favorite things while alive. The people did not believe he could take it with him. Rather, they merely wanted to represent who he had been in life.

Finally, the distraught mother arrived. Carson immediately went to her side, seeing the helpless, wild expression. She'd tried for so many years to have a child, and now she'd lost him. He felt her grief roll from her, and he wanted to make sure someone held her. He'd seen people on this world throw themselves into the fire when the funeral pyre was lit. He didn't want to witness that again.

Finally, with everyone gathered, the torches were lit. Carson smelled the oily substance they dipped the rags in and suppressed a grimace. That smell would cling to his clothes and hair for days. A quick glance at Alison told him that she'd stayed in her spot, surrounded by other villagers as the dry kindling under the pyre was lit.

"_Noooo!_" Abihne's mother cried as the flames engulfed the small body. Carson's arm around her shoulders tightened, and she fought him. "Let me go! That's my _son_! My son. . . ." She dissolved into tears as he held her back from the flames.

He never even noticed that Alison had slipped away.

oOo

The smoke swirled around Alison as the pyre caught fire, and her eyes stung. She blinked it away, not comfortable with passing off her tears as the effects of the smoke. She didn't want to be here. Not like this, not so soon. As the mother cried and screamed for her son, Alison did the only thing she could do. She left.

_The mist swirled around her, distorting everything. She pushed on through, knowing that Carson and the other members of her team were somewhere out there. She may not have been as skilled as Dusty or Teldy in the art of war, but she couldn't let them face this whatever-it-was without her._

_A clicking sound caught her ear, and she froze. Terror paralyzed her, but her scientist's mind made her head turn slowly to the side. A creature walked her way, crouched and using all fours. It had once been a man, but it now had no eyes and seemed to exude mist from gills in its neck. It looked around, clicking and trying to locate her. Alison swallowed and stayed in place. The creature turned and lumbered away. When all was once again silent, she let out a deep sigh._

_A distant shriek startled her, and she began to run. She ran right into a wall._

"Let me go!" Alison's voice carried, and she fought with the arms trying to contain her. She batted a hand away and realized that it was no longer dark and misty. Blinking, she stared into wide blue eyes. "Carson?"

"Aye." His hands settled onto her shoulders. "Are you okay? And don't tell me you're fine."

She nodded and looked around. Somehow, she'd wound up next to the stream that ran behind their little cabin. The sunshine dappled the ground, and the water bubbled cheerily in direct contrast to her ragged breathing.

"I'm. . . .I'm sorry." She blinked and brushed her hair from her face. "I didn't mean to run. I—I just. . . .I couldn't stay."

Carson's hands moved so that they cradled her face and forced her to look into his eyes. "I understand."

And he really did. Alison tried to smile, and her lips twitched ever so slightly. But the memories were too close, too strong for true happiness right now.

She hadn't done well at Alicia's funeral. The entire team had returned to Earth to escort their fallen comrade back. Teldy and Mehra took the next ship back to Atlantis while Alison remained behind. She'd spent a lot of time thinking and only Carson's request had brought her back.

"I was back there." She swallowed, trying to convey the terror that still gripped her in thick fog or smoke. "Back on that planet with Michael's experiments."

"Aye." Carson nodded, and she pulled away from him.

Walking toward the stream, she let herself truly feel what she'd experienced back at that funeral byre. "I know I should have stayed there. But I had to get out of there. The smoke was. . . ." She let out a quick breath, trying to fend off the tears that pressed at her eyes. "Every time I think about it, I wonder if there was something we could have done for her."

Carson said nothing, but she felt his presence. He simply waited.

"I didn't want to come back here. . .to Pegasus." She shook her head. "I thought I could be happy at home, but I wasn't. I kept remembering what happened. I had dreams. When I woke my mom one night, she wanted to put me in counseling. Not that it would have helped. I couldn't have talked about it anyway."

"So you came back."

"I thought I could ignore it and just work it out on my own." She glanced over her shoulder and realized that he wasn't going to say anything. "I've only been here three days and I'm falling apart."

"You're fine." He reached out and touched her shoulder. "Alison, love, you've got to give yourself time to grieve."

She eyed him, loving how he made her name sound so gentle. It had been like that last time, too. However, her emotions were too fragile at the moment, and the tears she'd kept back suddenly pushed to be released. She wiped at the first few, trying to make them disappear. "I'm sorry."

Rather than replying, Carson stepped forward and pulled her into a hug. Alison melted into his embrace. Her father had died years ago, and the one man she'd dated back on Earth had been more concerned with his own plans and desires than anything. To have Carson hold her simply to comfort her was totally different. She buried her face in the curve between his shoulder and his neck and started to cry.

oOo

Carson tightened his hold on Alison when he felt hot tears start soaking his shirt. She slipped her hands around his waist and simply held on. The sobs shook her shoulders, and he felt the impact of them. Had anyone ever taken the time to comfort the poor woman?

Soon, Alison's sobs quieted, and she slowly melted into his arms. He kept her upright as she let out a deep breath. Her head moved, and he smiled when she shifted from one shoulder to the next. In all of her emotion, she hadn't bunched her hands into his shirt, and he was suddenly aware of her arms around his waist.

The birds continued to sing, and the stream kept flowing, but they didn't say much. Carson couldn't have spoken even if he'd wanted. He may not have known Alison Porter long, but he knew the direction his heart was headed. If he didn't step back, he would end up in love with her.

Alison moved, pulling one hand from his back to touch the wet spot on his shirt. She never lifted her head. "I'm sorry about that."

Carson smiled again, loving the feel of having her close. "Don't give it a second thought, love."

She raised her head but didn't step away. "I still shouldn't have broken down on you. It's not right."

He met her amazing blue eyes. "It's fine, lass. Sometimes, we all need to break down a little."

"What about you, Carson?"

"Me?" He shrugged. "I'll let you know when I figure it out."

She lowered her head back to his shoulder and tightened her arms in a hug. "Thank you." Then, she stepped out of his arms.

Carson watched her walk back toward their cabin with slumped shoulders. Her memories had not dimmed one bit, and he understood. He'd endured two years in Michael's custody, and he remembered the horrors of that well. Through those two years, he'd learned to compartmentalize everything, to keep the bad dreams and bad memories separated from everything else. For him, it was a matter of life and death.

Alison, however, had been privileged to forego the forced labor and confinement. She'd learned to handle life as it came, but nothing could have prepared her for life in Pegasus. Abihne's death only highlighted that.

Letting out a deep breath, Carson followed her away from the stream. The day was still young, and he had much to accomplish.

oOo

Omari sat in the storeroom of the clinic, startling Alison when she went inside. "I am sorry." The other woman stood. "I did not mean. . . ."

Alison held up a hand. "It's okay. I wasn't expecting you to be there."

Omari smiled. "You are well?"

Alison shrugged. "Sort of." When the other woman's eyebrows lowered, she tried to smile. "I just had a flashback to something that happened about a month ago."

"A flash. . .back?"

"Yeah. It's when your memories take over for a moment."

"I am sorry." This time, Omari touched Alison's shoulder. "Is there anything I can do to help?"

Alison stared into the other woman's eyes. Maybe she should disclose the true nature of her memories. "I lost someone. A friend. She died suddenly, and I never got the chance. . . ." She looked away as her eyes moistened. "There was barely enough to take home for a funeral."

Omari winced. "You encountered a wild beast?"

"Several." Alison eyed her. "We went back, but. . . ."

"She was a brave woman?"

"Yeah, she was." Rather than returning to the other room, Alison sat down on the floor. She started talking about Alicia Vega, not sparing any detail. She hadn't told her mother about Vega on purpose, just that she'd lost a friend. Here, with this stranger in Pegasus, she felt like she could be honest. She spent the next hour talking, crying, and doing everything in her power to keep from yelling. Omari said little but listened, interrupting only to ask for clarification. In the end, she touched Alison's shoulder.

Alison smiled at her. "I shouldn't have unloaded on you like that."

"It is what a friend is for." Omari smiled. "I understand."

"Is there something I can do to help you?"

Omari shook her head. "No. You have come here, so far away from your home, to help my people fight this disease. I should be thanking you, not you thanking me."

Alison accepted that and gratefully watched as Omari left her alone. She'd dealt with the memories while back on Earth, but never so poignantly as she did now. If she closed her eyes, she would see the mist, smell the stench, and hear the gunshots. She'd killed so many of those creatures that she'd lost the will to count. That they could be overrun like that shook her, but the appearance of the villagers-turned-monsters still haunted her dreams. Ever since that first night when her mother threatened to take her to counseling, she'd kept her cries subdued. Had awakened before the nightmares began. Or simply hadn't slept.

But what about now? She'd returned to the galaxy of her greatest nightmare and now had people who cared about what she'd experienced. Carson hadn't said much, but he truly understood. Even though he was quite a bit older than she was, she felt as if she could relate to him. And his eyes when he'd looked down at her that day. . . .Alison flushed even though she was alone. Being that close to him had been thrilling once the emotion of the moment had passed.

The sun had begun to set before she finally stirred. This little corner of the storeroom had stayed quiet even though she'd heard people coming and going from the clinic all day. Carson's voice had even interrupted her thoughts at one point, bringing a smile to her face as he chatted with the little girl lying near the door of the storeroom. Now, Alison unfolded her legs and waited for feeling to return before pushing to her feet. It was time to face the long night, though her exhaustion hinted that she might actually get some sleep for a change.

She walked to the small cabin and smiled. It looked like something straight out of "Little House on the Prairie," with the golden glow spilling from the windows. She smelled fresh food and realized that Carson had likely fixed dinner for the two of them. Pushing through the door, she found him setting two plates on the table.

He glanced up. "Oh, there ya are. I was about to come find you."

Alison smiled at him. "I'm sorry. I just needed some time."

"Aye." He offered her a smile. "Are ya hungry?"

"A little." She would have settled at the table, but the dingy white curtains hanging from the ceiling caught her eye. A breeze came in the windows and caused them to billow. They covered a full quarter of the living space. "You didn't."

"I did." He snagged one of the sheets and pulled it to the side like a curtain, revealing her personal items and bed. "A woman needs her privacy."

Alison impulsively hugged him before she lost the nerve. "Thank you."

He returned the hug. "You're welcome, love."

That night, as she stared at the sheets moving in the breeze, she listened to the sounds that Carson made as he also settled into his own bed. He may not have been able to give her everything she wanted, but he'd given her enough. A listening ear, a shoulder to cry on, and a little privacy. She just hoped she was able to return the favor one day.

~TBC


	5. New Ideas

The next week passed relatively quickly, and Carson and Alison settled into a routine. She rose early, usually before he did due to late nights at the clinic, and made breakfast for them. Then, after they ate, he cleaned up the mess while she prepared for the day. Carson rather enjoyed the very domestic nature of their arrangement in spite of Alison's penchant for making the biggest mess possible in the kitchen. He often teased her about it, and she merely laughed and blushed. He discovered that he liked the shade on her and teased as often as possible to reproduce it.

Three days after Abihne's funeral, Carson walked through the door to hear Alison let out a startled "Oh!" She stood next to the stove, two plates in hand, and stared at the table. A large eight-legged creature crawled across the top of their tiny table, the two front legs feeling out the next few steps.

Carson smiled. "Here." He reached out and picked up the creature, letting it crawl across one hand and into the other. "They're perfectly harmless, really. Rather like Earth tarantulas, except that they're blind."

Alison stared at the large spider in his hand. "I see." Then, she grimaced. "No pun intended."

Seeing her discomfort, he carried the creature out the front door and released it to wander in the darkness. Back inside, Alison had set down the plates to wipe down the table. He waited for her to finish and picked up the plates she'd left on the counter. She slipped into her chair and smiled at him as he set her food in front of her. "I don't mind bugs. Really. It just. . . .It's _big_!"

"Aye." He smiled and picked up his fork. "About twice the size of a tarantula."

"At least it's not a camel spider." She actually shuddered.

"I agree." He glanced at the two windows in the home, both of them lacking glass of any kind. "You're not afraid of anythin', are ya?"

"Not much." She shrugged. "Cockroaches give me the willies, but most other bugs don't bother me. Unless they're that big."

He chuckled at that. "Well, love, you don't have to worry about cockroaches here. They don't seem to exist on this world."

"Good."

They ate the rest of the meal in silence, but Carson caught the glances she sent his way. He had to smile and admit that he liked having someone else to see in the evenings. It made the tiny cabin less confining and much warmer. Just walking back from the clinic tonight had been a pleasure with the warm light spilling from the front window and the scent of dinner in the air.

After they ate, Carson cleared the table while leaving Alison to peruse her tablet. She'd brought everything she could find on the Hoffan drug with her, including some of Carson's own research, and she often spent hours pouring over it. He watched her get absorbed in the reading, smiling as she did. His first meeting with Alison may have ended in tragedy, but she'd shown such brilliance that he wanted to work with her. He was very glad she'd joined him.

Over the rest of the week, other little changes took place. Omari showed up with a bundle of fabric, and Carson returned to the cabin that evening to find curtains on the windows, held back by twine that could be easily released to give them some privacy. Alison's "room" also had the same ties, revealing the neat bed she'd made in the corner. Behind the house, the two women had rigged up a sort of "washroom," complete with a tiny bath and curtains for privacy. Alison had already made use of it based on the still-wet hair that hung around her shoulders as she set their meal on the table.

But Carson also noticed other things. She wasn't sleeping. She'd retire to her bed, draw the curtains around her, and read from her tablet until he went to sleep. One night, he was called to the clinic and returned to find her whimpering in her sleep. She never really woke up, but he knew she was still haunted by the events surrounding Vega's death.

The stress of the clinic clearly didn't help her. Alison spent plenty of time with the patients, listening to their complaints and helping him treat the symptoms he knew to treat. Carson was grateful that business seemed to be slowing down after Abihne's death, but he saw the effect it had on Alison. And he knew he could do nothing to help her. She needed to find her footing here if she wanted to do this kind of work.

Still, the desire to help her in some way made him begin considering his options. He liked Alison well enough, and they'd shared an amazing chemistry before she learned of Vega's death. Had Sergeant Mehra not been there, Carson had no doubt things could have progressed into an actual relationship. Part of him hoped to learn if that was possible, but the other part of him had been given time to really think things through.

Was he the right man for Alison? Most men wouldn't question that as deeply, but Carson wasn't most men. He wasn't even really Carson Beckett, merely a copy with a copy of the original's thought processes and memories. He'd accepted his fate as a clone during that six months on Earth, and he'd resigned himself to spending the remainder of his life alone. Now that Alison had appeared, he wondered if he was designed to be alone. She made life more interesting in that first week, and he thoroughly enjoyed having her around if only to have another human being to listen to his struggles. She knew about Atlantis, and her knowledge of medicine and bio-chemistry was unparalleled. In spite of their age difference, he found himself drawn like he hadn't been since Perna.

Carson stopped what he was doing at the thought of Perna. He remembered her daily, usually when he was helping another woman try to breathe past the Hoffan drug's effects on her body. But he'd rarely allowed himself to consider the brief time he'd shared with her. Perna had been a total surprise, one that Carson had never expected. And their time working on the original Hoffan drug had created a love that he still felt to this day. He'd never believed in whirlwind romances, but he'd found something with Perna that was so strong he still grieved for her.

Shaking away the memories, Carson pushed to his feet. His patient, a man in his fifties, had drifted to sleep and was breathing easier, leading Carson to believe the worst had passed for him. He wandered into the storeroom for a few moments, letting out a deep sigh and rubbing the bridge of his nose. He was tired. While he'd been sleeping better the last few nights, he still had the weight of this disease on his shoulders. And he needed to find a way to shed it, even if only for a few hours.

And with those few thoughts, an idea was born.

oOo

Alison watched Carson escape to the storeroom, her eyes narrowed as she noticed the slump in his shoulders. She'd come to the clinic today to help Omari with nursing rather than staying back at the cabin to continue research she'd begun the previous evening. Several of the local nurses had moved back home, leaving the clinic short-handed. Now, however, Alison wondered if she should go help Carson instead.

Moving slightly, she watched him through the door. He folded his arms and let out a deep breath, using one hand to pinch the bridge of his nose. With his light-colored shirt, his stethoscope hanging around his neck, and the pose, he looked pensive. Letting him have his thoughts, she turned her attention back to her patient.

Later that evening, Alison headed for the cabin to make dinner. She'd started something the first day here and rather enjoyed it. Omari had brought some fresh meat for them, and Alison had an idea for stew that needed to cook for an hour. She knew Carson wouldn't be back for at least that long, and she hoped to take a bath before he arrived. The idea of bathing while he was on the other side of the wall still brought a flush to her face.

How did she feel about Carson Beckett? Alison let out a deep breath as she peeled the potato-like vegetables that one of the other villagers had provided. The last time she'd seen Carson, she'd also been embarrassed in the extreme by Dusty. The Marine meant no harm with her rather vulgar comment about a sock on the doorknob, but it had embarrassed Alison anyway. How could Dusty think that she and Carson would ever engage in those activities in such a setting? They had work to do, and, while the evening didn't end as she'd hoped, she still wanted Carson to think the best of her.

What about now? Alison dropped some more local vegetables into the stew and stirred, testing the broth. It needed a bit more garlic, something she'd brought in powdered form. Sprinkling the spice into the soup, she let her thoughts continue to roam. Carson was a wonderful man. He had a way of slipping under her guard and making her blush, which, admittedly, wasn't a difficult thing to do. But, more than that, he truly cared about people. In the last few days, Alison had watched him work himself to exhaustion, get two hours of sleep, and then spend the remainder of the night at the clinic just to help someone. That kind of compassion touched her and made her want to know the man better.

And then there was their moment when he'd held her by the stream. Alison thought about those few moments many times over the course of the days, and she found herself hoping to experience that again. Carson was a few years older than her, and he had a wealth of experience under his belt. But that didn't matter. She truly believed they might have a chance, especially if he continued to treat her so respectfully.

With the soup cooking, she slipped out the back door to bathe for the day. She found this time a blessing, able to think without the darkness of night turning her thoughts to things she'd rather forget. And she enjoyed the sounds of fading summer. Soon, according to Omari, the warmth would vanish, and they'd be confined to the clinic or the cabin out of sheer necessity to stay warm.

Carson arrived as she returned to the house. He came through the front door and automatically looked to the kitchen area. When he didn't see her, his eyes moved across the room until he smiled at her appearance. "There ya are." His voice was warm, and his eyes sparkled as he took in everything about her. Or so it seemed.

"Yeah." She felt the flush creeping up her neck yet again and wondered if the man did it on purpose. Did he just like to see her embarrassed? Carrying her bundle of clothing to the duffel bag she kept as a hamper, she glanced over her shoulder. "The soup should be ready."

"Take your time." He went to his own bed and began rifling through his personal items. Alison watched him from the corner of her eye, wondering if they'd ever get over this awkwardness.

After they settled at the table, Carson eyed her. "I had a question for you."

"Okay." She wondered why he seemed so nervous all of a sudden.

"I was thinking about taking a day just for us," he blurted out, leaving Alison wondering exactly _how_ he meant the word "us." Did he mean "us," as in the two of them? Or "us," as in a couple romantically involved? He closed his eyes and smiled, clearly recognizing how it could have been misinterpreted. "Let me try that again. I was wondering if you'd like to join me for a personal day."

Alison blinked. "As in. . .?"

"There's a beautiful waterfall not far from here, and we can get there rather quickly by wagon." He shrugged. "I've been thinking of heading out there for some time, and wondered if you'd join me. We could make a day of it, take a lunch and everything."

She smiled at his sincere tone and expression. "I'd love to, Carson."

"Good." The corners of his eyes crinkled as he smiled yet again, and she hoped this "personal day" would help solve the awkwardness between them.

They finished their meal with little chatter beyond deciding that they'd escape in three more days. There were a few patients left that Carson wanted to watch, and Alison knew she'd never pry him away so long as they were in critical condition.

The next two days passed in agonizing slowness. She often caught Carson watching her, and she spent her fair share of time wondering what this "personal day" would bring. She wanted it to be perfect, and her mind conjured images of idyllic settings with a blanket spread for a picnic. Years of reading romance stories made her wonder what they would talk about and how it would end. It wasn't like he could drop her at her house with a simple good night kiss. They lived together.

Late the evening of the second day, a knock sounded as Alison prepared to crawl into bed. Carson, who looked as tired as he'd ever looked, waved her back in place and rose to answer the call. A teenaged boy, Omari's son, stood. "Come quick! Mother is ill!"

Carson gave Alison an alarmed glance, and she immediately reached for her shoes. Without bothering to tie the laces, she followed Carson and the boy to the clinic. Omari lay next to the storeroom, her face pale and covered in sweat. Carson knelt at her side, taking her pulse and listening to her breathing. He turned to Alison. "She's got it."

Alison's heart sank. "How bad?"

"I don't know." He shook his head. "It seems to vary based on the patient."

She made a quick decision and touched Carson's shoulder. "Go get some rest. I'll sit with her for a while."

He turned and stared at her, his blue eyes clearly trying to see into her mind. She put on a brave face, the same one she'd used when she'd been required to visit the SGC psychologist, and waited while he nodded. "If you need anythin', come get me."

"We'll be fine." She grabbed his arm when he turned to go. "Thank you."

Carson squeezed her elbow before he left.

Alison settled next to Omari and reached for the first thing her hands could find: a cloth to wipe the woman's face. She gently bathed Omari's face, hoping the fever would come down a bit. The night passed slowly, and the sun rose on the day that Alison had looked forward to. With Omari so sick, however, she didn't think she'd be able to get away.

Carson appeared, his eyes soft in spite of the situation. "Go get some sleep, lass." He smiled and offered her a hand up. "I'll watch her."

Alison accepted his hand and stood, wincing as blood rushed back into her numb legs. Omari had drifted to sleep about an hour ago, but her breathing was still labored. Alison had never really watched a patient go through all the stages of the disease, and she worried that she was about to lose yet another friend.

Omari's condition continued to worsen over the next two days. No matter what medications Carson gave her, she seemed not to respond. Alison stopped cooking and often dozed next to Omari's bed. The other woman woke from time to time, and they talked about a myriad of things. Omari told Alison what she wanted for a memorial service, the things she wanted displayed at her funeral pyre. Alison responded by saying that they would figure out a cure. Omari seemed resigned to her fate while Alison couldn't accept the loss of another friend.

Finally, Carson came by Omari's bed and tugged Alison into the storeroom. He closed the door. "Alison, love, you need to rest."

"I can't." She hated feeling so close to tears, but she couldn't seem to control her emotions. "I promised her I'd see this through, that I wouldn't leave her. I can't leave."

Carson walked toward her and took her by her shoulders. "You need to. _She _needs you to. Contrary to what she's feeling, she's responding to the new medications."

"I thought you said she wasn't."

"I was wrong." He shook his head. "Ali, I'm not telling you this to try to make you feel better. She's responding somewhat to the medications. It's a good sign. She's going to pull through this."

"You can't know that!"

"Aye, I can."

"How?"

"Because every other survivor has responded in this same way to some sort of medication. It's different for each of them, but they all seem to respond." He shook his head. "I'll admit that this was the last option I had, though. And I may not have enough."

Alison blinked at him. "You _have_ to have enough!" She turned back to the clinic, only to stop when Carson gently grabbed her arm.

Rather than answering, he pulled her into a hug. She buried her face in his shoulder, smelling the same thing that she remembered from the last time he'd held her like this. He had a faint scent of soap on his skin while his coat smelled like too many washes in Omari's wash tub. Alison didn't care, though. She locked her arms around his back and tried to draw as much strength from him as possible.

"I'm sorry," she said into his chest. "I just don't think I can lose another friend."

"I understand." His voice rumbled under her ear, and she actually smiled in spite of the tears that threatened to escape.

Lifting her head, she blinked away the tears of frustration, but one of them escaped anyway. "You really think she's getting better."

"I know she is." He gently wiped the tear away with his fingers. "Go get some rest."

Alison nodded, feeling the warmth left by his arms and wondering if she'd make it to the cabin. She was tired, more tired than she'd ever been. But she'd been determined to endure to the end for Omari. Now that Carson assured her that her friend likely wouldn't die, she felt a measure of relief. And concern. Even if Omari did survive, did this mean that a new outbreak could be expected in the village?

Alison left off wondering about these things the moment her head hit her pillow. She fell asleep and slept better than she had in the last few weeks.

oOo

Carson watched Alison leave the clinic with slumped shoulders and a shuffling pace. She hadn't wanted to leave, but he needed her to get some rest. The wild, almost uncontrolled fear in her eyes when she spoke about losing another friend concerned him, and he made up his mind that he would take her away from here for at least a day when Omari recovered.

Returning to the clinic, he tried to push Alison from his mind. But Omari reached out a hand. "Dr. Beckett?"

Carson knelt next to her. "Aye?"

"Is Alison resting?"

"Aye," he said again.

"Good." Omari nodded and drifted, her eyes fluttering open right as he would have left her to rest. "You care for her, do you not?"

He blinked. "I didn't know I was so transparent."

She smiled at him. "You are a good man, Dr. Beckett. And she is a good woman."

Concern began to wiggle in the pit of his stomach. He'd spoken truly to Alison when he said that Omari was beginning to respond. It was no lie. But hearing her speak like this made him wonder if it was a final rally before the woman died. "Omari, you're going to recover."

She blew a raspberry at him, weak but so like her normal self that he smiled. "Of course I am. I have to watch the two of you get joined, don't I?"

Carson sputtered at the mention of this world's wedding ceremony. "Joined?" Then, he laughed, feeling the back of his neck begin to heat. "Oh, no! It's nothing like that. Dr. Porter and I are friends and colleagues."

"Friends who stare at each other when the other isn't looking." Omari waved a hand, still sick enough that it was more like a lifting of her fingers. "I am not blind, Carson. I see things. And you care for that woman. Just make sure she knows it."

He let out a deep breath. "It's not that simple, Omari. There are things that both of us have to overcome."

She speared him with a direct glare. "Then overcome them." A cough wracked her body, and Carson held her hand while she regained her breath. Seeing that her strength had passed, he patted her hand and let her drift to sleep. Her words about Alison circled in his mind, and he allowed himself to think yet again about the young woman living in the cabin with him. He'd be lying to say that a relationship with her didn't appeal, and he suddenly wanted to see if Omari was right.

Decision made, he did his rounds and spent the remainder of the day covering Alison's shift so she could sleep.

~TBC


	6. Day Out

Omari regained her strength slowly. Alison visited her daily, smiling as the other woman spoke of her plans to eat once she could stomach real food. She truly liked Omari, and she knew she could become very close to her if she allowed herself. But did she want to risk losing another friend? She'd thought it inevitable a few days ago, but Carson's prognosis seemed to be right. Alison spent hours every night trying to document everything she learned from Omari, whether medical or personal. She'd never thought about keeping a diary of any kind, but she just naturally started writing down everything she experienced. It took her almost a week before she realized that Carson did the same thing, though he tended to wait until after she'd retired at night.

The ensuing week brought more changes for Carson and Alison. He changed slightly. Seemed very concerned for her, always watching her with those concerned blue eyes. Alison knew she hadn't handled Omari's illness well, and she tried to find the measure of peace she'd had before Vega's demise at the hands of Michael's experiments. She still could not think of them as people, not with the grotesque, deformed bodies that floated through her dreams at night.

Omari finally returned to her home, leaving Carson and Alison with a nearly empty clinic. Carson warned Alison that the epidemic might not be over, but she didn't care. She simply nodded and went to cook their evening meal.

Carson appeared just as it was ready to serve. Alison smiled at him. "You seem to have impeccable timing."

"So I've been told." He smiled at her, crinkling the corners of his eyes and bringing out the dimple in his left cheek. "It smells wonderful."

She flushed. Again. Feeling frustrated that she could not seem to control her reactions to him, she set two plates on the table. "My family spent time in southern New Mexico. These are my mother's version of green chile smothered burritos, using what we have available here, of course. I don't know how good it'll be. . . ."

"I'm sure it'll be fine." He settled at the table and accepted his plate. Once she'd sat down, he sampled the meal, taking time to form an opinion before he spoke. "It's good."

"You're sure?"

"Aye." He reached across the table and touched her hand. "Ali-love, wait until you sample my cooking. It's nowhere near this good."

"I'm sure it'll be fine," she said, deliberately echoing his words from a few moments ago. Alison finally tested the meal and realized he was right. It wasn't green chile, but the local vegetable added a nice Cajun-like spice to the unique Southwestern flavor. She hated the awkwardness that still lingered between them, especially since she'd been here for almost a month now. They may have "lived together," but they really didn't know one another outside of work. And the memories of their last meeting still hovered over them.

Carson ate a few more bites before spearing her with a direct gaze. "Would you like to go away for the day tomorrow?" He shrugged. "I know it's a week late, but. . . ."

"I'd love to." Alison smiled at him. "It will be nice to be away from here."

"Aye." He nodded. "I've already spoken with Omari, and she's given me some cold meat and bread for sandwiches. And her husband found some cheese that is rather like mozzarella cheese, but with a slight cheddar twang."

"Sounds good."

"Great. I'll arrange everything." He finished his meal and left the cabin, his eyes sparkling like they hadn't in a long time. Alison watched him go and then rose to clean the mess she'd made. While he normally did that, she didn't mind this time. She would be getting away from the clinic and sickness.

As she worked, she evaluated her decision to join Carson Beckett. It may have been an honorable decision, but life here was very tough. Death hovered around the corner for any of these people, and she knew enough to realize that Omari's bout with this illness wouldn't be the last. Carson wasn't sure how it spread just yet, but he'd said they may have to move to another world when this one was declared "cured." He'd already visited three worlds, all of them somehow developing the same symptoms although they'd not been previously exposed. He worked to find out why, and Alison wondered if this day away was for her or for him.

Late that night, she woke in a cold sweat. The dreams of Vega's death hadn't returned, but they hovered on the edge of her consciousness. She stared at the ceiling, seeing the moonlight through her curtains. Carson snored softly from his bed in the next corner, and she tugged the curtains back to look at him. He laid on his side, facing her, his hand next to his pillow. The cares he typically carried were gone, and he seemed almost innocent. Though, a man like Carson could never be truly innocent, not in the way that Alison once had been. As a clone and Michael's prisoner, he was responsible for this disease. She suddenly realized that he carried a weight just as heavy, if not heavier, than her own.

She let the curtain drop back into place and rolled onto her side, facing the wall. Did she have a right to fuss and stay awake when Carson had found a way to sleep? How did he do it? She needed to ask him, but asking him would mean revealing things she didn't want to tell anyone. Like how Vega's death had created a deep fear of losing anyone else. Like how she couldn't reach out and be a friend without wondering if the person would die, move, or simply turn on her.

She drifted to sleep before she worked out all of her questions. She woke to the warmth of the sun through the windows of the cabin. Blinking in the brightness, she moved her curtain and realized that Carson had likely been awake for hours. His pallet was neatly made, his lab coat hung on a hook above it, and something smelled wonderful. She sat up and pushed her tousled hair from her face, somewhat embarrassed that he'd see her like this. She heard him puttering around in the kitchen and realized she had no graceful way out of this. Letting out a deep breath, she quickly dressed and slipped from the curtained corner.

Carson stood over the stove, scooping eggs from a skillet and staring at her with a dumbfounded expression on his face. Alison self-consciously smoothed her hair, wishing she knew why he stared the way he had. By the time she glanced back over, he'd recovered from whatever had shocked him and set her plate on the table. A large basket was next to the door, reminding her of all the idyllic stories she'd read of picnics and strolls in the meadow.

They chatted as they ate, and Alison assured him that he wasn't a bad cook. Then, she excused herself to prepare for their day. She had very little clothing outside of the black uniform she'd brought, but she had reserved a corner of her luggage for one flowing spaghetti-strap dress. She wasn't fond of the freckles that dotted her shoulders, but a day in the outdoors seemed perfect for it. She held it up, loving how the fabric draped gracefully without needing to be ironed and dug out the light wrap she wore with it. The blues and purples of the pattern were her favorites, and she dressed quickly.

Carson waited out front, wearing his normal attire and loading their lunch into a pack for them to carry. He turned, and that same dumbfounded expression crossed his face. Instead of staring, though, he walked over to her and smiled. "Ali, you look. . .uh. . . ."

She flushed and smiled. "I'm glad I can render someone speechless."

Just like that, he settled back into the same easy-going manner he'd had before. "Aye. You do it so well, too." He hoisted the pack on his back. "I wanted to get us a buggy or wagon of some sort, but I couldn't find one. It's not a far walk, though. And we can take our time."

"Sounds wonderful." She motioned for him to lead the way, and they fell into step with one another. Alison enjoyed the sun on her shoulders and let her wrap drop for a time. She spent too much time indoors, hunched over a computer or tablet. She needed to be outside, in the fresh air. She already felt the rejuvenating properties of the sun chasing away the lingering weariness.

As they walked, Carson snuck a second look out of the corner of his eye. Alison didn't just look nice. She looked stunning! The dress was simple, white with an abstract purple and teal butterfly pattern, but the effect charmed him completely. He wondered if he'd be able to return to the slightly distant working relationship they'd had in the last couple of weeks and then realized he didn't want to. Clone or not, Carson Beckett's head had been turned.

They arrived at the spot he'd chosen for their picnic a little before noon. Alison had kept her shoulders covered with that light white shawl for most of their walk, but she'd allowed enough sun through that she was glowing. Carson led her to a shady spot at the edge of the meadow, knowing that it would help keep the heat down as well as keeping her from being sunburned. She smiled and helped him unfurl the blanket he'd borrowed from Omari, and they flopped down onto it at the same time.

"Wow." Alison smiled at him. "That was some walk."

"Aye." He shook his head. "I didn't realize it would be so far. I rode in a cart the last time I came."

"That's okay, though." She started digging through their lunch pack and pulled out the cool water. "It was nice."

Carson smiled at her, but he couldn't say anything. He tried to put two coherent sentences together, but it just wouldn't happen. He hadn't been this taken with any woman since Perna, in spite of his brief relationship with Cadman. Any hope for that working out had ended with his death and subsequent resurrection. Now, to find that same excitement and attraction in such a dark place as an epidemic clinic surprised him.

Feeling the awkwardness start to creep in, he fished for a topic of conversation. "So, do you enjoy being outdoors often?" Then, he nearly kicked himself. What a way to start off a conversation!

"No." Alison shrugged. "Well, I did when I was a kid, but I went to college and had so much stuff happen that I kind of got out of the habit."

He glanced around. "Aye, I know how you feel. It's not quite like home, but I like it here."

"Where is home?"

"Paisley, just east of Glasgow. Well, it was after medical school. Before that, I lived near Wick, in the highlands." He let out a deep breath. "I went back after Dr. Keller brought me out of that stasis pod. It just wasn't the same."

"Why?"

"My mum had moved to a retirement community." He glanced at her, his somber mood still not dimming his appreciation of her appearance. "She'd been there for six months, and the family home had been sold."

"I'm so sorry to hear that." Alison reached out and touched his shoulder, her regret almost palpable.

"Thank ya." He shrugged. "But what was I to do? I couldn't just go back and tell her that the military had made a mistake, because they hadn't." Realizing how depressing the mood had become, he met her eyes. "What about you?"

She shrugged, and the light wrap she'd used to shield her shoulders from the sun fell away, revealing those adorable freckles. "I'm from everywhere," she said with a chuckle. "I was born in northern California, and my father was in the Army for a time."

"So you traveled a lot."

"Yeah."

"See anythin' interesting?"

"Um. . .the Grand Canyon, Florida, and we spent a bit of time in New Mexico." She smiled. "Once Daddy retired, we settled in Stockton, California until I came here."

"You're well-traveled for a youngster," he said with a chuckle, recalling his original statement back before Vega's death.

She snorted. "Yeah, well, looks can be deceiving. I'm not as young as you might think."

"You can't be more than twenty-eight, twenty-nine at the eldest."

"Thirty-four, almost thirty-five." She smiled. "But thank you for the compliment."

Carson stared at her. She was in her mid-thirties? How was that possible? "So, you didn't attend university right out of school?"

Her face fell, and he realized she had her own regrets about life. "No. My father passed away when I was a junior in high school, and my mom was diagnosed with cancer a year later." She shook her head. "I stayed home to care for her."

"I'm so sorry, lass."

"Don't be." She smiled. "It was tough for my mom, but we made it. And I'm glad I did, now. She's the reason I went into medicine when I finally got the chance to go to school."

"Aye," he sat up and grabbed their lunch. "My father was a doctor, so I just naturally followed in his footsteps."

Alison shook her head. "No, for me, I found out I loved helping people even when it was hard."

"What about your mother?"

"She went into remission and has stayed cancer-free for the last five years." Alison's smile nearly stretched off of her face.

"That's incredible!" He grinned with her, feeling the taste of victory he always felt even though he wasn't the doctor who had treated her mother. "And you never met anyone during that time?"

"Once." She shrugged, her face clearing in such a way that he realized he'd touched on a nerve. Alison may have looked innocent, but she had the ability to cover her true emotions with ease. "But it didn't work out."

He nodded. "Aye, I know the feeling." He shook his head. "I dated a Marine, once. But our first kiss was through Rodney, so it never really worked quite right."

She stared at him. "_Through_ Rodney? As in. . .?"

"Aye." He smiled, happy to see the sparkle returning to her eyes. "She was trapped inside his head, and she took over his body and made him. . .kiss me."

Alison laughed, a pure, clear sound that carried on the breeze. "Oh, Carson, I'm sorry. But that's funny!"

"Aye, I suppose it is." He gave her a long-suffering look before deciding to change the topic. "So, what about hobbies? Do you have any?"

"Besides reading?" She accepted her lunch and thought about the question. "No."

"No?" That surprised him. "You seem like the type to have played a musical instrument or some such thing."

She laughed again. "I did play piano for a time." Then, she sobered. "I wanted to learn violin, but my mom wanted me to learn piano. I endured those lessons." She eyed him. "What about you? Do _you_ play a musical instrument?"

"Me? No!" He grinned at her. "But I do fish."

"I remember going fishing with my dad." Her face turned wistful as she ate a few bites. "When we lived in Florida, Daddy would borrow one of my uncle's boats and take us out onto the Gulf of Mexico. We'd fish for what we called 'grunt' and have a fish fry in the yard after that."

"It sounds charming."

"It was." She paused, and he let her eat in silence. He could see the stress lifting from her face in spite of the regrets and sorrows of life in the past. Finally, she grinned at him. "Do you ever get to go fishing, now?"

"Once." Carson finished his meal and stretched out on the blanket, propping his head on his hand. "There's a lovely fishing hole not too far from here. I can take you to see it."

Alison glanced over her shoulder in the direction he'd indicated. "I'd like that."

They quickly packed up the remains of their lunch, and Carson set the pack next to a tree. "We're not going far."

Alison followed him, and, before long, they walked side-by-side again. As she stepped around a stump, her hand brushed his, and he naturally took hold to help her climb over a fallen log. Rather than pulling away, Alison flushed but laced her fingers with his. Carson smiled at her and made sure to keep her close the entire way to the fishing hole. He realized in those few moments that he could easily fall in love with this woman, if he hadn't already.

oOo

At the fishing hole, Alison stared. She'd expected a quiet river, not a waterfall that splashed and danced over several outcroppings. "No wonder you knew of the waterfall."

"Aye." He still held her hand as he led her around the edge of the pond. "The fish here come to this location to breed. Much like salmon do on Earth. A lot of the village's food is taken from this pond."

Alison suppressed a shiver as his shoulder brushed her arm. She'd fallen a little bit in love with him today, hearing him talk about regrets and some of their conversation. The discomfort on his face when he told her about Rodney/Cadman kissing him had been endearing, and she'd laughed for the first time in a long time. Truly laughed, not just shared a chuckle. Even now, she felt the smile stretching her lips as she stared up at the waterfall. "Carson, this is beautiful."

"Aye, it is." His voice, so soft, made her turn to him. He wasn't looking at the waterfall but stared directly at her. Rather than shifting his gaze away, he merely smiled.

Alison's heart did a flip-flop when his eyes dropped to her lips. She knew he hadn't brought her here for this, but she liked the idea that he wanted to kiss her. Turning to face him, she smiled when he released her hand. He touched her cheek, his fingers warm against her skin and sending a thrill down her spine. Then, ever so gently, he kissed her.

Alison let out a quick breath as the kiss intensified. She stepped closer to Carson, feeling his arms go around her as he deepened the kiss. Just as she thought she'd pass out from the intensity, he pulled back and stared into her eyes with surprise. "Ali-love, this isn't why. . . ."

"I know." She ran a finger over the short hairs on the back of his neck. "But I'm glad you did."

He smiled and glanced down, but didn't release her. They stayed like that for a long time, simply enjoying the scenery and the quiet. Alison laid her head on his shoulder, loving the change from the first two times he'd held her. Back then, he comforted her. This time, she felt cherished.

Finally, Carson moved. "We should get back."

"I know."

He kissed her one more time, this time lingering long enough to smile directly into her eyes. Then, taking her hand, he led her back to their picnic site and then the rest of the way home. They laughed as they walked, but Alison felt the difference. Something had shifted during their day away. They were no longer just two people working together. While they had a lot to learn of each other, they had started down a path to becoming more than friends and colleagues. As she drifted to sleep, Alison smiled. She'd never felt so special in her life. This was definitely worth the sunburn she'd have by morning.

~TBC


	7. Help Button

**Author's Note:** This chapter does get quite intense at the beginning and especially at the end. I know I don't usually put up warnings about intensity, but we see yet another effect of an epidemic in this chapter. :( Also, the story underwent a major plot overhaul since I last posted. Don't worry. It won't be taken down any time soon. Let's just say that the new plot fits in with what has happened already and is much more intense and much better than what I originally had in mind. You can thank **theicemenace** and **Ani-Maniac494** for that one. **theicemenace** mentioned something to me, and it started me thinking, and **Ani-Maniac494** helped me brainstorm it out so it all made sense. :) That said, enjoy! ~lg

oOo

The next three days changed how Carson and Alison related. She still rose early and cooked breakfast as normal. They fell into the same routine they'd had before their day away. But it was different. He thoroughly enjoyed seeing her smile in the morning, and he did everything in his power to see it again after a long day at the clinic. He knew enough to know that they had a long way to go before deciding if this relationship could work out in the long-term, but he knew he'd fallen a little in love with her at the waterfall.

One of his favorite times of the day was at the end. With the two of them sharing the same one-room house, they had to be careful about their relationship and how intense things became. He knew she'd been hurt in the past, and he decided that they wouldn't go beyond the steps they'd already taken until she was ready for it. And not just physically. He refused to have her return to Earth because he did something foolish in a moment of passion. However, at the end of the day, she greeted him with a kiss and a smile, and Carson discovered that he loved the domestic nature of their relationship. While it wasn't quite the same, he got the feeling that a life with Alison would be very similar to this.

Did he want a lifetime with Alison? He liked to think he did, but he wasn't foolish enough to base that very important decision on one day's chemistry. He wanted to know everything about her, the good and the bad, so he could. . . . .So he could do what? Shaking his head, he returned his focus to the medications he'd been sorting. He had two patients in the clinic, both of them on the mend from flu-like viruses. There had been no new cases of the Hoffan drug since Omari, and he hoped the worst of it had passed. Like he'd told Alison when she first arrived, he knew a few of the survivors became carriers for the disease, but he couldn't tell who had or had not.

"Dr. Beckett!" The cry startled him from his thoughts, and he rushed out of the storeroom to see Omari nearly carrying her teenaged son. She looked somewhat frantic. "Please help him!"

Carson rushed to the boy's side and slipped one of his arms over his shoulders. After getting the lad to a bed, he knelt next to him and pulled his stethoscope from where he'd draped it around his shoulder. He listened briefly to the boy's lungs but didn't have to be told what was wrong. The boy had been infected with the Hoffan drug.

Carson turned to Omari. "How long has he been like this?"

"Just now." She shook her head. "He's been feeling a bit ill for the last two days, but he thought it was the same thing the others had. Not. . . ." Her eyes filled with tears.

Carson touched her elbow. "Stay with him." He pushed to his feet and hurried into the storeroom. Grabbing the first course of medications, designed to ease the boy's pain, he glanced out the rear door and caught sight of Alison bringing a plate of food to him for lunch. He set aside the medications long enough to motion for her to hurry.

"What is it?" She set the plate on a shelf and frowned.

"Omari's son." Carson watched her carefully. "He's got it."

Her face fell. "I'll go see her."

"Good." Carson retrieved the medications and led Alison into the main area of the clinic. She didn't spend as much time with the patients as he did, but her specialty wasn't in treating the ill. Her specialty was in researching various cures, and he gratefully allowed her to take the weight of that while he treated the sick. It worked well for them.

Alison moved to Omari's side and put her arm around the other woman's shoulder while Carson started an IV with medications and fluids. He reached for the cannula connected to an oxygen tank and slipped it over the boy's face. The extra oxygen seemed to help him breathe, but Carson knew it may not be enough.

Alison never left the clinic that night. Nor did Carson. They gave Omari her space, but they stayed close just in case. Once, around midnight, Carson found Alison in the storeroom with silent tears slipping down her face. Omari's son had grown worse as the hours progressed, and he knew it struck a chord with Alison. Especially since she'd watched her mother endure something very similar. Rather than speaking, he stepped beside her and pulled her against his chest. She never turned, but he felt her relax into his arms.

The battle for the boy's life was over quickly. Around dawn, he began gasping for air, and Carson could do nothing for him beyond hold his hand. When he finally did stop breathing, Alison let Omari weep over her son. Tears ran down her face, and Carson knew she desperately wanted to escape the confines of the clinic. He ground his teeth together and stepped back, performing the final duties of a doctor with a stoic expression on his face. He hated seeing patients die, even if he could do nothing for them. And, after recording the time and date of the boy's death, he escaped to the storeroom.

Why Omari's son? Carson shook his head as he dealt with the emotions. When he first came to this world, Omari took him in. He'd come to know her family well, and he considered them to be his closest friends here. He'd moved into the cabin he now shared with Alison only after the previous owner had died, asking him on his deathbed to care for the land. Still, Omari made daily trips to bring him food, comfort the sick, and generally be an assistant for him.

Movement behind him brought his head around. Alison stood in the door, her face dry but still showing signs of her recent tears. She bit her lip and then stepped forward. "What now?"

He saw the brave face she'd put on for him. "Uh. . .we need to. . . ." Carson struggled to find the distance he needed.

Alison frowned at him. "Carson, give yourself a few moments." She shook her head. "It's okay to do that."

"Shouldn't I be telling you that?"

"I love Omari, but I don't know her family well." She walked over to him and slipped her arms around his waist. Laying her head on his shoulder, she said, "I'm sorry."

Carson held her for the next few minutes. Somehow, this felt different than when he'd comforted her. This time, _she_ comforted _him_.

Not really wanting to let her go, he finally stepped back. "We need to prepare the body. There's nothing more I can do, but these people have traditions."

"I know." Alison smiled. "I'll help Omari."

"Ali-love, you don't have to."

"I know." She left the storeroom before he could say anything else.

The next two days were a jumble of activity, emotions, and worry. After her son's death, Omari naturally went into a depressed state. Carson kept a close eye on the woman, who appeared to have had a relapse of the disease. More people came to the clinic, suffering a variety of illnesses from flu to bronchitis to full-blown pneumonia. All of them were survivors of the Hoffan drug, and Carson wondered if there was a connection. There were a few new cases of the Hoffan drug that appeared, but most of the sick simply suffered the effects of the disease.

Omari rallied after two days, though the light in her eyes had gone out. She grieved deeply, as Carson knew she would, and he tried to get her to take some time for her family. But she refused to leave the clinic. Every day, she pushed herself from her bed to treat the sick while, at night, she struggled to contain her sobs. Her husband came to the clinic daily, holding his wife's hand and stoically accepting that she needed to help other mothers who had gone through the same thing. Carson admired the man and hoped that they'd seen the last of this illness.

oOo

At first, it felt like a tightening across her chest. Alison let out a deep breath and pushed it away. She'd felt it at Abihne's funeral and again at the memorial for Omari's son. As she worked to cook dinner for her and Carson, she thought about the other woman and wondered if there was anything she could do. That's when she felt the tightness.

Carson appeared for dinner, hugging her tightly and barely taking time to wolf down the meal she'd prepared. Alison didn't mind. He always found the time to spend a few moments with her when he arrived late at night, and she willingly returned to the table she'd set up with this newest influx of patients. The portable lab she'd brought with her had been moved to their cabin so that room could be made for the patients in the clinic. Two days after the death of Omari's son, Alison watched Carson head back to the clinic with slumped shoulders and let out a deep breath. He'd need to talk when he came back, and she wasn't sure she had it in her to stay awake. The last three days had been exhausting, and she struggled to keep her focus.

Her chest tightened again, and she sat back from her work with a frown. This was different. It wasn't preceded by a funeral or a dream or anything that could have triggered a flashback. It was. . . .Her eyes closed. _Not again_, she thought.

All through her childhood, she'd been plagued with bronchial infections. More often than not, it was brought on by the change in seasons. It hadn't prevented her from being recruited by the SGC, especially since she'd not had an infection since she was ten years old. But she remembered the symptoms well, especially since she'd had a severe case of pneumonia that last time. Taking a deep breath and feeling how difficult it was, she resigned herself to seeking Carson's help.

Knowing that he was busy with patients at the moment, she set aside those plans and returned to work. The tightness increased, as did the temperature in the cabin. She slipped out of the long-sleeved jacket she'd taken to wearing as the nights had cooled in the last week, but it did little to help her. Just as she would have gone to the clinic, Carson arrived. She blinked up at him and saw the alarmed expression on his face. "Carson, what is it?"

"Alison?" He rushed to her side and put a hand on her face. "You're burnin' up!"

"Yeah, it's a bit hot in here."

"Aye." His tone told her that he didn't believe her for an instant. He took her by her shoulders and stared into her eyes. "How long have ye been feelin' like this?"

"This evening." She pushed away from the table and allowed herself to admit how bad she really felt. "I thought it was just. . .you know. . . ."

He visibly struggled to clear his face from emotion. "Ali, I'm goin' ta have ta examine you."

"I know." She nodded, trying not to flush. "I'm sorry, Carson."

Before he did anything, he pulled her into his arms. "Don't apologize." He pushed her away immediately and reached for his medical kit. "Now, describe your symptoms."

"Tightness across the chest, problems getting enough air, apparently a fever." She smiled. "I thought it was just a slight upper respiratory infection given the change in the seasons."

He nodded. "I'll need to draw some blood. And I want you to lie down."

Alison accepted that without a fuss. She admitted how bad she felt and let him take whatever he needed. He led her over to her pallet and ordered her to get comfortable while he went for some medications in the clinic. He returned shortly with an IV, oxygen, and some medications to help her feel better. Then, he moved to her spot at the lab table and began working on the blood samples he'd taken from her.

Alison lay in her pallet, watching him work as she tried to think about what had changed for them since their day away. She loved having him close, loved how he always made time for her, loved being able to relate without speaking a word. Life with Carson would be like this, she realized. It wasn't easy to be kind when everyone around her was ill or dying, but Carson made it seem almost effortless. He accepted her sour moods and desire to not talk to anyone. She knew they had a long way to go if they decided this was what they wanted, but she liked the thought that they could have started something to last for the rest of their lives.

A muttered curse brought Alison out of a restless sleep. She hadn't even realized that she was dozing until she struggled to focus on Carson. He sat at the lab table, staring at her as if he'd just lost his best friend. "Carson?" She couldn't get more than a whisper out.

He moved to her side, kneeling and taking her hand in his. "I'm sorry, love."

"I have it, don't I?"

"Aye." That one word caused his face to crumble. He didn't cry, but she saw the effect of it in the way his eyes fractured slightly. "Let me go to the clinic and get some medications. I'll be back."

"Okay." Alison let his hand slip out of hers and watched him leave the room. She had the disease. One that he didn't know how to cure. She closed her eyes and forced herself to breathe past the band across her chest. She _would_ survive. She had to. Carson needed her to.

oOo

Carson stood in the storeroom, quietly gathering supplies from the shelves. Alison needed more than just an IV and oxygen. She needed medications to help ease the symptoms. She needed. . . .

"Carson?" Omari's soft voice pulled him out of his thoughts. The woman had taken to using his given name after her son's death, and he suspected she simply needed someone to mother. Now, she stood in the storeroom door. "What is it?"

"It's Alison." He hated delivering this news to her. "She's got the disease."

Omari's face fell, and he watched as she dropped a bland expression over her features. When she looked back up, only her tears showed her true emotions. "May I see her?"

"Aye." He led her to the cabin, worried that Alison had already drifted to sleep. He administered some medications through the IV and took Alison's vitals. She was stable, for now. He'd seen patients languish like this for a week or more before recovering. He'd also seen them languish for just as long and die. He couldn't tell which one Alison would be.

Refusing to accept the latter option, Carson left Omari at her side and returned to the lab table. He spent the remainder of the night there, working on exploring some possible way to cure this disease. If he didn't. . . .He refused to consider losing Alison. Not yet.

The remainder of the week passed slowly. Carson slept maybe two or three hours a night, trusting Omari to watch over Alison while he rested. He split his time between the clinic—where several local women had returned to help the sick, the lab table—where he worked frantically on a possible cure, and Alison's bedside. Those times next to her were priceless as he realized that he really did love her. He decided that late one night while he held her hand. She'd drifted to sleep smiling because he'd called her beautiful, and seeing her so happy in spite of being so sick made his decision. It might have seemed fast for some, but Carson knew what he wanted in life.

He wanted Alison. It was as simple as that and yet so much more complicated. He wanted her to survive, to laugh, to be there when he came home exhausted. He wanted to give her everything she desired, to show her how special she really was. He wanted long conversations about medicine, dreams, and hopes for the future. He wanted to make sure she never woke from another dream about Vega's death alone. He wanted to be at her side for the rest of her life, and he wanted her at his side for the rest of his.

That simple decision affected everything. He spent less time in the clinic and more time working. His thoughts constantly turned to Perna and her death, and he pushed them aside until he could no longer ignore them. The locals understood his absence from the clinic as soon as they discovered that Alison was also ill. He still visited daily, but his focus was on making sure she lived. She had to live. He needed to tell her that he would do anything to make her happy, even if it meant that she returned to Earth for good. In spite of everything _he_ wanted, what _she_ wanted was priority after she survived.

Almost a week after she'd fallen ill, Carson returned from the clinic to find Omari waiting for him. "How is she?"

"Not good." Omari had a way of stating things with a tone of "duh" in her voice. Her pretty blond hair had thinned in recent weeks, a testament of her struggle against the modified Hoffan virus and the loss of her son. She'd lost weight, as well, but her green eyes burned brightly. Maybe a touch too brightly, because he thought he saw tears.

Carson frowned at her. "And how are you feelin,' lass?"

"I am. . .fine." Omari shrugged off his hand. "Carson, you are a good man. You need not concern yourself with me."

"On the contrary." Carson headed for the kitchen area of the cabin. "You're my friend, and that means I worry. Especially since you should also be in one of those beds. At least for a few more days."

She snorted at him, and he moved to the kitchen. He needed to eat, as did she, and they only had a few canned vegetables and some canned meat for the evening. Hope in the village had dwindled as more people became ill. Carson hadn't been able to locate the carrier for the disease yet, and he prayed he hadn't done something to expedite this.

Omari checked Alison, speaking softly with her as Carson set two plates on the table. Most of Alison's nourishment came from the IV now, but Omari needed to eat. That woman stepped out of the curtained area and met his eyes. "She's asking for you."

Carson set down his fork without having ever taken a bite and entered the "sickroom." He'd originally hung the curtains to give her privacy in the one-room cabin they shared. But, now, it kept her separated from the rest of the sick. Rather than letting his worry show, he smiled.

"Carson." Her voice was whisper-soft, and her blue eyes smiled at him. She had an oxygen cannula around her ears, and she drew on it frequently. Her breathing came in short spurts, almost like Perna's had at this stage.

He knelt next to her pallet and took her hand in his. "Hello, love."

She smiled at the endearment, not really understanding how much he meant it. "You're worried?"

"Aye." He nodded.

"I'm too sick, aren't I?"

"Aye," he said again. It was the truth. She should have started to recover by now.

"Maybe it's scarring on my lungs." She'd picked up on his thoughts and sought for an explanation. "I had pneumonia a couple times when I was young. Wouldn't that do this?"

"It could." He shifted to where he was sitting on the floor rather than kneeling. Part of him wanted to stretch out and hold her close to him, giving her a softer pillow than just the wooden floor. But he might be called away during the night again.

She drew on the oxygen once again, and her eyes, normally a vibrant blue, faded just a touch. They fluttered open. "I'm sorry." She pulled her hand from his and touched his face. "This isn't your fault."

She fell asleep before he could tell her that it was. Carson gently laid her hand back on her stomach and stared at her face. Her brown hair was oily and clinging to her sweaty face. The fever that ravaged her body had been multiplied. Still, she was beautiful. He saw past the effects of the illness and to the heart of what made Alison Porter who she was. And _that_ was what he loved.

Last time, he had no idea what to do about the illness. This time, however, he was better equipped. He knew how this virus had been designed, how it worked, and what counteracted it. Unfortunately, none of those remedies had helped. Just like Perna. His past with Perna aside, he knew he would never stop loving Alison, no matter how this ended for her.

That made his decision. For days, he'd considered pushing the "help button," as Colonel Sheppard called it. Ever since Alison fell ill a week ago, he'd thought about returning to Atlantis. He'd always put it off because she rallied. But a quick check of her vitals told him that her fever had spiked. _She may not get another chance_, he thought.

"Just hang in there, lass." Carson brushed her hair from her face. "I'll be back. Just. . .hang on!"

He left the curtained area and rushed to the clinic. Omari was still awake, still moving around the clinic and helping others. He carefully stepped through the pallets and touched her shoulder. "I need to go to the gate and. . . .Can you stay with her?"

Omari nodded. "You are calling your people?"

"Aye." Carson sighed and rubbed his eyes. "She needs help I can't provide."

Omari simply touched his elbow and headed back to the cabin. Carson watched her go, grateful beyond words for what she'd done up until now. With someone in the cabin, he set out on foot. The moon was full, and the path to the Stargate well-lit. Once there, the glow of the chevrons lit his face as he dialed and fished a radio from his pocket. After entering his IDC, he activated the radio. "Atlantis base, this is Carson Beckett. Please come in."

"Dr. Beckett, this is Mr. Woolsey." The bureaucrat's matter-of-fact manner came over the radio link. "What can we do for you?"

"I have a patient who needs advanced medical care." He rubbed his face, unable to give the man Alison's name without feeling like he might break. "Colonel Sheppard said to call if I needed anythin'."

After a moment, Woolsey's voice came back. "I've informed Dr. Keller, and she should be ready to head out within the half hour. Is there anything we can do until then?"

"No." Carson triggered the radio once more. "Beckett out." More tired and alone than he'd ever been, he sat down next to the DHD and waited.

~TBC


	8. Worry

**Author's Note:** So, I wasn't going to post today due to some RL things. But my conscience got the better of me (plus the fact I had a chapter more written than I thought), and I'm posting now. :) This chapter contains spoilers for my Keller/Lorne story, No Matter What. Sorry it's so late, but enjoy nonetheless! ~lg

oOo

The wormhole establishing woke Carson from a light sleep. He dragged himself back to the present, realizing that he'd called Atlantis just in time. He only hoped it was enough time for Alison.

Thinking of her snapped his focus back into place. Jennifer, wearing full hazmat gear, stopped in front of him. "Dr. Beckett, you have a patient that needs help?"

"Aye." He pushed himself to his feet as the gate disconnected, plunging them into darkness. He blinked a few times before leading them down a moonlit path. "She's been ill for a week, and she's had pneumonia as a child. I think that scarring has complicated the Hoffan drug."

Jennifer nodded and touched his arm. "We brought a portable isolation unit with us, and I've got Dr. Cole setting one up in the infirmary for when we arrive. She'll be moved to an observation room as soon as she's stable."

"Good." Carson glanced at her, feeling the emotion begin to choke his voice. In all the years, he'd still never been able to stop his propensity for crying when the stakes were high. "I. . .uh. . . I've been trying different. . . ."

"Carson, who is it?"

"Doctor Porter." He met Jennifer's eyes, letting her see exactly what he felt. He wasn't strong enough to put up a mask right now, anyway.

"We'll take care of her." Jennifer waited while he turned back toward the village and followed without another word.

Carson led the way through the village, hurrying but trying to give the people carrying the portable medical isolation unit enough time to catch up. The unit looked vaguely like a plastic coffin, and the thought of putting Alison into one of _those_ made his throat close up even more.

The cabin appeared out of the darkness ahead, the yellow light coming through the windows just as idyllic as ever. The truth was that everything had changed. Alison wasn't waiting on the other side with a warm meal and a smile for him. She waited on the other side for him to arrive with help, hanging on to life with a slim thread.

Blinking away these thoughts, Carson pushed through the door. He knew what this village looked like to Jennifer and her team. It was primitive, but these people had needed his help. And so he'd willingly sacrificed the comforts of home to help them. Had he made the wrong choice for Alison, though? Had asking for her sealed her fate? His mind traveled back to the day he wrote that letter, officially asking Colonel Sheppard if Alison could join him as a research assistant. He'd told himself then that he was impressed with her credentials, but he'd also been motivated by his own personal desire to have someone else with him. Now, he wondered if it all had been a mistake.

Inside, he glanced around, seeing the place as Jennifer likely did. Dirty dishes waiting to be washed but not piled too high, cluttered work table, everything neatly in its place otherwise. The curtains he'd hung for Alison's privacy had been drawn back so that he could see her while he worked. Now, they showed Omari sitting next to Alison while she slept. At least, he hoped she slept.

Omari rose, her expression and stance protective. "Dr. Beckett?"

"Omari, these are my friends." He touched her shoulder, trying to reassure her though all he wanted to do was rush to Alison's side. "They're from Atlantis."

Omari looked at Jennifer strangely and leaned toward Carson. "What are these clothes they wear?" she asked in a stage whisper.

In spite of the severity of the situation, Carson smiled slightly. "They're hazmat—hazardous materials—suits. They prevent others from becoming infected with the disease." As Omari made an "O" with her mouth, he motioned to each of them in turn. "Dr. Jennifer Keller, head of medicine on Atlantis. And Marie, her head nurse. I'm sorry, I don't know the rest of your team, Dr. Keller."

Jennifer waved aside the apology. "I understand." She turned to Alison, producing one of Atlantis's hand-held scanners that McKay had modified for medical use. Alison stirred as Jennifer knelt next to her.

"Dr. Keller?" Her voice was whisper-soft, and Carson heard the struggle to breathe. He stood stupidly in the middle of the room, torn between rushing to her side and letting Jennifer do her job.

Jennifer smiled at Alison, touching her shoulder compassionately. "Don't try to talk." She motioned to Marie to bring the isolation unit over. "We're here to take you back to Atlantis."

"No." Alison shook her head, drawing on the oxygen cannula. "Need to. . .stay here. . . ."

Carson moved then, realizing that Alison was trying to be supportive of him. She clearly thought he'd stay behind, working himself into exhaustion. He moved, kneeling on the other side of Alison's pallet. "It's alright, love. We're takin' you back so we can treat you better."

Jennifer glanced up at him as he spoke, but he ignored her. Instead, he focused on Alison's fever-bright eyes as she nodded and closed her eyes. Realizing that she'd accepted his promise, he stepped back and allowed Jennifer and Marie to load Alison into the isolation unit. While they worked, he turned to Omari. "I'll be back as soon as possible."

"Carson, do not worry." Omari shook her head. "You have done more for our people than we could have imagined. You've taught us many things, but Alison needs you right now."

Carson touched her shoulder and rushed to pack a few personal items. He knew that Alison's clothing would likely be burned due to the Hoffan plague. While Jennifer and Marie prepared Alison for departure, he spent a few moments looking over the room for anything he may have forgotten. As a last second thought, he grabbed the computer where he'd stored his recent research and rushed to catch up with Jennifer as her team made their way to the gate.

oOo

Carson blinked when he walked through the gate. He'd always liked the gateroom of Atlantis. The bright windows and high ceilings were welcoming in a very modern, somewhat advanced, kind of way. Today, however, he couldn't focus on that. A medical team, plus Colonel Sheppard and Teyla, met them. He immediately moved to Alison's side, spouting her vitals, blood oxygen level, and a plethora of other information. They accepted it and helped him load Alison onto a stretcher to take her to the infirmary. Carson started to walk with her, but Jennifer's hand on his arm stopped him. "Carson, I need you to step back." She met his eyes, her relationship with Major Lorne having helped her develop quite the backbone.

"I can't just. . . ." He watched as the medical team headed down the corridor.

"You can." She never looked away. "Carson, you're too close. You're exhausted, and you'll miss things. You called us for help. Let us help."

Carson blinked. He knew she was right, but this was _Alison_. "Jennifer, she's. . . ."

"I know." She nodded. "That's why I'm asking you to step back."

He let out a deep breath and nodded. Rather than speaking, Jennifer headed down the corridor. Determined to be there for Alison, Carson followed. He hated how this felt. This disease was his fault, and he was the best one to solve it. But he was so tired that he couldn't even get his eyes to focus. Sheppard and Teyla fell into step with him, neither one speaking but both being the support he needed right then. In the infirmary, he stood in the door to the critical care area and watched as Jennifer helped her team remove Alison from the isolation unit. From this distance, he could see that she'd slipped into unconsciousness. That worried him. None of the other patients, Omari included, had slipped into a coma.

Jennifer confirmed it as she ran more than a few tests. Carson listened as the team inserted a new IV, intubated Alison, and looked at her scans. Blood was drawn for more tests, and the focus in the infirmary concerned Carson. He'd worked like this before, usually when a patient was on the verge of passing from this world.

Jennifer left the isolation unit set up in the infirmary. She stepped to Carson's side, including Sheppard and Teyla in her report. "She's weak. But she's holding her own. Her organs show signs of shutting down, but they haven't begun to yet. I'm concerned about the amount of scarring on her lungs. It seems to have complicated this, and the severe infection appears to be the result of a slight cold in conjunction with the Hoffan plague. I wish I could give you a prognosis, but. . . ."

Alarms blared, and Jennifer whirled. In the isolation unit, Marie rushed to check machines. Jennifer rushed back to Alison's side, sharing the same medical short-hand with Marie that Carson shared with every nurse. However, two words shattered Carson's world.

"She's crashing!"

oOo

Jennifer never glanced at Carson as she worked, but she was very aware of his presence. Something was wrong. Victims of the Hoffan plague didn't crash. Their organs just shut down. Someone provided a crash cart when she called for it, and she managed to get Alison's heart pumping again. She sat back on her heels. "She's back."

Marie nodded, and Jennifer stared down at Alison's pale face. What was going on with this case? She ducked back out of the isolation unit. She walked directly to Carson. "What's her recent medical history? Anything happen back on that planet that's not in her file?"

"Pneumonia a few times when she was young, but nothing since. Of course, you know that." He never looked at Jennifer. His eyes stayed on Alison as the medical personnel work over her.

"What about pathogens on the planet? Omari?"

"No, Omari wouldn't do this." He stopped to think. "She caught the virus the second time around. With the second influx of patients at the clinic. But I didn't know anythin' about this."

"I'll run some blood tests and see if I can identify the reason." Jennifer touched his arm. "Carson, get some rest."

"Aye." He stepped toward the unit, and Jennifer's heart went out to him. He clearly cared for Alison, but he couldn't be near her.

Then, Jennifer frowned. "Carson, let me get a sample of blood from you, too. You were around Dr. Porter for weeks. If this is some sort of infection picked up on the planet. . . ."

He glanced over his shoulder and nodded distractedly. "Aye."

Jennifer touched his shoulder again. "Carson, you can sit with her after you get some rest. Right now, Alison needs you to rest."

He nodded, his shoulders slumped in defeat. Jennifer could not begin to imagine how he felt. But she knew someone who could. As soon as she finished drawing a blood sample, she sent Carson on his way to his quarters for some rest. She expected him back within four hours, but that would give her enough time to run the blood tests and consult with someone else.

She touched her radio. "Keller to Lorne."

"Go ahead." Her fiance's voice sounded somewhat distracted, but it was warm like always.

"I need to see you in the infirmary. There's been a situation down here."

"Jennifer, is everything okay?" This time, he bypassed the usual business-like tone for a concerned one. "Is Dr. Porter. . .?"

"She slipped into a unconsciousness, and I've put her in a medically induced coma to keep her vitals regulated." Jennifer shook her head. "I don't know what's making her so sick, but I'm not worried about her. I need some advice."

"Give me twenty minutes. Lorne out."

Jennifer went back to work secure in the idea that he'd be there as quickly as possible.

oOo

Late that evening, Carson slipped back into the infirmary. He'd managed to get a three-hour nap and a good meal, plus a shower, and now felt slightly human. His sleep had been the sleep of the exhausted, and his dreams hadn't returned this time. It was as if his body knew that Alison needed him to rest. When he'd awakened, he'd dressed in the Atlantis uniform he'd left in his closet and ate a quick breakfast before going directly to Jennifer's office.

"Carson." She smiled at him, her eyes sympathetic while her face was tired. "She's been moved into an isolation room."

"How is she?"

"Weak." Jennifer smiled at him. "Her body's fighting the Hoffan drug, which is what's causing the high fever and complications. I'm still working on figuring out why she crashed, but I don't think she's in any danger. Not anymore."

He'd thought about that, too. "What about neutropenia?"

"Low neutrophil count?" Jennifer shrugged. "I've still got the blood samples I took earlier, so I can run them. It would cause the high fever and lead to her crash."

"Aye." Carson nodded. "And, if it was complicated by the Hoffan plague. . . ."

"Then there's no telling what it might do."

He let out a deep breath, realizing just how bad it could get for Alison. Neutropenia often went undetected, and a minor infection could become life-threatening for someone without those important white blood cells. "Can I see her?"

Jennifer thought for a moment. "I don't see why not." She frowned. "I've finished your blood tests as well. From what I can tell, you're suffering no ill effects of being around the sickness."

Carson settled on the edge of her couch, knowing he'd have to answer her questions. "I wondered if it was a result of Michael's experimentation, but I can't be sure."

"It's worth looking into." Jennifer rose and led him toward the isolation room. "All I can say is that you're the only person on this base who can go in there without hazmat. Unfortunately, if this _is _contagious, I can't have you spreading it to the rest of the population, so I'm going to require hazmat anyway."

Carson touched her shoulder. "Thank you, Jennifer."

She smiled again and left him alone. Carson took a deep breath and entered the room set up for medical personnel. As he donned the hazmat suit, the thought about everything he knew concerning neutropenia. How it often presented in chemotherapy patients due to a suppression of the bone marrow as it produced new blood cells. The word "sepsis" was frightening in any case, but Carson had never experienced the terror he now had. It wasn't just a patient lying in that isolation room with neutropenic sepsis. It was the woman he loved. He knew Jennifer would begin administering empirical antibiotics, hoping to stave off the myriad of symptoms the infection could bring. And who knew what the Hoffan drug could do to it? Carson shook his head as he secured the hazmat helmet and stepped into the hospital room.

Alison lay in a hospital bed, propped up like any other patient. Someone had washed her hair and brushed it away from her face, probably in an effort to lower her fever as well as eliminate any pathogens from the planet. She'd been intubated, and IV tubes ran to several machines. Carson looked over the computer screens set up to monitor her, seeing her true condition. She was alive and fighting, but it would be a long recovery. She could suffer cardiac complications, respiratory failure, hypotension, and any number of serious medical complications. Sometimes, he wished his medical knowledge wasn't so extensive.

He found a round stool next to the bed and wheeled it around to the side with the least amount of tubes. Movement above him distracted him momentarily, and he glanced up at the observation room. Jennifer spoke with someone in the shadows, and Carson realized that anything he said in here would likely be recorded. It didn't matter. He perched on the stool and took Alison's hand in his. He hated the clumsiness of the hazmat suit, wanting to her to feel him holding her hand, not just a glove. But it couldn't be helped. He brushed one small strand of hair from her face as he blinked back tears. "Fight this, love."

He would have said more, but the door opened. Thinking Jennifer had come in to check her patient, Carson blinked when he recognized Lorne in hazmat gear. He straightened, carefully laying Alison's hand on her stomach. "Major."

"Doc." Lorne glanced at Alison, his features showing compassion. "I heard you were back."

"Aye." Carson turned back to Alison, seeing past the sickness, the medical equipment, and the coma. She was lovely, inside and out. It would break him if she died.

Lorne moved and put a hand on his shoulder, clearly seeing his need for silence. Still, the major had a thing or two to say, so he simply waited until Carson turned to him again. "Doc, I know you likely don't want anyone here, but I'll stay awhile if it's okay."

Carson shrugged. "Why wouldn't it be?"

Lorne met his eyes. "Because I've been where you're at."

Carson frowned and then remembered the reports he'd read of the time he'd been in Michael's custody—when the _original_ Carson Beckett had been dead. Jennifer and a team had come in contact with some sort of neurotoxin that caused their bodies to produce excess amounts of oxytocin, vasopressin, and cotricotropin-releasing hormones. That started a chain reaction in the pituitary gland and adrenal cortex. Ultimately, all of the patients had exhibited beserker-like rage, and one of the team members had actually died from an extreme fever as his body broke down the neurotoxin. In that time, Lorne had stayed beside Jennifer's bed until she woke.

Coming back to the present, Carson nodded. "Thank you, Major." And he was grateful. He knew more than a few people on Atlantis, but Alison only knew a few. Teldy, Mehra, Colonel Sheppard, and himself. She even told him one evening that she hadn't taken the time to get to know anyone, thinking she'd be on Teldy's team for quite some time. It meant a lot that Major Lorne would sit with him.

"So, Major, how go the plans?" Carson figured he'd find something to talk about while they waited, especially since one's sense of hearing often remained in coma patients. He wanted Alison to have something nice to hear, not just medical mumbo-jumbo, as he'd often heard Lorne and other military personnel call it.

In his hazmat suit, Lorne grimaced. "They go." He shook his head. "I'm completely committed to marrying Jennifer—don't get me wrong. But I could definitely do without the chaos of the wedding."

"Aye." Carson leaned his elbows on Alison's bed. It seemed almost sacrilegious to discuss the major's wedding plans while Alison fought for her life. But he wanted better memories for her than silence. "I remember when a cousin of mine married. She chose to marry at our family home in Scotland. My mother was in a tizzy for weeks."

"The family home?"

"Aye, near Wick in the Scottish highlands." Carson shuddered. "I remember havin' to wear a kilt for that, too."

To his credit, Lorne raised a hand. "Doc, I respect your culture and all, but please! Don't torture me."

Carson smiled, but the conversation fizzled out after that. He turned back to Alison, choosing to ignore the major and just hold her hand.

The two men spent the next hour waiting in silence. Lorne left only when duty called, leaving Carson to his thoughts. Talk of weddings had turned his mind to his own hopes for Alison once she survived. If she survived. He couldn't help but imagine her walking down the aisle in one of those fancy white dresses and smiled. "Pull through this, love." He shook his head. "I need you here."

~TBC

**Author's Note II:** As my medical knowledge is limited, what you have here is what I could find on Wikipedia. I started researching the idea of a high fever, trying to figure out why Alison had crashed. That led me to febrile neutropenia, which led me to researching neutropenia. Like Jennifer stated in the story, "neutropenia is a hematological disorder characterized by an abnormally low number of neutrophils, the most important type of white blood cell. Neutrophils usually make up 50-70% of circulating white blood cells and serve as the primary defense against infections by destroying bacteria in the blood. Hence, patients with neutropenia are more susceptible to bacterial infections, and, without prompt medical attention, the condition may become life threatening." (Wikipedia) The article later goes on to say that neutropenia can go undetected for years and is usually discovered when the patient has a severe infection of some sort (such as the Hoffan plague). Neutropenic sepsis, which Carson thinks about, is a life threatening illness that results most often in chemotherapy patients as the bone marrow's ability to reproduce blood cells has been suppressed. Please remember that I am no medical doctor, so I've broken out that sci-fi medical degree that I obtained recently. Please forgive any mistakes related to that. Also, the bit about Jennifer and the neurotoxin toward the end of this chapter was a direct reference to my story, No Matter What. Hope you enjoyed! ~lg


	9. Waking Up

Carson had never been the type to sit by when he could help another. He'd put his life on the line multiple times, including when he should have been in a hospital bed himself. But this was different. He wanted to help Alison, but he couldn't leave her side. Not yet.

After Major Lorne left the isolation room, Carson settled into the chair that Jennifer brought him. The two doctors chatted slightly as she checked Alison's vitals and administered another round of antibiotics. Carson watched her, proud of the physician she'd become. He'd met her while she was still in medical school, and she'd so impressed him that he requested that she join the Atlantis expedition. When she'd arrived just after the Replicator take-over, she'd performed so well that he made her his second-in-command over the infirmary. Never in his entire life did he believe she would take his position when he died a couple months later.

Carson shook his head, feeling the heat building behind the helmet of the hazmat suit. He'd already started sweating some time ago and knew he'd need another shower before the day was out. Being cloned raised quite a few issues, the least of which was what happened to the original and how did they explain that to the original's family? In his case, it had been easier to visit his own grave and then leave Scotland. He still kept an eye on the family home and often considered purchasing it if it ever became available. At least, he'd have that bit of history to return to if he ever left Pegasus. Of course, he'd have to be incredibly careful in Scotland. A lot of people knew him, and he wasn't the type to become reclusive.

What would Alison want? His eyes turned back to the bed, and he took a few moments to think about his plans for the future. Would she even want to continue a relationship with him? Her illness may have changed a lot of things, but he wouldn't know until she woke. If she did want a relationship with him, would she even want to visit Scotland? She seemed like the type to do so because it was his homeland, but visiting and living there were two different things. He'd once told Perna that Scotland was an acquired taste, and he wasn't sure Alison would even want to acclimate to it.

Tired of his thoughts of maybes and what-ifs, Carson pushed to his feet and paced to one wall. He couldn't just do nothing. So, when Jennifer arrived another hour later, he stepped forward. "Jennifer, let me do somethin'."

"You are." She smiled at him. "She needs to know you're here."

"Aye, and I'm dyin' in this hazmat suit, anyway." Carson would have rubbed his eyes. "I understand why you can't have me treatin' her, but let me help with the research. Please."

Jennifer stared at him, seeing the condensation that had built up inside his hazmat helmet. Finally, she nodded. "Okay." She glanced at her watch. "But only after a shower and three to five hours of rest. And a good meal. I'd prefer you get eight hours of sleep, but I know that won't happen."

Carson accepted her conditions without arguing. After she left, he moved to Alison's side. "Ali-love, hold on. I'm workin' on some ideas to help ya." He hesitated before whispering, "I love you."

Then, he walked out the door and shed the rubber suit. Breathing a sigh of relief as the cool air hit his face, he rushed to his quarters and right into a shower. As soon as the sweat and smell of rubber were removed, he crawled into bed and forced himself to sleep. _The mark of a good doctor,_ he thought just before he fell asleep, _is his ability to sleep well in short lengths of time and no matter what circumstances await._

oOo

Alison first heard beeping. She thought she frowned, but couldn't be sure. Everything felt weird, almost blank. The beeping continued, along with a strange hissing sound. Her fuzzy mind tried to work it all out, but she slipped back into that comforting darkness.

A little while later, she heard the beeping change, almost like someone had. . . . Had what? She couldn't get her mind to work at all, and the confusion grew. She tried to force her eyes open, but they stayed glued shut. This time, however, she wouldn't be going to sleep without knowing a little more. That strange hissing sound came again, and she felt her lungs expand and contract along with it.

A respirator? She had no idea where the thought came from, but it popped into her head from nowhere. Now she felt the plastic tube in her throat and the soft bed where she'd been for an obviously long amount of time. Someone spoke in the room, sounding like they were under water. Or was she the one under water?

The room fell silent, and Alison drifted again. This time was different. It wasn't a blank, like last time. It was sleep, restful and healthy. She liked it when she slept like this, but it usually took some heavy-duty drugs for her to forget her nightmares and issues. The last time she'd slept like this was right after Omari nearly died.

She woke again some time later, and her eyes functioned enough to open. She saw an observation window with movement, various monitors and machines, and orange walls. Her eyes closed of their own accord, but it told her several things. She wasn't with Carson anymore. And she was on Atlantis. She struggled to breathe, but the respirator never faltered. Fighting against it caused alarms to sound, though, as her pulse rose. She heard the door open, and a woman wearing an orange hazmat suit came through.

"Hey, hey, hey. Take it easy."

Alison recognized Dr. Keller. _How did I get here? Where's Carson?_ The questions wouldn't come out, though, and she fought against the drugged feeling.

Keller moved back into view. "Dr. Porter, you're in Atlantis." She produced a penlight. "I need to do several things, and we'll see how well you breathe on your own."

Alison nodded ever so slightly. She allowed Keller to shine the light into her eyes, blinking and cringing away the first time. The second time, she was able to keep her eyes open in spite of the brightness. After having been unconscious for so long, even the dimmed lights of the room hurt.

Keller performed several more tests—including drawing blood—with Alison complying but not totally aware. She heard words like "coma" and "awakened," but she still couldn't seem to make the connection between her illness and how she wound up here. Keller finally came to her side and put a hand on her shoulder. "We're ready to remove the respirator." She smiled. "I'll get you set up on oxygen, okay?"

Alison nodded and waited while Keller and one other person—not Carson—worked. The tube sliding out of her throat made her gag, and she felt the residual soreness it left behind. She _never_ wanted to experience that again!

Keller offered her a couple of ice chips to soothe the dryness, and Alison settled back on the pillow. Breathing on her own was different. More work. Less easy. But she was able to take over that autonomic function with relative ease. The oxygen being given her through the cannula helped, and she simply enjoyed the ability to draw a full breath even if her chest was slightly tight.

"What happened?"

Keller turned at her whisper. "You were very sick." She smiled. "I've called Dr. Beckett, and he should be here, shortly. I'll let him explain."

Alison nodded and settled back on the pillow. She was alive, unlike her previous fears. And Carson was on the way. At this moment, life was good.

oOo

Carson walked into his quarters with a sigh and closed the door. He was tired. More tired than he'd been in a long time. The radio hooked over his ear felt heavy. Rather than removing it right away, he let out another deep breath and pulled the lab coat from his shoulders. He draped it over his desk chair, and his radio soon followed.

He'd just put in six hours in Jennifer's lab. He'd had four hours of sleep and a meal before that, but it wasn't enough. The exhaustion from his time back on the planet had caught up, and he knew he'd have to rest sooner rather than later. If he could just keep going long enough to shower and have some time at Alison's bedside, he'd be a happy man.

At odd intervals during the day, he'd paused to consider his actions. He wanted nothing more than to be at Alison's side, waiting for her to open those beautiful eyes. But he was a doctor, and he had knowledge that could help her. He trusted Jennifer to keep an eye on Alison, and he preferred to make progress toward a cure rather than sit at her side helplessly. At least he was _doing_ something.

And he'd made progress that day, though not much. He'd discovered that Alison's neutropenia only complicated the Hoffan plague. The scarring on her lungs from pneumonia didn't help, nor did the slight cold she'd obviously been fighting when she fell ill. All of those aspects combined to make her condition even more life-threatening than it would have been. Carson spent those six hours in Jennifer's lab trying to figure out a way to reduce the effect of the Hoffan plague on Alison's body. Yes, the research would help others suffering the same disease, but he wasn't being so altruistic right now. His focus was a little closer to home and a heck of a lot more personal.

Carrying the hand-held radio into the bathroom, Carson started the shower and stood under the hot water. He'd been this exhausted before, back when he worked against his will to perfect the Hoffan drug for Michael. He remembered the day he collapsed in the lab, unable and unwilling to continue his research. He'd been going without food or water for hours, and the injections Michael gave him also produced an addictive-like behavior. He now understood that he needed the drug cocktail to survive, but it was early in his time with Michael. He'd been given a day in his window-less cell to rest, and he'd slept through most of it. This time was different, though. This time, he wasn't hoping that his efforts would fail. This time, he prayed they would succeed.

The radio squawked. "Keller to Beckett."

Carson jerked upright, banging his knee against the tile of the bathroom as he realized he'd nearly drifted to sleep standing up. "Bloody. . .!" Shutting off the water, he quickly dried a hand and grabbed the radio. "Beckett. Go ahead."

"Are you alright, Carson?" Leave it to Jennifer to pick up on the slight irritation in his voice.

"Aye."

"Good." She paused. "Dr. Porter regained consciousness a few moments ago."

"Well, why didn't ya say so?" He rushed out of the shower. "I'm on my way."

He hurriedly dried and put on clean clothes, grabbing his lab coat out of habit. On his way to the infirmary, he threw it on and hooked his radio over his ear. His hair stood on end, but he refused to worry about what others thought of him at this point in time.

In the infirmary, he found Jennifer sitting at a desk, typing a report. "Jennifer, lass, did ya have to call me while I was showerin'? You'd've scared the pants offa me if I'd been wearin' any." He ignored the sound of the infirmary doors opening and closing behind him.

Jennifer, who had glanced up when he entered, laughed as her eyes moved to whomever was behind him. "Too much information, Carson!"

Lorne had obviously just entered the infirmary and glanced between the two of them. "What's too much information?"

Carson exchanged another glance with Jennifer. "Never mind!" they said in unison.

Lorne frowned and turned to Jennifer, his eyes sparkling. "Tell me later?" he asked, waggling his eyebrows at his finacee.

Jennifer flushed at his suggestion and then glanced at Carson, shuddering as she did so. "No. Definitely not." Then, she shrugged. "Sorry, Carson."

"No need to apologize, love." He sobered. "You said she's awake?"

Jennifer pushed off her stool and touched Lorne's arm as she passed. The major slipped onto a stool and watched as they headed for the isolation room. Jennifer turned to Carson. "I've run blood tests, and I can say with some level of certainty that she's no longer contagious. She's coherent, but things are a bit fuzzy."

"Aye, that's normal." Carson let out a deep breath. "How's she breathin'?"

"On her own." Jennifer shook her head. "Carson, I don't know why she survived. Even with the antibiotics we gave her, she was still pretty far gone." She smiled and touched his arm. "I can only conclude that she had a reason for staying with us."

He nodded, though he couldn't say another word about it. He wasn't sure whether Alison's survival had anything to do with their budding relationship or not, but he hoped so. Letting out a deep breath, he pushed through the door and smiled.

Alison lay with her head turned toward him. The respirator was gone, but an oxygen cannula draped across her face. She'd obviously drifted to sleep, and the way her chest rose and fell thrilled him. It meant she was past the worst part of her illness. Moving closer, he debated between waking her or simply watching her sleep.

Choosing the latter, he cringed when the stool he grabbed screeched. Alison startled awake, her breath somewhat ragged but not incredibly concerning given recent events. Her blue eyes focused, and a smile tipped up the corners of her mouth. "Carson."

"Hi, love." He carried the stool to her side and sat down, taking the hand she reached toward him.

"You came."

"Of course I came." He tightened his hold on her hand ever so slightly. "I wouldn't want ta be anywhere else."

"I'm glad." She drifted slightly, her eyes closing, but Carson stayed where he was. His own exhaustion faded to the background, and he knew he'd rest when he could.

Alison opened her eyes again. "What happened?" She frowned. "Besides us comin' to Atlantis."

Suddenly, just holding her hand wasn't enough. He brushed a hand over her forehead, letting her hair slip between his fingers. "I nearly lost you." The strength of his emotions overwhelmed him, complicated by his exhaustion, and he almost lost the battle with his tears. It was one thing he'd never truly been able to overcome. His mum called him a "tender soul," but his propensity for crying when he thought about losing someone close to him usually got him in trouble.

Alison moved, pulling her hand from his and laying it on his face. "You didn't, though," she whispered.

"Aye." He smiled and reached up to wrap his hand around hers. She drifted to sleep this time and missed the way he kissed her palm. "Dream well, love."

He couldn't leave her, though, and settled in to simply watch her sleep.

oOo

Jennifer slipped into the observation room about an hour after Carson joined Alison. All of the monitors around Alison's bed also showed on the monitors up here, and she didn't want to wake her patient. Dinner with Evan had lasted a bit longer, especially when Coughlin and Reed showed up. And, of course, Teyla had been virtually isolated for her transition from Wraith queen back to human. She'd requested it out of concern for the mental stability of others, and Jennifer couldn't argue. The change would take another week, and Jennifer was already tired. As was Teyla. The Athosian had spent hours with her son, who was still young enough not to worry about his mother's appearance, but Kanaan had not been around since Teyla's decision to rejoin Sheppard's team. Jennifer worried that he'd reacted badly, and Teyla rarely mentioned him. John seemed happy about it, though. Jennifer shook her head, weary to the bone. She'd enjoyed the evening, but she needed to rest. Right now, she simply wanted to check in with her most critical patient.

She stopped, however, at the window. Carson still sat next to Alison, having exchanged the stool that squeaked loudly when moved for the low chair. He held Alison's hand, but his own head rested on the bed next to her.

Jennifer smiled. She'd seen Carson at a patient's bedside before, exhausted beyond reason but able to stay awake. That he slept told her that he'd worried more for Alison than he'd worried for anyone else. And why shouldn't he? He was in love with the woman.

Jennifer quietly checked the monitors in the observation deck as she thought about her relationship with Carson. He'd mentored her, and she'd learned how to read him. Granted, the lovable Scot wasn't hard to read, but she'd learned the nuances of his accent. Earlier, when he'd spoken to her about Alison's condition, his accent had thickened and his voice softened, the way it always had when his feelings ran deep.

Her check-in complete, Jennifer left the couple alone and went to see Teyla before retiring for the night.

~TBC


	10. Team Dynamics

**Author's Note:** A huge thank you to everyone who was patient with me last week. I have made a commitment that any challenge responses stay at one (two at the most) chapters. A portion of this chapter was inspired by **theicemenace**, who has made a lovely beta and wonderful friend. And it also contains minor spoilers for my story "No Matter What." So, without further ado, the next chapter of THIS story! Enjoy! ~lg

oOo

Alison stirred and felt weight on her bed. She blinked a few times to get her eyes to stay open, inwardly wondering when the drugs Dr. Keller had used to put her into the medically induced coma would finally be out of her system. She would have rubbed her eyes, as well, but something held her right hand captive. Looking down, she smiled.

Carson slept next to her bed, his head pillowed on one hand while he held her hand with the other. She simply stared for a moment, captivated by the expression on his face. He had to be thoroughly exhausted to sleep like that, but she didn't mind. All the cares of life seemed to have vanished, leaving only a faint imprint in the lines on his face. Laugh lines around his eyes caught the dim light, and Alison felt the familiar, yet frightening, stirring the region of her heart. She cared for him a lot more than she'd allowed herself to believe if the sight of his laugh lines could thrill her that way.

This man had nearly worked himself into the ground. Just for her. She thought about what he'd said right after she'd awakened from the coma. "I nearly lost you." She'd expected him to use the plural "we" to indicate the entire medical team. But he hadn't, and it told her how personal this was for him. Somehow, instead of making her self-conscious or uncomfortable, it made her feel special.

Realizing that he needed to rest in more than just a chair, Alison pulled her hand from beneath his. That he didn't stir told her just how exhausted he really was. She'd learned that doctors slept anywhere, any time, and in any position, but he'd wake up with a crick in his neck if he didn't move. However, how to wake him? Alison bit her lip as she debated that question. In all their time together, she'd only ever initiated contact a couple of times. And those had been in moments of great emotion when he or she needed the extra comfort. Every other time they'd held hands or he'd kissed her, he had initiated the contact.

Was she ready for this? Shaking her head at the direction of her thoughts, Alison gently ran her fingers through Carson's hair. He smiled in his sleep, and she nearly laughed at the contented sigh he let out. She touched his face once more before running her fingers through his hair again. This time, he blinked in surprise, his eyes sparkling when he realized what had awakened him.

"Oh, hey." His voice was thick, warm, and she thought she'd love to hear that tone every day from now on.

"Hey." Alison allowed him to capture her hand and lace their fingers together. She knew she was on some serious medication when the contrast between their hands—hers slender and smooth while his were somewhat rough and strong—totally captured her attention.

"How are you feelin', love?" Carson's soft question pulled her out of her thoughts.

"Fine." Alison glanced up at the observation room, relieved to see that they weren't being watched. "Sleepy."

"Aye." He nodded and stood to check the monitors still surrounding her bed. "I spoke with Jennifer a while ago. They're talkin' about moving you into the main infirmary later today."

Alison frowned. "How long have I been asleep?"

He glanced at his watch. "Coming up on twelve hours."

"And how long have _you_ been here?"

He grinned sheepishly. "Just the last few. You were sleepin' so well I figured I'd spend some time in the lab and see if I could figure this thing out."

"Did you?"

"No." He shook his head. "Ali-love, you're lucky to still be here. We found a blood disorder that we didn't know you even had."

Alison surprised herself when she lifted her hand and pressed a finger to his lips. "I don't care right now." She flushed and let her hand dropped, relieved when he caught it. "You need to rest, too."

"Aye." He let out a deep breath, allowing her to see how tired he really was. "I'd intended to go rest when I came to see you."

"Why didn't you?"

He stared at her, his blue eyes almost overwhelming. "You really have no idea, do ye?"

"I like to think I do." She shook her head when he started to speak. "This isn't the place to discuss this, Carson. Get some rest, and then we can talk. When we're _both_ able to stay awake longer than a few moments at a time."

"Aye, I suppose you're right." He squeezed her hand. "I'll be back in a couple of hours."

"At least six." Alison grinned. "I may specialize in research, but I'm sure I can get Dr. Keller to make it an order."

"No need, love." He hesitated slightly before leaning forward and kissing her temple. Staring directly into her eyes, he smiled. "I'll see you later."

She returned the smile. "Bye." She watched as he left the room, casting one final glance, smile, and wave in her direction.

Alison looked back to the observation deck. She knew she'd have to move from this bed sooner or later, and the urge to get up nearly overpowered her. Then, she glanced around at all the monitors still attached to her body and realized she'd never get away with it. Instead, she settled back to consider her relationship with Carson.

They'd started something back on that planet, something that she didn't want to see end. Carson had always called her "love," a habit he'd undoubtedly developed as a doctor and a Scotsman. Though, in recent days, his voice took on a different tone when he talked to her. And, every now and then, he added a bit of her name to it, making it "Ali-love." She liked how he looked at her when he said it.

The medications still in her bloodstream pulled on Alison, and she closed her eyes. She'd worry about getting out of bed later. For now, sleep was probably the best course of action for her. She drifted off, to sleep thinking about how she would feel when she could finally get out of this bed and hug him for all he'd done for her.

oOo

Several hours later, Alison was ready to climb out of the bed. Dr. Keller had come, removing the majority of the monitors, the catheter, and all but one IV, leaving Alison with the promise that she'd be moved into the main infirmary later that day. Alison knew she still had a long recovery ahead of her, but Dr. Keller seemed happy with her progress. She was also impressed that Alison managed to get Carson to rest for more than two hours. Now, Alison sat in her bed, eying the computer Jennifer had left her specifically for reading or watching movies, and wondered if she could handle being a patient. She'd always been a bookworm, but forced confinement usually meant she wanted to escape outdoors. Kind of like now.

The door to the isolation room opened, and Alison turned, expecting Dr. Keller and a nurse or two. Instead, she blinked when Major Teldy and Sergeant Mehra appeared.

Teldy smirked at her, though Alison knew it wasn't meant offensively. "Well, look who's finally awake."

"Hey." Alison pushed herself up in her bed. "Long time, no see."

"Yeah." Mehra chewed a piece of gum, like she always did when she was nervous or in a combat situation. "How ya feelin'?"

"Better." Alison took a deep breath. "It still hurts a little to breathe, but I'm finally out of the woods. Or so Dr. Keller says."

Teldy nodded and pulled up the chair Carson had slept in. "Yeah, she filled us in. Apparently, you gave everyone quite a scare."

Alison scowled. "I don't remember being that scared." She shrugged. "Honestly, I just wanted it to be over one way or another. I couldn't breathe, and I was so sick. The only thing that concerned me was leaving Car—Dr. Beckett without anyone to help in the clinic. The plague had come back around to the village, and most everyone was either sick or trying to support those who helped."

Dusty grabbed the stool that squeaked, stopping to cringe along with everyone else when the squeal echoed around the room. "Sorry." She carefully carried it over to the side of the bed and straddled it, all the while trying not to move it. "Why do they even keep this thing around?"

Alison shrugged. "Ask Dr. Keller."

"I will." She propped her elbows on the bed and pinned Alison in place. "So, did you and Dr. Beckett. . .uh. . . ." She motioned toward Alison and then away.

Alison flushed.

"Sergeant!" Teldy glared at her team member.

Dusty had the good grace to look somewhat chagrined. But only a little. "Sorry," she said again."

Teldy rolled her eyes and turned back to Alison. "We _are_ a little curious. Especially after the last time we saw the two of you together."

Alison shifted in the bed, buying time while she figured out what to say about her relationship with Carson. It wasn't complicated by any stretch of the imagination, but they hadn't discussed it. The one time he seemed inclined to work things out, she'd sent him to bed so that she could rest without worrying about him. "We're. . . ."

"I knew it!" Dusty crowed triumphantly.

Alison gave her an exasperated glare. "We're not 'together' that way. At least, not yet. And, no, I won't tell you if we ever are."

"Don't you mean 'when' you are?" Teldy asked. When Alison glared at her, she raised her hands. "Hey, we've all been around while you were out, but only medical personnel were allowed in this room. And Dr. Beckett. Which means either he has some blackmail material on Lorne and Keller, or you and he are something of an item."

"We haven't really talked about it."

"I see." Teldy clearly got the hint, though Dusty still smirked. Seeing the smirk, Teldy nudged Dusty's foot. "You gonna tell her your news?"

"What news?" Dusty tried to look confused, but a bit of apprehension came through.

Teldy grinned at Alison. "Mehra, here, has a boyfriend."

"I do not!" Dusty protested.

Teldy blinked at her. "Oh, so what I found the two of you doing in the closet is what _friends_ do? What was it you called him? The 'Chuck-i-nator'?"

Alison couldn't keep the giggle back. She turned to Dusty. "Chuck? As in the _gate tech_ Chuck?"

"Yeah." Dusty shifted in her chair. "So?"

Alison shrugged. "No reason. Though I'll keep an eye out for a _sock_ on the door," she said, referring to Dusty's rather off-color comment to her and Carson the first time they'd ever worked together.

"You wouldn't dare."

"Watch me." Alison smiled sweetly, but Dusty knew she'd do it if given half an opportunity. Everyone assumed Alison was a sweet little thing, and she tended to be. But Dusty managed to bring out the evil younger sister that she'd always wanted to be.

Before anyone could respond to that, Keller walked in, followed by Marie and another nurse. She paused slightly. "I didn't know you had visitors." Then, she smiled at Teldy and Mehra in such a way that they knew she was giving them an order. "Would you ladies mind waiting outside while we transfer Dr. Porter to the main infirmary?"

"Yep." Teldy pushed to her feet and touched Alison's shoulder. "I'm glad you're better. We all are."

Alison waved and shook her head as the two left the room. Life on Teldy's team had always been like that. Alison, being the only non-military person on the team, had become the little sister who needed protecting. And she usually tried to show that she could hold her own in any situation. However, on certain occasions, that younger sister routine came in handy.

Turning to Keller, she grinned. "How do you want to go about this?"

oOo

After six hours of sleep, a long shower, and a hot meal, Carson felt like a new man. He met up with Colonel Sheppard's team as he reached the mess hall and wound up spending two hours there, just talking and laughing like old times. The subject of Alison came up, but none of them really asked any questions. They all wanted to, but he appreciated their discretion at this time. She still wasn't out of the infirmary, and Carson didn't want to discuss his relationship with her until they'd figured out exactly what it was.

Now, he walked back into the infirmary and smiled when he saw Alison set up in a bed some distance away from the main triage area. It would still get noisy at times, but it was a quieter portion of the infirmary. And the lights could be lowered here. Teldy and Mehra sat next to her bed, the three of them chatting. Alison laughed, and Carson stopped to simply watch. None of the women had noticed him, yet, and he almost left to find Jennifer and see if he could help elsewhere. Alison needed this time with her friends, especially since he knew she hadn't responded well to Vega's death.

Just as he started to turn, Teldy spotted him. She said something to Alison, who immediately looked for him as well. Carson remained in place as the two visitors said their goodbyes and then left. On her way past, Teldy grinned. "Doc."

"Major." Carson moved to Alison's side, waiting until Mehra had left before taking her hand. "Ali-love, how are ye?"

"Better, now." She smiled. "Dr. Keller allowed me to walk around a bit, today. She said she'd bring a chair tomorrow if I behaved."

Carson perched on the stool Teldy had recently vacated. "That sounds like Jennifer."

"You look better."

"Thanks, love," he said dryly.

"I mean it, Carson." She shook her head. "You needed to rest."

"Aye, that I did." He glanced around. "So, do ya think Dr. Keller would mind if I kissed ye?"

Alison flushed a delightful shade of red. "_She_ might, but _I _don't."

Laughing at her statement, Carson leaned over the bed and gently kissed her. He wanted to take their relationship to the "official" level, including allowing others to see them in more than just a life-or-death situation, but he wanted to know that Alison was comfortable with it, too. Pulling back from the kiss, Carson almost said something about his feelings for her, but he managed to hold them back and simply smile at her.

Jennifer cleared her throat from the edge of the curtain. "Carson, I don't mind you two making eyes at each other and a hello-goodbye kiss, but make sure the curtain's pulled next time."

Alison flushed again, but Carson grinned unrepentantly. Normally, he would have been a slight bit embarrassed, but the infirmary was deserted save for themselves and the medical staff. And most of those had disappeared for the dinner meal. He turned to Jennifer. "Aye, and would that be like you close your office door when Major Lorne comes to see you?"

Jennifer's face turned bright red, but it was nowhere near as endearing as when Alison blushed. "Touche."

Carson simply took Alison's hand, refusing to let her pull away with Jennifer around. After all, the CMO already knew of their relationship. He met Jennifer's eyes and instantly read the soberness in them. "What happened?"

"We received a call from another world." Jennifer glanced at Alison and included her in her report. "They think they've got an outbreak of the Hoffan plague."

Carson's heart sank. _Not again_, he thought. Outwardly, he simply nodded. "Give me thirty minutes, and I'll be ready to go."

"No." Jennifer's voice had steel in it. She met his eyes. "You've done enough, Carson. Give yourself a few days to recover."

Carson started to answer, but a tug on his hand pulled his gaze to Alison's. She glanced between him and Jennifer, finally finding her voice. "She's right, Carson. You're better, but you need to rest, too. If this _is_ the Hoffan plague, you can go after Dr. Keller makes a firm diagnosis."

He let out a deep breath. "Aye, I suppose you're right." He turned to Jennifer. "Just call me if you need anything."

"I will." Jennifer left them alone again. Carson stared at his and Alison's hands, trying to figure out exactly what had just happened. He'd been all set to argue with Jennifer when a simple request from Alison changed his mind. He knew it indicated something, but he wasn't sure he wanted to argue or talk about it right now.

"I'm sorry." Alison's voice pulled him from his thoughts. She smiled when he looked at her. "I know you want to go, and I know helping the Hoffan plague survivors something of a mission for you. But you. . . .I. . . ." She blinked. "I'd like you here for a while."

How did she know the right thing to say to make it all better? Carson's irritation melted into a smile, and he covered the hand he already held with his other one. "I'll be fine, love."

"Good."

"Now, what are your plans for the evenin'?" Carson shoved away the residual irritation that tried to creep in and settled into his role for now. Yes, he had a mission to help those suffering from the Hoffan plague, especially given that he'd had a hand in creating it. But he'd made a choice when he brought Alison back to Atlantis. He hadn't simply sent her back here to recover while he continued to work. He'd chosen to come back, to place her life as a priority over all the other victims on that planet. And that decision might as well apply to the rest of this galaxy.

Alison grinned. "Well, you know, I was thinking about a movie and then dinner, but I have to say dinner sounds more appealing."

"Let me see what I can do, love." He held up a hand just before slipping out of the cubicle. "On both accounts."

They spent the evening chatting while they used a laptop to watch one of Alison's favorite movies. Carson could have cared less about the sweet love story, but he thoroughly enjoyed talking with her about any and everything as the movie was slowly forgotten. By the time the end credits rolled, Alison was drifting, and he'd started to worry about Jennifer. He turned off the movie, closed the laptop, and kissed Alison once more before she drifted on to sleep.

oOo

Jennifer returned to Atlantis tired but relieved. She hadn't found the Hoffan plague, but she had found influenza. Well, something close to influenza. Colonel Sheppard's team had accompanied her, and they'd hovered closely, much to her consternation. Ever since her relationship with Evan became public knowledge, everyone—including Sheppard—worried about something happening to her. Especially Sheppard. She wondered vaguely if he'd learned something during the time he'd been forty-eight thousand years in the future and was trying to prevent it.

Putting the thought from her mind, she walked into the infirmary where Carson was filling in for the night-shift supervisor. She didn't mind him working there, seeing as he'd slept most of the day away and was still somewhat accustomed to the time-zone of the other planet. But she wondered about her personnel. "Carson?" she asked as he came over to do her post-mission physical.

"Jennifer." Carson performed the check-up with ease. "Dr. Cole came in with a migraine, so I sent her back to bed."

Jennifer nodded at that. Amanda didn't get migraines very often, so they typically knocked her on her tail when they hit. "Good." She waited while he indicated she could go and then touched his arm. "Are you going to be okay here?"

"Aye." He smiled. "Alison's out of the woods, and I'm still accustomed to this being the wee morning hours. I'll be fine while you get some rest."

She nodded. "How is she?"

Carson glanced toward the rear of the infirmary, where Alison's curtained-off bed could barely be seen. "She's sleepin' now. But she was awake and hungry until about an hour ago. I made sure she ate a good meal, and we watched a movie."

"Good." Jennifer nodded. "I want her resting as much as possible. If she continues to improve, maybe she can get out of here in three or four days."

"I know she'll appreciate that." He gave her a sheepish grin. "As will I."

Sheppard and his team stopped by long enough to say hello to Carson and get the report on Alison. Jennifer grinned as she realized the other woman had been adopted. By being the one woman to get Carson out of the field like she had, Alison Porter had just become a younger sister to Sheppard's team. Based on what she saw and overheard today with Teldy and Mehra, Jennifer knew Alison would have a heyday with that.

Finally, when the infirmary was quiet again, Carson stopped Jennifer from leaving with a hand on her shoulder. "How did it go out there?"

Jennifer smiled. "Not the Hoffan plague. It's a virus similar to influenza, something we can treat relatively easily."

"Good." Carson's face relaxed just a bit, and Jennifer realized she should have told him this right away. "Now, go get some rest."

"I think I will." She waved. "Goodnight, Carson."

"Goodnight, lass."

Jennifer left the infirmary in Carson's capable hands, knowing that he'd run a tight ship until morning. She was nearly asleep when she realized that he'd called her "lass" instead of his typical "love." It told her everything she needed to know about his relationship with Alison, and she fell asleep happy that he'd found someone who seemed perfectly suited for him.

~TBC


	11. Dating Doctors

**Author's Note:** Serious fluff alert here. :) Enjoy! ~lg

oOo

The next week passed both slowly and quickly. Alison and Carson both haunted the infirmary, though for very different reasons. Alison had yet to be released from her "hospitalization," though she refused to return to Earth to convalesce no matter how many times Jennifer suggested it. And Carson divided his time between working in the lab he'd commandeered from Jennifer and sitting with Alison. Jennifer, however, ran from infirmary to another planet and back as the influenza outbreak worsened. It never became as bad as Carson and Alison had endured, but it was rather hectic for a while.

Alison continued to improve, and Jennifer stopped suggesting she return to Earth after three days. The doctor smiled every time she saw Carson draw the curtains around Alison's bed, and she tried to return the favor by making sure her office door was closed whenever Evan came around. Secretly, though, she was pleased with Alison's recovery. Her lungs still had quite a bit of scarring, and Alison needed semi-regular breathing treatments for at least another week to kick the last of the congestion from her lungs. The severe sepsis brought on by the neutropenia responded quickly to the powerful antibiotics Jennifer gave her. So, ten days after she'd been brought to Atlantis nearly dead, Alison was ready to be released.

Jennifer headed for the curtained-off area of the infirmary, already wondering how to make some noise and let the couple inside know she was there. Carson kept any shenanigans, as Evan liked to call them, to a minimum, but he liked his "hello" and "goodbye" kisses. The infirmary staff buzzed about the couple, and Jennifer agreed that they needed to stop beating around the bush. But, at the same time, she also agreed with Carson's decision to keep things relatively calm.

"No, I'm tellin' ya, the gene is _mutated_! You're not takin' that into account!" Carson's impassioned voice, while not raised, stopped Jennifer in her tracks.

"I _am_ taking that into account, Carson," Alison said quietly but forcefully. "The genetic mutation has spread through their bodies by this point. If you attack the _origin_ of the mutation—which we can't know—then, yes, we could stop it. But, we can't. What we have to do is. . . ." Jennifer stopped listening as the other woman spouted something that only a genius of Carson Beckett's or Rodney McKay's level could understand. While she understood the solution, she didn't really pay attention.

Yanking the curtain back, she glared. "I thought I said 'No work.'"

Carson sat back from the bed, his hand still laced with Alison's and a laptop propped precariously on her legs. "Aye, lass. That ye did." He gave her a sheepish expression.

Jennifer folded her arms. "Then, why was I hearing you working?"

Alison glanced at him, receiving a nod in return. "We were discussing this," she said, turning the laptop so that Jennifer could see the screen. The menu for the X-Men movie played across it. "From what Carson says, the next movie will feature a 'cure' for the mutants."

Jennifer's irritation melted away. She'd seen this same phenomenon when McKay and Zelenka watched science fiction movies. The two physicists couldn't keep from tearing the science of the fiction apart and putting it back together again. Apparently the trait extended to medical doctors, as well. "I'm sorry. I overheard only a part of the discussion, and I jumped to conclusions."

"No harm done, lass." Carson stood, closing the laptop and giving Alison a light kiss. "I'll let you two be."

"Don't go far, Carson," Jennifer said as he passed her. "You can walk her home after I finish discharging her."

His eyes lit up as he grinned and left them alone.

Jennifer turned to Alison and whispered, "X-Men genetics?"

Alison grinned unrepentantly. "He started it!"

oOo

Alison slipped out of the curtained cubicle that had been her home for a week, feeling better than she had in a long time. She could still feel the slight tightness across her chest, and she knew any kind of brisk walk would likely wind her. But she was free. She liked Jennifer well enough, but she couldn't wait to get out of here.

Carson stood next to Sheppard, who had brought in a Marine in need of stitches. In her week in the infirmary, Alison had seen numerous new recruits to Atlantis come in for stitches, ice packs, Tylenol, and any number of Ronon-related issues. When he saw her, Carson clapped the colonel on the shoulder and headed your way. "You ready to go?"

"More than." Alison walked with him, somewhat grateful he didn't try to hold her hand in front of Colonel Sheppard. While the colonel likely knew they were an item by now, she wasn't sure if flaunting their relationship was the best thing to do. As it was, Carson rested a hand ever so briefly on the small of her back as they went through the door, and he did take her hand when they were out in the corridor.

The short walk to her quarters left her slightly winded, and she tugged Carson to a slower pace about halfway there. They didn't say a whole lot, but Alison smiled as she took in the sights and sounds of the city. At noon, Atlantis hummed with activity. She wanted to be around other people, but she also needed to take it in small steps.

At her door, Carson faced her. "Would ya like to join me for dinner, love?"

She briefly wondered if she could refuse him when he asked in such a sweet tone. "I'd love to, Carson."

"Good." He waited while she swiped her hand over the crystals on her door. She'd been given quarters here, as he had been, for those times when she returned to the city. However, they were stark and impersonal, almost like a hotel room.

"Thanks for walking me home." She stood awkwardly, torn between kissing him and just waving goodbye.

He smiled at her. "You're welcome." He leaned forward and kissed her cheek, smiling directly into her eyes and overwhelming her. "Until tonight."

Alison stood staring at the door after he left, surprised that he could stir such a deep spot in her heart even after they'd lived in such close proximity for a month. Maybe a relationship wasn't about the intense emotions all the time. Maybe it was about the day-to-day interactions that built something deeper than she'd ever felt.

Turning to face her quarters, she sighed. She was free from the infirmary. She could shower—which she would in a moment—or stare out the window—which she did right away—or sleep—which she planned to do after a shower. She wanted to be on her best for her date with Carson. However, staring out that window over the eastern pier of the city, she smiled. She might have returned to Atlantis because of Carson's request, but she truly loved this sight.

Later that evening, she'd just finished smoothing on a light coat of lip gloss when the door chime sounded. Alison rushed to put the gloss away and slip into the sandals she'd chosen for the evening. Her wardrobe consisted of two sundresses, a business suit, and enough uniforms for two weeks. She'd chosen one of the sundresses, worn under yet another light sweater. Her favorite—the one she'd worn when they visited the waterfall—had likely been burned thanks to her bout with the Hoffan plague and Omari's thorough cleaning of the house after her return to Atlantis. This dress, however, flattered her figure just as well. Violet-blue, with green ivy climbing halfway up the flowing skirt, it brought out Alison's blue eyes well without seeming to match them.

Carson stood outside, waiting patiently. He wore navy slacks, a navy t-shirt, and a pale blue button-down shirt open far enough to show off the t-shirt. His blue eyes sparkled, and he smiled. "Oh, don't you look lovely!"

"Thank you." Alison felt the flush creep up her neck at his compliment. He took her hand immediately and slowly led her away from the hub of the city. She wondered if she was doing too much right away, but she couldn't say no to this man when he turned those amazing blue eyes on her. When they reached their destination, she was glad she hadn't.

A table set for two, complete with linen tablecloth, plates, silverware, candles, and a flower from the mainland graced the balcony. A small CD player in the corner softly played piano music, and Alison saw the meal packed into an insulated carrier.

Carson held her chair for her and poured her wine, serving her as graciously as if she'd been at a five-star restaurant. When he finally sat down with his own meal, he smiled. "Our first 'date' wasn't really a date, was it?"

She smiled again, suddenly feeling shy in spite of how well they knew one another. "No, but it was wonderful nonetheless."

They ate while discussing the city and the view they had, neither one really wanting to bring up the discussion they _needed_ to have. Alison feared that talking about their relationship would change it, ruin it somehow. It had happened last time. She couldn't know why Carson didn't talk about it. Either way, she finally brought up a topic that had crossed her mind a few times in recent days, especially with Jennifer urging her to go back to Earth. "Carson, do you ever think about home?"

"Oh, aye." He smiled sadly. "I went back after coming out of that stasis pod."

"Was it. . .?"

"Awful?" He shrugged. "No. And yes." He set down his fork, his meal finished but dessert not yet served. "It was exactly how I remembered it, but I couldn't go anywhere. I couldn't be seen."

"I'm sorry I brought it up." Alison swallowed, her tears close to the surface as she thought about what it must have felt like to be him, walking through his home town and not able to speak to the people he still knew and loved.

"It's okay, love." He touched her hand. "What about you? Do you think of home?"

"Some." She smiled. "I saw my mom recently, and I even considered going back after Dr. Keller released me. But. . . ." She looked around at the alien beauty around them. "This is home, too."

"Aye." He let out a deep breath. "I guess I set my mind on this bein' home from now on after that visit. It's hard not bein' able to see the places you grew up."

"I imagine so." And that's all she could do. She wasn't in the unique position of having been cloned only to learn the original version of herself had died heroically and was buried in his family's plot in his home town.

Just when she would have apologized, he turned to her. "So, are there any places you've been you'd like to live? After goin' back to Earth, I mean?"

Alison realized he'd just turned the conversation away from the sad subject she'd unwittingly brought up. "A few." She seriously thought about his question. "California is beautiful, but it's so. . . . 'Busy,' I guess is the right word. I don't know that I want to live there again. I like Colorado and New Mexico, though. Especially the mountains. Before now, I used to go hiking in the mountains whenever I'd get a free day."

"You, hiking?" He seemed genuinely surprised. "I'll have to remember that after you're able to go again."

She flushed. "Yeah. My dad was an outdoorsy person, though my mom wanted me to be a little lady. I think I got the best of both with what I do now."

"Aye, I agree." His eyes sparkled, and the music changed. He stood and held out a hand. "Would you like to dance, love?"

Alison couldn't say no. She let Carson pull her to her feet and into his arms, hers going around his neck as they swayed to the music. It was sweet and special and everything she would have wanted in a first date. It would never replace the idyllic waterfall of their first kiss, but this ran a very close second. Though, she suspected that any secluded area with Carson Beckett would be idyllic.

He kissed her as they danced. Lightly, at first, but it deepened into something way beyond what they'd shared at the waterfall. Alison's arms tightened around his neck, and he pulled her closer than she'd ever been to him. She didn't want to stop, didn't want _him_ to stop.

But her lungs had other ideas. She finally broke the kiss—against her own wishes—breathing heavily from both the intensity and tightened lungs. Carson looked somewhat chagrined and confused, and she tried taking deep breaths while speaking. "Sorry. . . .lungs can't. . .take much more!"

He blinked and realized what he'd done. "Oh, love, I'm so sorry!"

"Don't be." She grinned and let her eyes sparkle. "I wouldn't have it any other way."

Carson kissed her again, very lightly and very chastely. "Until you're recovered, I'll try to avoid stealin' your breath, then."

"Carson, you do that without even trying, so don't think you'll stop just 'cause I'm sick." Her bold statement surprised her, but he laughed and pulled her in for a hug. Alison laid her head on his shoulder and simply allowed him to hold her for a while longer.

"Are we goin' to talk about this, love?" His voice rumbled under her ear. "Because I rather like what we have."

"Me, too." She lifted her head to smile at him. "I'm really glad you asked me to come back to Pegasus."

"Aye, as am I." He grinned and led her back to the table for dessert.

Another hour later, Carson walked her back to her quarters. Alison could have stayed on that balcony for the rest of the night, but he insisted that she needed to rest. A small box, wrapped in nondescript brown paper, lay next to her door. Alison would have raised an alarm, but she recognized Dusty's nearly-illegible penmanship on the note. She picked up the box, rolling her eyes and wondering just want her Marine friend could have left her.

Carson peered over her shoulder. "Sergeant Mehra?" he asked when he saw the penmanship.

"Yeah." She waved the note around, which simply said, _Just in case._ Alison quickly opened the box and felt her face turn three different shades of purple when she pulled out a pair of socks. "I am going to _kill_ her."

Carson's smile landed somewhere between amused and fixed. "Aye, I'd be inclined to help." Then, he snickered. "She's a character, that one," he said, echoing his previous statement back when they'd first met.

"Just wait." Alison grinned at him. "I'll get her back. I have it on _very_ good authority that she is seeing Chuck."

"Just be careful, love." He faced her. "I've got to go off world tomorrow, and I don't get yourself in trouble while I'm gone."

"I won't." Alison smiled and waved a hand over the crystals on her door. "You're going off world?"

"Aye." He let out a deep breath. "Colonel Sheppard went back to check in with Omari while you were in the infirmary. She said there was talk of leavin' the village. I'd like to check in with them."

"Why didn't you go before now?"

He touched her face lightly. "I couldn't leave you, love. Not until I knew you would be okay."

Alison smiled again, unsure what to do with the incredibly special feeling his words stirred. She knew she'd found a man who would cherish her, but she hesitated. Instead of thinking about the reasons why, she met his gaze. "Thanks for tonight, Carson. I really enjoyed it."

"Oh, you're welcome." He stepped inside long enough to give her another breath-stealing kiss and was gone.

Alison prepared for bed with a happy smile on her face. Last time she'd been here, she'd been uncertain about anything, least of all the renowned doctor she'd agreed to join. Now, however, she went to bed certain that she was falling head-over-heels in love with Carson Beckett. And she refused to stop.

oOo

The next day, Carson stood at the edge of Omari's village and stared. Nothing remained. The houses had been burned almost to the ground. Only a few corner posts remained. The scorched ground smoldered in places, a testament to the fires that had spread after the village had been abandoned. At least, he hoped it had been abandoned.

More than simply stunned, he stepped forward and around rubble and a burned blanket that had obviously been dropped. Behind him, Sheppard and Teyla waited. Ronon and McKay had chosen to stay back on Atlantis, though Sheppard mentioned something about Rodney going off world later that day. The smell of smoke permeated everything, but Carson barely noticed it. After the clinic here, the numerous funeral pyres, and working in Michael's labs, his olfactory senses had been desensitized to all but the most unusual smells. And, it was sad to say that he called pleasant smells—like Alison's scent as he held her the night before—unusual in his line of work.

The shock of finding the village destroyed finally abated, and Carson rushed through the middle of it. Behind him, Sheppard called out a quick "Hey, Doc, don't go too far." He didn't listen, heading straight for the clinic. He'd left a bit of medication and food behind, as well as some almost depleted oxygen tanks. After Alison had been taken to Atlantis, a medical team had packed up the lab in their cabin, but personal items remained.

Now, the clinic was in heaps, and the cabin stood open to the elements. The roof had collapsed inward, burying Alison's corner. The cast iron stove still remained, a testament to its construction, but everything else was gone. Carson stood there, trying to absorb the impact of what had happened. Had they left? Destroyed themselves in the process?

"I should never have left," he said to himself.

"Don't blame yourself, Doc." Sheppard's voice broke through his stunned thoughts. "They probably moved to a different settlement.

Carson glanced up at him, seeing the logic in his words. "Aye, you're probably right."

Sheppard jabbed a thumb toward where they'd parked the Jumper. "Let's find out."

An hour later, they headed back to Atlantis. The planet was completely empty. Not a single life sign other than animal life. Carson sat quietly in one of the rear seats of the Jumper, watching the Stargate grow in direct proportion to their proximity to it, trying to figure out how to tell Alison. He didn't know where Omari would have gone, much less her people. Granted, there weren't many left. He'd found a few funeral pyres, as well, but not one living soul.

In the infirmary, Cole walked over to perform the post-mission physical. "Dr. Beckett."

"Amanda." Carson frowned. "Isn't Jennifer supposed to be back by now?"

She glanced at her watch while taking his pulse. "No. She's got another hour before check-in."

He nodded and finished the physical in silence. When she sent him on his way, he glanced at his own watch and realized that he'd need to see Alison before the day ended. But he wasn't ready to tell her the news just yet. On his way to crew quarters, he diverted and stepped onto a somewhat secluded balcony. It wasn't necessarily "secluded," however, as he had a direct view of the mess balcony. It just wasn't obvious given the number of balconies on Atlantis. Right now, he needed solitude.

He'd just spent two months living among Omari's people. He'd known them, watched them live or die, grieved with them. He remembered the death of the first child, how he'd held the mother while the father wept over his little girl's body. He'd shed a few tears then, though his emotions had hardened somewhat by the time Alison arrived.

He leaned his elbows on the balcony railing and looked across to the mess hall. Alison sat with Teldy and Mehra, dressed in her base uniform. She laughed at something Teldy said, drawing a snort from Mehra, and Carson smiled. She was happy. It thrilled him to know that coming back to the city was the right move for her, but he also realized that he couldn't stay here. His place was out there, fighting the plague he'd helped to create.

Carson stayed on the balcony, alternating between staring at the sky, his hands, and Alison. She left the mess hall long before he was ready to leave his balcony. He drew in the sea-scented air, ironically musing that it was another of his "unusual" scents. Pushing away from the railing, he finally headed for Alison's quarters. She answered the door right away, her smile immediate when she saw him. It faded, however, when he simply met her eyes.

"Oh, no." She took his hand and pulled him into her quarters. "What happened?"

"They're all gone." Seeing how her face crumpled, he took her shoulders. "Not dead, love. _Gone._ As in, packed up and moved." _I think_, he added silently.

"Oh." She blinked then, not sure if she should cry. "Is it wrong to be relieved?"

"No." He tugged on her arm ever so gently, and she came to him, wrapping her arms around his waist as she laid her head on his shoulder. Carson simply held her, knowing that she needed this right now. And, for the moment, he needed it. Suddenly, he knew. Even if she wasn't able to join him in the field, he'd return to Atlantis often for one simple thing: he needed Alison in his life. And he wasn't sure if he'd make it without her.

~TBC


	12. Happy Reunions

Jennifer didn't return that night. At the end of the daytime duty shift, Amanda contacted Carson and asked him to watch the infirmary. She told him that Jennifer, Ronon, and Rodney had missed their scheduled check-in, and a MALP had been destroyed by a contingent of Wraith soldiers on the planet. Lorne was up in arms that his fiancee was stuck without a way to get back to him. He wanted desperately to go and rescue her, but he also knew that Ronon and Rodney would guard her with their lives.

Carson spent the time in the infirmary waiting for news. None had come by morning, leaving him unable to rest in spite of his own physical exhaustion. He'd told Alison that he'd be pulling the night shift, so he met her for a quiet breakfast in the mess hall. They visited for a while, and then he tried to sleep. He wound up pacing.

Jennifer finally returned with a little girl, and Carson met her in the infirmary. Celise was a precocious child, but Carson saw the haunted look in her eyes. After assuring himself that Jennifer was indeed okay, he took over the girl's care while Lorne whisked Jennifer into her office for more than a few moments. Carson understood. He'd feel the same if Alison had been stuck.

Rodney and Ronon came to see Celise, both bringing gifts in their own ways. They told the story of another runner, this one named Kiryk, who had taken Celise as his own when her village was destroyed. Jennifer had freed him from the Wraith tracking device, bringing Carson's first meeting with Ronon to mind, and he had drawn the Wraith through the gate and away from the little girl he'd come to love. Celise wanted to know if she'd see Kiryk again, and even Jennifer didn't have an answer. Who knew if the man was even alive?

Once Jennifer had returned, Carson found a place to sleep. The emotions of losing Omari and her people, plus the stress of Jennifer's absence and the nearly forty-eight hours he'd put in all caught up to him, and he slept most of the night. While he'd been filling a spot in the infirmary, he wasn't really a member of the staff. Woolsey allowed him to help as he was attached to the Atlantis Expedition, but his particular mandate—straight from the SGC given his unique circumstances as a clone—was to render humanitarian assistance in the Pegasus galaxy. He'd been looking into worlds hit by the Hoffan plague, trying to decide where to go next, but he still struggled with Alison's health. Did _she_ want to leave Atlantis? Could he leave her on Atlantis while returning to the "wilds of Pegasus?"

A week after Jennifer's experience with Kiryk, Woolsey called Carson to the control room. He found Atlantis's leader and Colonel Sheppard standing side by side. "Mr. Woolsey? Colonel?"

"Carson." Sheppard eyed him. "How do you feel about getting back out there?"

Carson shrugged. "I've been working to locate another place for a clinic, but I haven't done much off world research on the matter. Why?"

Woolsey glanced at Sheppard. "We've been contacted by a woman who claims she knows you. She's asking for your assistance with a group of Hoffan plague survivors."

"Okay." Carson glanced between the two. "Did you get a name?"

"Omari." Sheppard's announcement stilled Carson. "She was on a world we visited, trading for supplies, and recognized our uniforms. She said you and Dr. Porter were a tremendous help to her people. You know her?"

"Aye." Carson nodded. "She put me up for weeks and fed me until Ali—Dr. Porter showed up."

Woolsey straightened. "I'd like you to check this out, Doctor. We've got the gate address for the world where she's waiting."

"Alright," Carson said. He glanced at Sheppard. "Give me an hour?"

At Sheppard's nod, Carson lit out of the control room. His mind whirled as he thought about what he'd say to Alison. Omari was alive, well, and apparently helping others. It thrilled him, and he knew he'd have to fight Alison to get her to stay on Atlantis. Her health wasn't good enough to be traipsing around Pegasus just yet.

At her quarters, he rang the chime and waited. She answered the door with a tablet in hand, clearly reading yet another novel. "Carson." She smiled and stepped back immediately. "Come in."

"Hello, love." He leaned in for a quick kiss that turned into something much more intense. Rather than letting himself get caught up in the draw he felt toward Alison, he pulled back. "I have news."

"Okay." She slipped out of his arms to set the tablet on her desk. "What happened?"

"Omari's alive."

She stilled at his blunt announcement. "You're sure?"

"She contacted Colonel Sheppard and his team on their mission today." Carson shrugged. "She's asked for our help."

"With her people?"

"No." He shook his head. "A different group." He took a step forward and pulled Alison back into his arms. "Mr. Woolsey's asked me to check it out, and I leave in an hour."

"An hour?" Alison looked around her room. "That's not enough time to pack."

Carson met her eyes. "I'd like you to stay here, love. Just for another week or two. Besides, I know Jennifer hasn't cleared you for off world duty just yet." He watched the realization hit her and tightened his hold on her. "I wish you were comin' with me as much as you do."

She sighed. "Carson, I know you're right, but this is _Omari_."

"Aye." He let her cuddle into his shoulder, knowing that she would eventually understand. He had a responsibility to the people of this galaxy. Yet, he also had a responsibility to the woman he'd come to love. Carson was suddenly torn between the two.

Finally, Alison lifted her head. "Okay." She blinked, and he saw the tears in her eyes. "Just. . . ."

"I'll come back." He kissed her again, trying to put everything he felt for her into that one moment. It was difficult when he didn't even know how to articulate the depths of his emotions.

Alison pulled away before he was ready, somewhat breathless but with a smile on her face. "I love you, Carson."

"And I love you." He kissed her one more time and headed for his own quarters to pack.

oOo

Carson's departure marked another change in Alison. She tried her best to press on with life, accessing the research he'd been doing while on Atlantis. But it was difficult not having him there. They'd worked side by side for so long that not hearing his voice on a daily basis left her somewhat depressed. She relieved that by reading his research notes, imagining him across the room from her, and hoping for a quick recovery. She needed to join him, needed to be out there. His mission had very much become her own, as well.

A week after his departure, Major Lorne found Alison eating lunch and looking over research notes of her own. Jennifer had released her back to light duty, and she'd made use of the time she had in the lab. Now, she glanced up. "Major."

"Hey, Doc." He offered her a folded piece of paper, his eyes sparkling. "Just got back from our mission. Dr. Beckett asked me to deliver this."

Alison accepted the page, overcome with the desire to run out of the mess hall right away. "Thank you, Major."

"Welcome." He offered her another smile and left her alone. Alison gathered up the remains of her meal and headed for her quarters. There was no way she'd read a letter from Carson in public. While she knew he wouldn't have written anything inappropriate, she knew she'd have a hard time keeping her own emotions in check. Once in her quarters, she broke the seal and began to read.

_Ali-love,_

_I don't have to tell you how much I miss you. Being here without you is so very different. It reminds me of my time before you joined me, and I never realized the difference you made until now._

_Omari is well. I know that is the first question on your mind. She's happy here, living with the Balarans as one of them. She and her people abandoned their village because of the plague, each person going their separate way. No one knows who was making the others ill, but I can now confirm that Omari was not the carrier. Not that I ever feared she was. She's adopted two young Balaran boys, orphans of the plague, and it seems to have helped her. To be honest, I worried a bit about leaving her behind, but your health was more important at the time._

_We are doing well. The clinic is wonderful, as are the accommodations. Running water, indoor plumbing of a sort, and a three-room home. It's more than I could have asked for, and I can't wait for you to see it._

_Yes, I still want you to join me. It's more than just your expertise this time, though I value the opinions and knowledge you bring to my work in the field. Truth is, love, I can't do this alone. I know how that sounds to you, and I know you'll push every limit you can. Don't. We will be together, working, again, but I need you to get well first._

_Well, I should wrap up this letter. I've got Novo—a young Balaran woman—waiting for me to finish up. She's made a wonderful nurse, along with Omari. Major Lorne is also here, waiting to bring this back to you. I miss you, Ali, more than I can say._

_All my love, Carson_

Alison sat back after reading the letter. The grammar was correct, as was the spelling of the words. But she couldn't help hearing his Scottish accent in her mind, dropping the "g" from the "-ing" ending, saying "ta" instead of "to," "ye" instead of "you." Not to mention the lilt.

His letter sounded lonely. Alison understood what he wanted. He wanted her with him, but as healthy as she'd been before the plague. Unfortunately, she didn't know if she'd be able to promise him that. But his letter went a long way to reassuring her that he didn't love her only because of their time on Omari's world. He loved her for who she was.

Making a decision, Alison pushed from the couch and headed for the infirmary. She would abide by Carson's wishes and listen to Dr. Keller. But, if she could get released to rejoin him sooner, then she'd be happy, as well.

oOo

A week later, Carson visited Atlantis. He stayed only for one night, coordinating with Dr. Keller for some more medical supplies and then joining Alison for dinner. She listened closely as he spoke of the Balarans, and she sent a letter with him to Omari. The woman had started learning to read English—something Carson had taught all his nurses—and she'd sent a short letter of her own to Alison. The simple thought behind the words was heartwarming. Sending Carson back through the gate was harder than the first time, because she knew she wouldn't see him again for another two or three weeks. Dr. Keller hadn't released her from light duty, yet, so she resolved herself to send a letter with Major Lorne every week. Before heading to the gate room that morning, Carson held her close and promised that he would always think of her.

Two weeks later, he sent word that he couldn't break away. Which was fine with Alison. She'd finally been released for off world activity, her lungs having healed enough to handle life in the "wilds of Pegasus," as Carson said Rodney called it. He also spoke highly of the people, how kind they'd been, the food they'd provided, and their welcoming smiles. She already loved the villagers just from his descriptions. With her release to rejoin him, she went to Major Lorne to arrange an escort. He couldn't break away the next day, but he assigned Major Teldy and Sergeant Mehra to escort her back.

Early the next morning, Alison joined Teldy and Mehra in the gateroom. Both women had changed since Vega's death. Teldy had hardened as a commander, but she still had a smile for Alison. Of course, that could have been amusement at the anticipation Alison knew reflected on her face. Mehra, however, had softened. Of course, that could have been Chuck's influence. Either way, Alison appreciated their time and energy. Both of them picked up two yellow cases filled with antibiotics, leaving Alison to sling her duffel bag over her shoulder and carry a third yellow case. Chuck dialed the gate, waving a slight hand to Alison and gracing Mehra with a wink. Alison stepped through the wormhole already smirking and just waiting for Dusty to say a word. She now had blackmail material.

The village Carson had chosen to live in was relatively close to the gate. Alison smiled at each person who greeted them, pleased with the level of technology here. It reminded her somewhat of Omari's village, though much more advanced. These people actively used the gate, and they mined iron ore from the nearby hills. She didn't spot a single outhouse, and she smiled when she thought about Carson's first letter. _Running water, indoor plumbing of a sort, and a three-room home. It's more than I could have asked for, and I can't wait for you to see it._ That letter had cemented Alison's plans to rejoin him. His brief visit to Atlantis, while wonderful, just couldn't compare to having him close all the time. He didn't know she was arriving today, and she looked forward to surprising him.

Teldy stopped and asked for directions, getting them from a smaller, kindly man who's face lit up at the mention of Dr. Beckett. He waved them on their way as they approached the clinic with an attached house. From Carson's description, this clinic had a main room and a store room in addition to the three-room house. It had belonged to the previous village doctor, a man who died of old age about a year before. They'd all been grateful for Carson's appearance and willingness to stay. Through the open windows of the clinic, Alison heard Carson's soft voice and thick accent, smiling at the normality of it all. When she'd first met him, she'd found the accent intriguing, especially given his unique history. After their time with Omari's people, she'd learned that the Scottish lilt to his voice actually made everything he said sound exotic. Especially when he called her "love" or "Ali-love." That second nickname—one that only he could accurately pronounce so that she melted inside—was her favorite.

Pushing that from her mind, Alison waited while Teldy shoved the door open. Mehra pushed in front of Alison, and she let the Marine have her way. It wasn't worth fighting about, anyway. She'd see him soon enough. And, later, maybe get that kiss she'd been anticipating all day.

Carson sat on a stool next to a bed, carefully bandaging an arm with bright white cloth. He glanced up, his eyes barely registering the newcomers before he turned back to his work. "Oh, Major Teldy, welcome. I'll be with you in a moment."

Teldy gave Alison a sneaky grin. "No problem, Doc. Take your time."

Carson offered her a smile, but his gaze stopped on Alison. He turned. "Novo?" When a pretty, dark-haired woman rushed from the back room, he handed the bandages in his lap to her. "Would you finish bandaging Alair's arm, please?"

Amused at his sudden change of mind, Alison set down the bright yellow crate she carried and quickly shed the heavy duffel bag. And just in time. Carson headed for her, and she stepped right into his arms. He hugged her tightly, and she breathed in the unique scent that was him. "I missed you," she said into the crook of his neck.

"Aye, I missed you, too." He stepped back a bit, and Alison thought he'd turn to greet the others. She was completely unprepared for him to gently take her face in his hands and give her a sweet, lingering kiss.

oOo

Watching Alison's reunion with Carson, Teldy smiled. The two doctors had been suited for one another from the beginning, and Mehra had told her of their obvious flirting before the death of Alicia Vega. It was heartwarming to see the two so happy.

As Carson gave Alison a long kiss, Teldy felt more than saw Mehra shift next to her. Without looking away from the heart-warming scene—something that had drawn the attention of every person in the room—she cleared her throat. "Not a word, Sergeant," she said softly.

Mehra let out an exasperated sigh. "Yes, Ma'am."

Teldy grinned at the tone and went back to taking notes from the way Carson treated Alison. If she ever decided to settle down with someone, she wanted a man who cherished her just the way he cherished Alison.

oOo

Carson pulled back from the kiss, knowing Alison would be embarrassed but totally unrepentant about his greeting. He'd missed her terribly, and having her here, now, made his entire world seem like a better place.

She was indeed blushing, but her eyes sparkled up at him. "It's good to see you."

"Aye." He chuckled and tucked her under his arm as he turned to her companions. "Major, Sergeant, welcome."

Teldy smirked at her. "I believe you said that before, Doc, but that was some welcome."

Alison blushed to the roots of her hair, and Carson finally let her go so that she could gather the supplies she'd dropped in the middle of the room. Around them, the people he'd come here to help smiled and watched her carefully. He'd spoken of her quite often—though he'd never told her that—and most of them were curious. Especially Novo. That young woman had been quite taken with him, but she learned very quickly that his heart belonged to Alison. Now, she'd set her eyes on one of her Balaran companions while gleaning every bit of knowledge she could about Alison.

Seeing Novo step forward, Carson introduced the three women. He turned back to Teldy. "How long can you stay? The canteen has an amazing stew."

"We'd love to, Doc, but Major Lorne needs us back on Atlantis." Teldy set two crates out of the way. "Colonel Sheppard's off world, and the major also has a mission set for later this afternoon. We just thought we'd make our special delivery and be on our way."

Carson looked at Alison again, who had moved to Novo's side and was chatting softly with the younger woman. "Aye, and it was a surprise." He smiled at her. "Thank you, Major."

Teldy nodded and headed for the door. Carson would have turned, but Mehra stepped up to him. "Just take care of her, Doc. Okay?"

Carson sensed the seriousness under the surface of the Marine's words, and he knew that Mehra worried for Alison. "Always, Sergeant. You have my word."

Satisfied, Mehra followed her commanding officer from the clinic.

Carson looked around. "Novo, I see you've met Alison."

"Yes." Novo nodded, her eyes sparkling. She grinned at Alison. "Dr. Beckett has told us all about you."

"Oh." Alison chuckled. "Well, he's told me a lot about you, as well."

Somewhat embarrassed, Carson shifted on his feet. "Yes, well. . . ."

At that moment, Omari walked through the front door of the clinic. She stopped in her tracks, her arms filled with baskets of food for the patients there. Seeing Alison, she shoved the baskets into Carson's hands and grabbed Alison, pulling her into a warm hug. Alison returned the hug, her smile stretching off her face as Omari cried happy tears.

"I am so happy you are well!" Omari stepped back. "I worried for you so often."

Alison nodded. "And I for you."

"Yes, I know." Omari grinned. "Carson sent me your letters. He also said that you had come to some sort of understanding?"

Alison flushed yet again. "Yes, we did, though it's still. . .uh. . . ." She gave Carson a questioning glance.

Carson stepped forward. "Why don't we see about getting these antibiotics cataloged and into the storeroom?"

Omari whirled. "Stuff and nonsense!" she said, parroting a phrase Carson had used one time. She'd started using it all the time, much to Carson's amusement, and now planted her hands on her hips. "Novo and I are perfectly capable of organizing these medications. You haven't been the same since you came back. Now, take your young woman to her new home, show her around the village, and don't come back until you're ready!"

Behind her, Alison covered a grin with her hand. Carson tried his hardest to glare at Omari, attempting to send the message that _he_ was the doctor and responsible. But he failed miserably. Omari had a fire in her eyes since adopting those two Balaran boys that she'd lost when her son died. Carson didn't have the heart to tell her "no." Instead, he grinned at Alison. "Shall we, then, love?"

"Yes." Alison picked up her duffel bag, stopping long enough to hug Omari one more time. Once outside, however, she turned to Carson and laughed. "She's getting bossy, isn't she?"

"Aye." Carson smiled. "But, for once, I'm happy to listen to her."

"Good." Alison let out a deep breath as he laced their hands together and led her to the three-room house they would share. Life here wouldn't be easy, but she resolved that they'd stay happy.

She spent the rest of the night settling in and enjoying Carson's presence nearby.

~TBC


	13. Leaving Again

Carson took Alison to their small home first. As soon as the door closed behind her, he dropped her duffel bag—something he'd insisted on carrying—and pulled her into his arms for a searing, breath-stealing kiss. It was what she'd been waiting for, and she gladly allowed him to hold her close. They stayed that way for a long time, coming up for air only when her lungs demanded attention.

"It is _so_ good to have you here, love," Carson said, his voice somewhat ragged as well.

Alison smiled. "I could say I'm glad to be here, but it doesn't say enough."

"Aye," he agreed. Stepping away from her, he picked up her duffel bag and carried it to one of the doors leading off of the large room.

Alison took a few moments to look around. The main room of the home was long and narrow, though not too narrow. It ran the full length of the front of the home, featuring a sitting area around a fire place, another wood-burning stove, a dining table, and lacy curtains in the window. She saw touches of Carson in the medical journals on the end tables, his spare medical kit next to the door, and the few dishes in the sink he'd put off washing so he could get to the hospital. Two bedrooms led out of the main area, and they both led to a shared bathroom. While the bathroom reminded Alison of the outhouses on Omari's world, they were indoors and had a few more amenities. Like water piped in from the well so they could wash their hands and take cold baths. If they wanted warm water, they'd have to heat it themselves.

The bedroom Carson gave to her was larger than his, and she suspected it was by design. It had a large window that looked out to the back of the house. Instead of an open field, the back yard showed an untended garden with a rough wooden fence. Alison didn't know enough about plants to name all of them, but she recognized a few kitchen herbs. Her mother's penchant for growing things had taught her that much. She made a mental note to speak with Novo and Omari and find out what those herbs were.

Rather than a mat on the floor, this house had a full-sized bed. The mattress rustled when Carson set her duffel bag on it, but it had clean sheets and pillows. No need for the curtains in the last home. "Carson, this is wonderful!"

"Aye." He smiled, bringing out the dimple in his left cheek. "I'll let ya settle in, and then we can get some dinner." He kissed her once more before leaving her on her own.

Alison took a few moments to unpack her duffel bag. Here, she had a small dresser, and all of the clothing she'd brought fit into the drawers with room to spare. While she'd been on Atlantis, she'd ordered new uniforms that matched Carson's. They may have been two different people, but they were from Atlantis. She'd also brought the violet and ivy dress she'd worn on their first official date, as well as another halter-topped dress in a teal color. Both of them had matching sweaters, and she looked forward to having a reason to wear them. For now, however, she glanced in the murky mirror and straightened the jacket on her gray-blue uniform. It was cut well enough, and Carson didn't seem to mind that she'd worn something so mundane.

She found him in the main room of the house, finishing up the few dishes in the sink. He looked right at home, almost as if this was his daily routine, and the normality of it warmed her heart. He made it so easy to enjoy the domestic side of their relationship. Alison waited while he dried his hands and hung the towel on a hook next to the sink. "This is really nice."

"Aye." He looked around. "The villagers have been good to me here."

She shook her head. "I was expecting. . . ."

"I know." He sobered, though his eyes still sparkled. "It's different here, love. The plague isn't here, and the survivors are merely fighting with various infections and such. There's no danger to you."

Alison understood what he wasn't saying. She had no danger of becoming re-infected. She held up a hand. "That's not what I meant."

He nodded and held out a hand. She took it and let him lead her through town. The sun had started to set, bathing everything in a warm orange glow. Alison felt the curious gazes, especially since Carson didn't release her hand for even a second. The center of town still bustled as men and women rushed to their homes at the end of the day. The smithy still rang with the clang of the hammer on the anvil, and Alison felt like she'd just been taken back to the old west.

At the canteen, Carson pushed the door open and ushered her inside. Alison looked around, feeling slightly out of place with everyone's attention on her. Carson gave everyone a quick smile and escorted her to a table out of the way. Once she'd settled into the chair, everyone seemed content to go back to their own business while still casting a curious eye their direction.

Carson turned to Alison. "I'm sorry about that, love," he said softly. "They're used to visitors from Atlantis, but not newcomers to the village. The Balarans still get stared at quite often."

She smiled and nodded. "It's okay. I can handle it."

The barkeep came over then, serving them bowls of stew "on the house," and Alison picked up the shallow wooden spoon that had been delivered. It reminded her of her time on Omari's world, and she met Carson's eyes over the steaming bite she'd been contemplating. He grinned at her, and she shrugged. "It's good to be back in the field."

"Aye, and it's good to have ya back."

They chatted as they ate, and the patrons of the canteen came and went while they sat in their corner. Finally, Carson pushed off of his chair. "We should be goin', love. I've got to make one more quick round of the clinic and then close up for the night."

Alison also stood, grateful to be headed back to the charming house they'd been provided. While she knew she'd settle in eventually, the curiosity aimed toward her was a bit unsettling. She waved to Carson as he headed into the clinic, and then she escaped to her room. Listening to him come through the door about forty minutes later put a smile on her face, and she fell asleep on the noisy mattress smiling as she thought about how normal this life would get to be.

oOo

Carson and Alison settled back into their routine with relative ease. She rose early each day, preparing breakfast and smiling when he claimed a morning kiss. The domestic side of their relationship warmed her, as did the welcome the villagers gave her. On her second day, Omari and Novo escorted her to market and introduced her to the tradition of bartering for her goods. Omari let it slip that Alison was the doctor's "woman," and faces changed from suspicious to welcoming in a heartbeat. By the time Alison returned to their home for the night, she'd been thoroughly inundated with welcomes, smiles, and gifts from vendors.

She also spent a fair amount of time with Omari and Novo. The two plague survivors told their stories of their fight with the plague, and Alison shared hers. While Carson had been with her the entire time, she had the memories of dreading what would happen to him if she died. While neither of the other women had suffered as she had, she still appreciated the listening ear. And Novo seemed quite infatuated with the idea of finding a man "just like Dr. Beckett." Carson had apparently told these people quite a lot about her.

Within a week, Carson and Alison had settled in and had resumed their previous arrangements. She cooked, he cleaned. She rose early, giving him a few extra moments of rest in the evening. He arrived home late, and she sat silently while he decompressed from the day. Over the course of the week, Alison realized that what she'd told Carson in an emotional moment—that she loved him—was the truth. She hadn't thought when she'd made that declaration, but the knowledge that she'd see him in the morning heightened the emotions they felt. As did the intimacy of living in the same home. Carson kept things proper, but he often pulled back when Alison wished he'd just follow through on the desires she knew he also felt. Sometimes, she walked away feeling both frustrated and cherished. At other times, she breathed a sigh of relief that he hadn't pushed her.

Finally, she realized what had happened to her. She'd found a man who cared more for her needs than he did for his. Of course, this wasn't hard to believe about Carson Beckett. The man spent his life traveling from planet to planet, treating the sick and working to undo his part in this plague. But it meant more to her than she previously thought. Her history with men, while limited, had not been the greatest, and she'd shied away from romantic relationships for so long she wondered if she was even capable. Flirting was one thing, and she and Carson did that on a regular basis. But this day in, day out friendship that grew stronger with time, as well as the inevitable desires that sometimes kept her awake at night, surprised her. This was different from what she'd experienced before, and she loved it.

Carson also made sure she got time away for herself. Since they did live in the same house, they saw one another often. Alison usually arrived at the clinic before he did, and she worked through most of the day. But, two or three times a week, Carson came to her and gently urged her to take a walk or visit with Omari and Novo. She appreciated his thoughtfulness and took advantage of it. Her friendship with Omari deepened, and she and Novo became almost inseparable.

Two weeks into her time with the Balarans and their hosts, Alison made a decision. Over the course of her time with Carson, she'd pushed her past from her mind. It wasn't horrible by way of comparison, but she never liked to think about the one and only time she'd had her heart broken. Carson was a doctor, a healer, and he'd want to fix it simply because that was his nature. But he also needed to know. He needed to understand why, at times, she was grateful he didn't pressure her into something much more intimate. So, the day that he asked her to take a walk with her at sunset, she decided it was time to tell him.

The walk started out sweetly, after their early dinner meal at the canteen. By now, they were regulars and multiple people greeted them as they made their way to "their" table. Alison stopped and listened to one man talking about how his eighteen-month-old was walking now, while another thanked her for looking after his son's cut leg. Carson also received the same accolades, and the two of them handled it as carefully as possible. They both loved the town and the people, and they often spoke of, one day, finding a place just like this to settle in. The permanence of their relationship—that they didn't see a future without one another—only cemented Alison's decision in her mind.

Once outside of the village, however, Carson took her hand and just walked in silence. This world had rolling hills around the village where the miners took coal and iron ore from the ground. But the view from the top of those hills was magnificent, especially at sunset. They climbed the highest hill around and stood at the top, drinking in the beauty before them. The mine entrances faced the village, so this area was unspoiled. Open. Carson pulled Alison into his arms and held her from behind, letting the peacefulness speak for him.

Finally, Alison turned. "Carson, there's something you need to know."

He blinked, clearly surprised at the serious tone in her voice. "Ali-love, are you okay?"

At first, she frowned. Then she realized he probably thought she'd become ill again. She smiled. "I am now. But there are things in my past that you should probably know about."

He shifted on his feet so that he still held her, but there was some distance between them. "I'm listenin'."

Alison put a hand on his chest, trying to find the words. It seemed like such a small thing to most people when compared to the abuse and neglect happening on so many worlds in this galaxy. But her time with Dylan Overton was a huge thing for her. "I told you my mom had cancer."

"Aye."

"There were a few months that were scary for us." She looked over his shoulder, grateful that the villagers rarely intruded on their personal time. "The doctors weren't sure if she was responding to the treatments, and it was just the two of us. I was eighteen, just out of high school, and working a full-time job to make ends meet. So, Mom got approved for in-home health care so that I could function and know that everything was taken care of at home. The staff came at night, and he stayed until about nine or ten in the morning.

"We started. . .seeing each other." She swallowed the lump in her throat and forced herself to meet Carson's eyes. He was watching her closely, listening to her story without judging her. In fact, his blue eyes showed compassion, something that always melted her heart. "His name was Dylan, and we knew it wasn't right. He was ten years older than me, and I was so tired and lonely at times. With Dad gone, it was on my shoulders to meet the needs of the family. So, it was nice to have him come at night, put Mom down, and just. . . ." She flushed. "I thought I loved him, and we. . . .Let's just say we didn't wait very long to be together. Most nights, we wound up in my room. He'd usually stay until he thought I was asleep and then leave. But it was. . .different from what you and I have.

"He was demanding, too." She frowned. "Maybe not demanding, but that's how I saw it. When I came home from work, I wanted to simply relax. He'd want me to get him a drink, to grab his snack, to do all this stuff. And I just resented it.

"Then, Mom got better, and we no longer needed his services." She let out a deep breath. "As soon as the in-home health care place put him on a different case, he stopped calling. I didn't understand why. Like I said, I was eighteen and naïve. I later found out that he'd been fired because he'd had relations with several women, including clients."

Carson stiffened, but she didn't hold it against him. What Dylan had done went against everything a doctor was taught. Professional ethics, as well as personal ethics, dictated that the doctor and his patient not have a romantic relationship. Hence why Jennifer had insisted that Carson not treat Alison while she'd been so ill. Then, the stiffness went out of his shoulders.

Carson's hands moved to Alison's shoulders. "Love, I am so very sorry you had to go through that." He met her eyes, all sign of irritation gone. "You have no idea how sorry I am."

"I know." She put a hand on his chest, fiddling with the zipper on his jacket just for something to do. "And I know you'd never do something like that. But. . . ." She shrugged. "I thought you should know. It's not horrible compared to other people out there, but it was unethical and. . .just really. . .heartbreaking."

To his credit, Carson didn't try to tell her that he would never do something like that. She already knew he wouldn't push her into something she wasn't ready to experience. He just pulled her into his arms and held her. Alison laid her head on his shoulder and watched the last vestiges of the sunset fade into the twilight while thinking about her confession. It had frightened her to know that Carson would think less of her, but his apology for what Dylan Overton had done to her surprised her.

He eventually stepped back. "We should be goin' back."

For a moment, Alison wanted to say, "Aye." Instead, she said, "You're probably right." He started to walk toward the village while holding her hand, but she tugged him to a stop and stared at him. "Don't you start trying to change anything. I love how we have things right now, and I don't mind doing things for you. I think that's why I needed to tell you what had happened. It's different, now. I _like_ the way we have things."

He smiled at her. "So do I, love." He held up a finger when she started to speak. "And I won't be changin' anything, so don't worry. I'm glad you told me."

Alison let out a deep sigh of relief as he led her back to the home they shared. The awkwardness faded, and she retired that night knowing that Carson would understand a little better why she found joy in the domestic nature of their relationship. Besides, just hearing him say "I love you" and mean it meant more to her than she knew it would. Life with Carson, while not the "norm" for Earth, was more than she'd ever hoped to have.

oOo

Two more weeks passed, during which time Carson fell a bit more in love with Alison than he had previously. Her nervousness at telling him what Dylan Overton had done to her had faded, and she always met him with a smile at the end of the day. True to his word, he didn't change one thing about their routine. He didn't need to. Alison seemed to sense his needs after a long day at the clinic and was usually there to meet them with a quiet smile and a hand on his shoulder. He did make a decision about their relationship, though. Her past and health, as well as his unique status as a clone, kept him from acting on the growing intensity in their relationship. He'd spent more than a few nights in a cold bath, but he refused to give Alison and himself something to regret. Time revealed that what they had was lasting, and he wanted to make sure she didn't look back and wish they'd done things differently.

A month after her arrival on this world, Alison found him late one day in the clinic. He'd insisted that she take the day off after working seven. A strain of the flu had swept the village, and no one was exempt. However, the Balarans seemed even more affected than the villagers. Carson administered medications to them, using his precious antibiotics carefully so that he could make sure they lasted. The flu seemed to last only a week, however, and Alison had spent hours cataloging medications, sitting with children so parents could rest, and helping Novo. That young woman had suffered the most, and Carson worried that Alison's own brittle health could be adversely affected.

When he saw her come in to the clinic after the flu outbreak, however, he knew it had affected her health. She was pale and sweaty, and he recognized her labored breathing from the way she took deep breaths. Leaving Omari to tend to Novo, who still hadn't fully recovered, he stood. "Ali-love, what is it?"

"I can't. . .breathe very. . .well." She looked him in the eye. "It's like. . .asthma. . . only worse."

With the eyes of the entire clinic on them, Carson led her to a bed and sat down next to her. He pulled his stethoscope from around his neck and did a quick examination. Her lungs had some noise in them, enough to concern him, and she had a slight fever. He met her eyes. "I'm goin' ta get some antibiotics and a breathin' treatment. Just lie here for a few moments."

Alison nodded and lay down, a testament to how poorly she felt. Carson exchanged a worried glance with Omari as he disappeared into the storeroom. He quickly located the supplies he needed and found that Alison had pulled the thin blankets on the bed up around her shoulders. Her shoes had been tossed haphazardly at the foot of the bed—one of the few traits about her that he found utterly endearing and absolutely annoying at the same time. Nudging them out of the way, he knelt next to the bed, administered some antibiotics to fight any infection or lingering effects of the neutropenia, and started the nebulizer machine. It was the last of their albuterol, and Carson made a mental note to add it to the list he planned to send to Atlantis the next day.

While Alison rested, Carson made a few notes, created his list, and kept a close eye on her. She improved slightly, and he allowed her to head back to their house so long as she rested for the afternoon. Her fever worried him, but he refused to dwell on it too badly. If it was an infection like most of the Hoffan plague survivors got, she'd bounce back. However, her rare blood condition could make that difficult.

By the next morning, she still hadn't improved. Carson left her resting and headed to the clinic with his mind made up. She needed to return to Atlantis. He didn't have the medications to treat her, and she'd only be in worse health for it. However, the decision wasn't an easy one. He'd stayed awake the night before as he weighed all of the pros and cons. He'd already decided that his life was better with Alison around, that he wanted her with him all the time, that he would likely propose to her one day soon. But, his mission here in Pegasus was something that had kept him going those dark days in Michael's custody. Sometime just before the success of the hybrid serum, he'd reaffirmed his Hippocratic Oath. The only way to undo some of what he'd done was to live the way he'd live.

Could he give that up for Alison? He honestly wasn't sure. But he knew he needed to act now. At lunch time, he went back to the house and found that she'd moved to the couch. She wasn't sleeping, but her eyes were closed against the sunshine pouring in the window. He pulled the curtains and turned to see her beautiful eyes watching him. "Carson."

He moved to her side and knelt next to her, brushing her hair from her face. "How are you, love?"

"A little better," she said weakly. "I need to go back, don't I?"

"Aye." Happy that she'd come to the conclusion, he tried to smile. "I'd love for you to stay here, but I don't have the medications to continue treating you."

She caught his hand as it made another pass over her face. "I'm not worried." She closed her eyes for a moment and then opened them again. "Just. . .come visit regularly."

"You don't have to worry about that, love." He grinned. "You'll have problems getting rid of me."

She laughed softly. "I'm sorry. I know this is your mission, but. . . ."

He gently placed a finger over her lips. "Don't apologize. When I finish here on this world, we'll sit down and reevaluate our plans."

"_Our_ plans?"

"You're part of my life now, love." He shook his head. "I can't make the big decisions without you."

"Good to know." She drew another breath and then pushed herself to a seated position. "Let's get to the gate before I can't walk."

"Aye." Carson accepted the fact and helped her to her feet. He steadied her as she stood and then gathered her personal effects. She insisted on leaving a few things there, so that she could visit even if she couldn't live there permanently. Then, they made the agonizingly slow walk to the gate. Alison carried the list of medications Carson had requested, and she assured him that she'd get it to Jennifer right away.

At the gate, Carson dialed while Alison balanced her duffel bag carefully. As the wormhole established, he entered his IDC and waited for confirmation. Then, he pulled her into his arms. "I'll see you soon," he promised.

"I know." She accepted his kiss, not fussing that he kept it light due to her health. "I love you."

"And I love you." He let her go then and watched as she disappeared through the wormhole.

~TBC


	14. New Plans

Eyes watched Dr. Beckett walk back to his home after sending his woman through the gate. The man had been keeping tabs on the pair, looking for an opportunity. He just needed to prove that he had something worthy of his boss's attention, and he'd receive the gift he'd always wanted. _Hybrid._ The word floated through his head as he thought about the benefits of becoming a mix between Wraith and human. While some, like Beckett and most here in this village, considered it an abomination, he saw the actual advantages. Longer life. Strength. Healing abilities. Heightened senses. Michael had promised him that he'd receive the serum treatment if he brought information about Dr. Beckett to him. So, he'd returned to his home village to plot out how to find this Dr. Beckett. Imagine his reaction when the very same doctor joined the refugees from Balar.

Of course, none of the members of the village knew his true intentions. He aligned himself with Jervis most often, feeling the need to fight against the conventions of leadership in some form. But Jervis couldn't begin to understand exactly what kind of man he'd taken under his wing.

He went to his tiny home, pulled out the communication device, and activated it. He'd been told to only activate it if he knew the exact whereabouts of Dr. Carson Beckett. Michael would arrive in the next day or two, taking him and Beckett off to whatever he had planned for them. Anything would be better than this village, though, and he'd willingly go through the painful process of the transformation.

The Wraith appeared before Michael did, though. He watched as the Wraith commander gave his ultimatum, listened as Jervis tried to convince Elson to surrender the Balarans to the Wraith, took part in the forced "culling" of the Balaran refugees, and willingly followed Elson's directions into the mines. His last thought as the C4 exploded was of his failed attempt to become something better than what he'd always been.

oOo

Alison rushed into the infirmary late the third day she was on Atlantis. She'd been released from the infirmary twelve hours after her arrival when her airways finally opened and told to return the next day for another breathing treatment. It seemed she'd gotten an upper respiratory infection, something that could be dangerous given her recent brush with death.

Now, however, her eyes sought out familiar faces. She spotted Elson sitting on a bed, looking stoic in the face of all his people. Villagers and Balarans alike crowded the area, and Omari was trying to comfort a small girl. Alison headed her way.

"Omari?"

The older woman turned, her face lined in a way Alison hadn't seen since she lost her son. "Alison, you came!"

"What happened?"

She shook her head. "The Wraith came."

Alison blinked and looked around. She saw familiar faces among the villagers and Balarans gathered. But she didn't see Novo or Carson. A sense of panic welled up inside her. "Carson?"

Omari shrugged. "He was trying to help the last of the villagers escape. But. . . ." Her expression was expressive.

"How. . .?" Alison scrambled for a chair to sit down. She couldn't have lost Carson. Not yet! Knowing she was jumping to conclusions, she blinked back tears and tried to push aside the heaviness in her heart. Carson _wasn't_ dead. He couldn't be dead. He'd cheated death once—granted, that had been through artificial means. But, _her_ Carson wouldn't leave her here like this, not unless it was unavoidable.

Omari's hand settled onto her shoulder, the touch understanding and a reminder of the people around. Jennifer already moved through the crowd, treating any of the injured while trying to comfort the others. Children cried for their parents, and the elderly struggled to stay calm. Only Elson seemed particularly stoic. Even Renni, Novo's hostess, looked shell-shocked.

The infirmary doors opened again, and Sheppard, Teyla, Ronon, McKay, and Carson walked through. The first four had already stopped at the armory to shed their TAC vests and weapons, but Alison's eyes stopped when she saw the weary form behind them. In an instant, she was on her feet and in Carson's arms. He hugged her tightly, burying his face in her hair and breathing deeply. She ignored the smell of stale sweat and that indefinable stench of a Wraith Hive and simply enjoyed his arms around her. He wasn't dead.

He finally pulled back. "It's good to see you, love."

"You, too." Now that her relief had hit, the tears she'd fought tried to make an escape. She glanced down, swallowing the lump in her throat. "What happened?"

"Sefaris betrayed us," he said softly. "Brought the Wraith right to the clinic."

"And Novo?"

Carson shook his head.

Alison nodded, determined to be strong for him. But she also knew that he'd take this loss personally. He'd cared for Novo like a daughter, really, and had taken her as a protege while they'd worked in the clinic.

Letting him go to see Jennifer for a post-mission physical, Alison returned to Omari's side. The older woman had found her two adopted sons in the chaos, and she seemed okay. Not that any of the refugees were "okay" in the strictest sense of the word. But they would survive.

Feeling somewhat out of place, Alison put herself to work finding beds for the refugees and helping Jennifer settle them into Atlantis. Carson was released shortly after his arrival, and he stopped by Alison's location long enough to give her a light kiss and promise of breakfast. He needed time, and she could see that. Especially with what she'd overheard about his brief captivity on the Wraith Hive. Carson wasn't a man who wanted people around all the time, and she'd known he would need space to work through all of the emotions from this incident. She determined to allow him even though she wanted to be there, holding his hand and listening.

Jennifer forced her to leave the infirmary an hour after Carson had. It wasn't an easy sell, but Jennifer told her that she'd put herself in a hospital bed if she pushed her body. Her lungs were still weak, and the extra work was making it difficult to breathe. Alison only had to think about what Carson would say if he found her in a hospital bed and promised to get some rest. She left Omari with the refugees and walked wearily to her room.

Carson was alive. And on Atlantis. But things had changed. Alison entered her dark quarters and took a long shower, trying to work out her emotions. This wasn't something either of them could fix. Even her illness had been within Carson's ability to fix given the time and technology. But this senseless killing on the part of the Wraith, not to mention Jervis's and Sefaris's betrayals. Yes, she'd heard what Jervis had done from Renni, and it angered her.

She'd just finished drying her hair and pulling on a t-shirt and pajama bottoms when an entry request sounded at her door. Alison set aside her brush and dryer to answer it. Carson stood on the other side, wearing a dark t-shirt and uniform pants. She let him in and wasn't surprised when he pulled her into his arms for a kiss. This was different than anything they'd shared before. Their relationship and physical interaction had gotten intense in the past, but this. . . .

Carson pulled back before Alison could break the connection. He leaned his forehead on hers, and she felt how ragged his breathing was. "Ali-love, I'm so glad you were here."

For once, she understood. "I know." She draped her arms around his neck, not keen on letting him get away. "I wish I was there."

"Aye, I knew you would feel that way." He lifted his head and met her eyes. "I'm sorry for nearly mauling you just now."

"You're apologizing for _kissing_ me?" She laughed. "Carson, you have _no_ reason to apologize. It was. . .nice."

"Nice?" He frowned. "I kiss you like _that_, and all you can say is 'nice?'"

Alison laughed again, relieved to see the smile that touched the corners of his mouth. It wasn't much, but it told her that he would be okay. "I'm glad to see you, too."

The pressure of what had just occurred settled back on his shoulders, and he stepped out of her arms. Alison let him go, knowing he'd need space if he was going to tell her what happened. He walked around her quarters, having only seen glimpses of her personal space since they'd been together. She waited, and he finally rewarded her with a deep sigh that indicated he was ready to talk.

"The Wraith showed up, as I'm sure you've been told."

"Yes, Omari told me."

"She also told you that Novo was taken?" When she shook her head, Carson moved to the couch shoved against a wall and sat down. Alison joined him, pulling the throw pillow from the opposite end onto her lap and cuddling it close while she curled her feet under her to listen. He braced his elbows on his knees and stared at his hands. "She was in the first group to be rounded up and sent to the gate. I don't know what happened to her after that, but Sefaris brought the Wraith to the clinic. Rodney and I barely escaped the Hive, and we don't know where Novo and the others were held."

"Carson. . . ."

He turned to her suddenly. "I allowed the Hive commander to feed on me," he said roughly, staring at her. "We were taken because Sefaris knew I'd had a hand in creatin' the Hoffan drug. The commander wanted me to help him detect it. When I realized how close he was, I realized that people would die no matter what I did. So I did nothing. And that's when he fed on me."

"That's not all of it." Alison didn't want to belittle his experience, but she knew Carson had depths to his nightmares that very few people could even imagine. His time as Michael's prisoner ensured that.

"Aye, you're right." He let out a deep breath. "Rodney doesn't know this. But I had. . . Not a flashback, per se, but a moment when I was back in Michael's custody. It was after the first group of captives he'd brought me had died. I was taken to my cell, and I had this moment where I went back to graduation from medical school. To when I took the Hippocratic Oath. And I _knew_ I couldn't do what the hive commander wanted me to do. I'd already done it once, to survive, and I couldn't do that again. Alison, I was ready to die in order to keep that promise."

She stared at him. Hearing him talk about his time with Michael was a big thing for her. She'd never asked, knowing that he'd open up when he was ready. But, now, to hear the story—even the sanitized version of it—shook her. Especially the depth of his emotions. She didn't know what to say, but that didn't seem to matter to him. He sat back and looked at her. "Come here."

Alison tossed the pillow to the floor and moved into his side. He held her close, and she laid her head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat. This man meant more to her than anything, and she was so thankful he hadn't died that day. But to say anything would seem trite, so she simply allowed him to hold her close and struggled not to cry. She lost the fight when she felt the first of his tears begin to fall.

oOo

By the next afternoon, Carson had sorted out who had survived and who hadn't. He was grateful to see Omari among the survivors, but losing Novo and the others had been a blow he hadn't expected. He struggled with it, especially knowing how close Alison was to Novo. Part of him wished he'd been able to locate the cell or pods where Novo was, but he also realized that it would have been a lost cause. They hadn't had time in their rush to escape the Hive ship.

So, now, he sat in the infirmary, reading a computer file and trying to file away the information for later. He and Alison had talked last night, but it wasn't the talk he wanted to have with her. When he'd sent her back to Atlantis, he'd said they would discuss "their" plans. Last night had been for grieving lost friends. He thought back to the way she'd responded to his initial kiss and smiled. That woman could drive him crazy without even trying. She already did, though not intentionally. Just seeing her with the refugees had been enough to trigger a male reactionary instinct.

Now, however, he was torn between his duty to the refugees and his love for Alison. Her health dictated that she stay on Atlantis, working in a sanitized lab to support him from a distance. Her desire was to be with him, helping him day in and day out. But, given the complications her fight with the Hoffan plague had triggered, he couldn't, in good conscience, let her accompany him. And that would break her heart.

"_There_ you are!" McKay's voice interrupted his thoughts. "I've been calling you!"

Carson looked at him. "Oh, I'm sorry. What's up?"

"Lorne's team just found a suitable planet for the villagers. They're gonna move them out this afternoon."

"Aye, I heard." Carson glanced at the computer screen. "I'm thinkin' about goin' with them."

"Oh, right." Rodney sounded disappointed. "Of course. Um, well, you wanna grab some lunch? I mean, we didn't get a chance to socialize this time around—unless you count, you know, running through the halls of the Hive ship as social time."

"Aye, you're right." Carson nodded once. "Look, Rodney, I'd love to, but I really need to get through this." He gestured to the computer while mentally adding, _And talk to Alison._

"Well, what is it?"

"Dr. Keller's research on the serum that keeps my cells from deteriorating." Carson stared at the screen. "I think there might be something in here to help the plague survivors since I'm not getting the infections they are."

"Well, you don't have to do this now." Rodney frowned. "I'll download the data to a drive and you can just, you know, take it with you."

"Actually, you can't. Mr. Woolsey doesn't want it leaving the base."

"Oh."

"I'm sorry, Rodney."

Rodney's face took on a grumpy look. "Well, _I _don't care. No, I was just trying to stop you from whining about never seeing me. All right." He turned to go.

"Rodney, wait." When McKay turned, Carson sighed. "Now that I think of it, I _am_ a wee bit peckish. Besides, I can't solve all the galaxy's problems in one day, can I?"

McKay pointed at himself. "Well, I said. . . ."

"Shut it." Carson grinned. "Right. Let's go." He shut down the computer and reached for his jacket. "So interested in anyone these days?"

"Well, I _was_," Rodney said with a slight edge to his voice. "But she's engaged."

Carson blinked. "Jennifer?"

"I didn't say. . . ."

"You're a terrible liar, Dr. McKay."

The lunch hour passed in a similar fashion as the two bickered back and forth in their characteristic manner. Carson eventually left the mess hall and headed for Alison's quarters. He'd put off telling her the news long enough, and he knew that it wouldn't be well received no matter what. Still, he had ideas for their predicament, inspired, ironically, by Rodney's rambling about Carson not ever being on Atlantis.

Alison answered his request with a smile. She wore her base uniform today and looked ready to head to one of the labs. "Carson. I was about to come find you."

"I figured as much." He stepped inside for their customary greeting. When he pulled back, he saw the realization in her eyes. "You've heard?"

"From Omari." She nodded. "I understand why you're going."

He took her shoulders. "Ali-love, if you say the word, I'll stay here."

"I know." She blinked, her smile disappearing as tears filled her eyes. "But I won't do that to you, Carson. I spent a lot of time thinking last night, and I know how important it is to you to fight this plague that Michael started. I can't ask you to stop doing that."

"Aye, love, you can." The words he wanted to say—how much he loved her, how he couldn't do this without her, how he refused to break her heart—just wouldn't come out. Instead, he said, "You have no idea how much you mean to me, do you?"

"Carson, this is our life." She bit her lip for a moment. "I can wait here, researching things that you can't. Maybe, between the two of us, we can figure out how to stop this thing."

He grinned suddenly as the words she'd said registered. She hadn't used singular words. She hadn't said that this was _his_ life. Rather, she'd said "_our_ life." "We really need to figure out what we're doin' here. Because leavin' again isn't the way I want you to remember me."

"_Nothing_ is going to happen to you." She smiled again, but it was sad. "I knew coming back to Atlantis that I would likely not rejoin you out there. Not the way I want to."

Carson took her hand and tugged her over to the couch. After she'd sat beside him, he met her eyes. "Alison, this mission to help plague survivors and try to find a cure for their infections is important to me. But not as important as you are. I'm willing to make changes in how I do things. I can base my work out of Atlantis. I'm sure Mr. Woolsey wouldn't mind, and we could be together a lot more than we are now. Rather than living for months off world, I could go where I'm needed, train the people there, and come back. It would mean two to three weeks at a time, but I think it could work. And, after you get over this latest bout with your health, you could visit me, too. I'll always need supplies from Atlantis."

She laughed, but a few tears escaped. "You would do that, wouldn't you?"

"Aye, in a heartbeat." He put a hand on the side of her face, finally finding the right words. "I love _you_, Alison. More than the work I'm doing. More than any mission I might have. I'll always feel responsible, but _you_ are more important."

She sniffled again and dove into his arms. Carson held her for a few moments, wishing he could make this easier for her. When she sat up, she wiped away her tears and smiled at him. "I'd like that. What you suggested, I mean."

He returned the smile and kissed her again. "It's settled, then."

"Yeah, I guess it is." She rose when he did. "You should be getting to the gate. From what Omari told me, they're dialing out any moment."

"Aye, they are." He took her hand. "Walk with me?"

"Of course."

The short trip to the gate room passed in silence, but Carson wouldn't have traded it for the world. Once there, he gave Alison a quick kiss. "See you soon."

"You, too." She grinned mischievously, her eyes sparkling even though he knew she wasn't happy he was leaving again. "You know, after being around you, I have to stop and think about what I'm saying. Otherwise, I'd be saying 'Aye' a _lot_ more often."

Carson laughed at that and shrugged. "That wouldn't bother me in the least, love."

"Be safe, Carson." Alison let go of his hand and waited while he walked through the gate. On the other side, Carson let out a deep breath. He'd see her soon. He was sure of it. As soon as Omari was set up as the villager's healer, he'd return to Atlantis and find a new way of carrying out his mission. He didn't want to leave Alison again.

~TBC


	15. Surprise Return

The first two weeks on New Balar, as the refugees had decided to name their planet, passed quickly. After Carson's initial arrival with Major Lorne's team, he sat down with Elson and Omari to work out a plan for building a settlement. The two were open to his new plan for working with them, both of them thrilled to have seen Alison again. Carson informed Major Lorne of the plans to build near open land for crops and was surprised when the major returned two days later with two volunteer groups of Marines and supplies for everyone. They stayed three days, raising multiple houses in that time. The Balarans worked tirelessly alongside the villagers, and they'd willingly shared their name. It had become something of an identity.

In those two weeks, Carson made one trip back to Atlantis. Alison met him at his quarters, sharing a quick dinner with him and then sitting while he told her everything happening on New Balar. Her health had improved, and the pink was back in her cheeks. Of course, it could have had something to do with his reaction to seeing her again, but he was happy to see that she was recovering. She mentioned visiting as soon as Jennifer released her for off world duty again.

Now, however, most of the settlement had been built. A few tents remained, and the houses were small and needed extra rooms added. But all the families had shelter from the elements and a place to cook their meals. The forest that bordered part of the town teamed with wildlife, and crops had been planted. It would be several more hard months, but the help of Atlantis would get them through.

The morning of the first day of Week Three, Carson rose before dawn and gathered a few supplies. He'd been working non-stop and wanted to escape for a while. Being here with these people, while something he'd come to love, had grown stale after the first two weeks. He needed to return to Atlantis, to settle in there and develop a strategy for helping Hoffan plague survivors from the city's safety. In the six months he'd visited Earth to recover from his own medical issues, he'd accepted his solitary existence. It hadn't been an easy process and involved one very emotional trip back to Scotland. Closing out that portion of his life when he'd always longed for a family of his own had caused a slight setback that concerned SGC psychologists. But he'd eventually found purpose in living among the natives of Pegasus, helping them, and, hopefully, leaving their worlds a better place.

But all that had changed when Alison joined him. Her near-death experience taught him that, sometimes, the love of a woman could transform a man. Carson had spoken truly when he'd told her that a single word would keep him in the city. That she hadn't immediately taken advantage of that told him that she loved him enough to let him go. It made him want to run back to her immediately.

Before he did, however, he wanted a few things straight in his head. Back on that Hive ship, he'd been ready to sacrifice his own life on the off chance that his perfecting of the blood test was wrong. He'd been ready to never come back to Atlantis just so that he could prevent more death. Seeing Alison's panicked look when he walked into the infirmary after that told him what he'd done. That he couldn't just think about himself any longer.

Knowing he wouldn't resolve these issues inside of a thirty-minute break, Carson slipped into the pre-dawn darkness and headed for a nearby river. There was a fishing hole he intended to use, one he'd used before simply for food. Today, he planned to take advantage of the solitude—the men in the village were planning a hunting trip in the opposite direction—to get his head around the changes he needed to make in his life. Alison was too important to him, and he intended to make sure she didn't panic about him like that again.

oOo

Three weeks to the day since Carson's first departure, Alison walked into the gate room adjusting her TAC vest and backpack, feeling slightly awkward wearing the thigh holster. It was something that Teldy insisted on given that this was a new world without an established settlement. For safety to and from the gate, the major wanted her armed.

Alison could have cared less. She would have tried her hardest to pilot a Jumper—never mind the fact she didn't have the ATA gene—just to see Carson. His one trip to the city, while wonderful, was woefully inadequate. He'd said again that they would discuss their work once he helped the Balarans finish setting up their settlement. This trip through the gate was Sheppard's way of having pity on Alison. The Balarans needed supplies, and Teldy's team needed a mission. That Alison joined them made sense given that extra doctors couldn't hurt. At least, that's what Sheppard said when he gave them the mission. But he also offered Alison a secretive smile and a wink at the end of the briefing, and she'd wanted to hug the colonel in thanks. It appeared that everyone looked after Carson given the unique circumstances surrounding his death and resurrection.

On the other side of the gate, Alison smiled. This world was just entering its summer season, prime time for relocation and late planting. Birds chirped around them, and a path led through a lightly wooded area. She spotted Atlantis tread in the dirt and knew that she'd enjoy this visit.

Teldy rocked back on her heels. "This is nice."

"Yeah." Alison took a deep breath. "It's good to be here."

Mehra smirked at her. "Yeah, I'll bet."

Ignoring the jab at her relationship with Carson, Alison followed Teldy down the path. Each of the girls carried a backpack filled with personal items for their overnight stay. Behind them, a group of Marines pulled pallets of more supplies through the gate. The _Daedalus_ had finally arrived at Atlantis, bearing the precious commodities that Woolsey had graciously requested. There would be several such trips through the summer until the Balarans harvested their first crops.

The village was tiny, consisting of one-room homes carefully laid out around a central square. A make-shift smithy was already in operation—likely one of the first businesses to be constructed—and villagers moved purposely from one place to another. Alison had never been to a town so new in construction and looked around curiously. She could see that it was primitive, taking her mind back to Omari's world. But the people looked relatively happy.

Elson spotted them first. "Welcome." He beamed. "We were not expecting visitors from Atlantis for another week."

Teldy nodded. "Well, our supply train came in, and we figured we'd visit early."

Elson gave her an odd look at the phrase "supply train" and turned to Alison. "Dr. Porter, it is good to see you again."

"You, too, Elson." Alison smiled widely.

The older man seemed to shake himself. "Come with me. I will show you to the clinic. I believe your Marines know where to store the supplies."

Teldy's glance and the Marines' nods answered the question. Alison willingly followed Elson, her heart already beating faster. She suppressed the tightening of her chest that indicated a squeal of delight about to escape and refrained from rushing around the village leader. The tiny clinic came into sight soon enough, made even more obvious by the one-room house attached by a covered walkway. Omari used the walkway, abandoning the path when she saw the newcomers. She greeted them with a smile and then turned to Alison. "Carson is not here. He left before dawn to go fishing."

Mehra snickered at the irony, probably already planning to purchase him a "Gone fishin'" sign for his door. Alison tried to keep smiling, but she knew her face fell. "Well, we'll wait here."

Omari gave Teldy a sly glance. "I can take you to him, if you wish."

"Good idea." Teldy nudged Alison's arm. "We'll settle in here while you track him down."

Alison flushed slightly, by no means embarrassed but somewhat uncomfortable with the attention. "Okay."

Omari grinned. "Just let me gather a few supplies and let the boys know that I will be away for a time."

While Omari did just that, Alison and her team walked into the clinic. It housed four beds, a desk, and a miniscule storeroom on the back of it. The beds were empty and freshly made with everything in its place. Knowing Carson as she did, Alison knew that she'd find antibiotics in one place, analgesics in another, and pain medications in yet another. He had a specific way of arranging things, and the familiarity of it made Alison smile.

Teldy shed her backpack with a sigh. "We'll bed down in here tonight," she announced.

Alison nodded. With no one currently using the clinic, it made an ideal hostel for visitors. She picked a bed and shed the heavy TAC vest, though she kept the sidearm at Teldy's glare. Omari returned a few moments later, and Alison followed her from the clinic without a backwards glance. The two women chatted lightly, mostly about the two boys Omari had adopted. She beamed when she told Alison that they'd begun to call her "Mum" after hearing Carson refer to his mother in such a fashion.

When they finally arrived at the fishing hole, Carson was bent over a cooler one of the Atlantis personnel had left behind, laying a large fish inside to keep it fresh. He glanced up at the sound of their approach and smiled widely when he saw Alison. She ignored the smell of fresh fish and walked right into his arms, happy to be there. He held her close for a long time, kissing her head and murmuring softly. Unnoticed by them, Omari slipped out of the clearing. Finally, when she stepped back, he claimed her lips for a long kiss and then gave her a once-over. "You look lovely."

Alison snickered and rolled her eyes. "Right," she said sarcastically. "I left the TAC vest back at the clinic."

"You look lovely in anything you wear, love." He smiled, and the sunlight through the trees caught his dimple, making it stand out even more. "Get used to it."

Alison grinned. "It is _beautiful_ here."

"Aye." Carson let her go so that she could survey the area, but she felt his eyes on her anyway. No doubt his doctor's mind was calculating the odds of her getting sick as well as determining that she was as healthy as possible. His male mind, however. . . .Alison flushed just thinking about what he must be thinking.

When she turned around, he looked over the serene pond and had a thoughtful expression on his face. She frowned. "Carson?"

He blinked. "I'm sorry. I was thinking before you arrived and hadn't quite pulled myself out of them."

She found a place to sit, patting the ground next to her. "Care to share?" When he eyed her, she shrugged. "You don't have to. I just thought. . . ."

"It's quite alright, love." He joined her on the ground. "I wasn't certain you'd want to hear my thoughts."

"Of course I do."

He pulled one knee up, propping his arm on it and studying his hands. "I was thinkin' about bein' back on the Hive."

"With Dr. McKay?"

"Aye." He shook his head. "Ali, I would have sacrificed myself that day if it had saved lives."

She blinked at the sudden rush of tears. She knew he would do something like that. It was his nature, and he'd always been about saving lives. "I know." Her voice broke, and she cleared her throat.

"And I realized that I have more to think about now than just myself." He looked over the area, clearly gathering his thoughts. "Seeing you in the infirmary, panicked like you were, really made me think about what I did. About what I have waitin' for me back on Atlantis. This life isn't just about me anymore."

"Carson, we're in _another_ galaxy." She tried to find words to express that she understood laying down her life. "I can't imagine. . . ." Her voice trailed off as her chest constricted at the thought of him never coming back. She let out a quick breath. "I mean, uh. . . ." She closed her eyes and tried again, this time managing to choke the words out. "It would be awful, but I do understand."

His fingers brushing across her cheek startled her. "And that's exactly what I can't have." He rubbed his thumb over her cheekbone. "Ali-love, you're more important. I know I've said it before, but I mean it.

"Back on Earth, I went to Scotland." He dropped his hand, his face taking on the thoughtful expression from previous moments. "I came to terms with the idea that I could never return to my country, never see my family, never see my mum again. It wasn't _my_ life to live, though I have those memories. And it took six months for that to settle in. At times, it still gets me. But that Hive took me back to graduatin' from medical school and all the implications of that. And it made me think about _him_."

Alison frowned. "Who?"

"Carson Beckett." He shrugged. "The _other_ Carson Beckett. The _real_ Carson Beckett."

She blinked suddenly. "Carson, you _are_ the real Carson Beckett. At least, to me you are."

"Aye, and I don't have to deal with anything from anyone else, either." He smiled sadly. "But he sacrificed his life to save another, and I nearly did the same thing. Difference is, I have you waitin' on me. It makes me wonder if, had he had someone waitin' on him, would he have done what he did?"

Alison had heard the stories of the original Carson Beckett, how he'd ignored orders so that he could remove an explosive tumor from a hapless scientist. She'd also heard stories about how shocked everyone was to find him in Michael's cell months after his death. Still, she knew _this_ Carson, knew that he had all of the memories, the personality, the morals, and the traits of _that_ Carson. As weird as it was to know that the man she loved wasn't the original, she also knew he was real. But nothing she said would help him at this moment. And he didn't look like he wanted anyone to help him. Just to talk. So, she let him talk.

"That's one of the reasons I started workin' like this." Carson shrugged, his accent becoming thicker as his emotions came to the surface. "I thought that I could undo some of what I'd done while in Michael's custody. That I could maybe make up for it. That the SGC agreed was a moot point. It was what I needed to do. Now," he said as he looked at her, "I'm not so sure."

"Carson, I. . . ." She tried to find something to say as he'd left it open for her to reply. "I can't answer that for you."

"I know, love." He smiled. "But I can. And I have."

"You have?"

"Aye." He reached out and took her hand. "It's still my 'mission,' as Rodney calls it. But I don't have to live out here to accomplish it. I've already spoken to Mr. Woolsey the last time I was on Atlantis, and I'm returnin' tomorrow."

Alison blinked. "You're coming back with us?"

"Aye." He grinned. "Mr. Woolsey's agreed to give me a lab and plenty of research assistants to work on solvin' this Hoffan plague thing. In addition, I'll still be travelin' to help villages, but not as often. And I won't be living away from the city any longer."

"Really?" She laughed when he nodded. Out of everything she'd come here to see and hear, she hadn't expected that. Giving in to impulse, she all but threw herself into his arms. He laughed with her, falling to the ground in an unceremonious heap. Amid the tangle of arms and legs, she managed to bury her face in his neck and promptly started crying. The stress of the previous weeks, combined with her excitement, made her emotions seem fragile. Carson simply held her, rubbing her back until she was ready to talk. She sat up, wiping away the tears. "I'm sorry. I'm just. . . .really, _really_ happy."

"I figured that out." He pushed himself to one elbow and frowned. "What is that?"

Alison followed the finger he jabbed toward a tree. The basket of "supplies" that Omari had gathered sat next to it. "That would be Omari. Though I'm not sure what she packed."

Carson rolled his eyes. "Knowing that woman, probably lunch."

He was right. Carson and Alison sat next to the pond for the next two hours, talking about everything and nothing. By the time Carson stood to leave, she'd made her decision. No matter where this man went, she'd always follow him. She loved him that much.

oOo

The next morning, Alison rose to find Teldy and Mehra already up and dressed. The sun had barely climbed over the horizon, but she refused to be badgered about her sleeping habits. Neither of the women commented, however, and they let Alison return to wakefulness in her own time. The night before, Carson had run the three of them into his little one-room home, declaring the clinic unfit for them to sleep in given its lack of heat. And he made a good point about Alison's health, though she'd never admit it. Curling up under blankets kept her body warm, but breathing cold air would set her back if she wasn't careful. It was that argument alone that softened Teldy enough to make the move.

After that, the evening dissolved into laughter as Carson charmed the socks off of Alison's friends. She cooked for everyone, falling back into that role and loving every minute of it. While the home was on loan from the village and would eventually become Omari's, Alison couldn't help but feel they'd rocked back the clock a bit. With Dylan, she'd hated anything domestic. With Carson, she loved being there and being a help. Even Mehra teasing her about being "the little housewife" couldn't dampen her happiness.

This morning, however, they wolfed down the breakfast Omari insisted on bringing them as they helped Carson pack his personal effects. He worked alongside them, though his attention was divided between giving Omari last-minute instructions and making sure the other woman had everything she needed. Omari finally shooed him out of the clinic and back to the house to gather up the last of his belongings. Mehra and Teldy waited at the edge of the village, and Alison helped Carson carry the three large duffel bags of stuff he'd collected over the three weeks he'd been there. Clothing, blankets, little things made by the children, and his personal items. She smiled as he shook hands with Elson and hugged Omari. Finally, they headed for the gate. And home.

That night, after debriefing Mr. Woolsey and enduring a complete physical by Jennifer, Carson slipped onto the balcony where he'd watched Alison eat dinner with Teldy and Mehra. The mess hall balcony was empty due to the late hour, but he wanted to enjoy this moment. Taking a deep breath, he smiled. He truly was home.

The door behind him hissed open, and he turned, not surprised that Alison had found him. She didn't say a word but slipped her arms around his waist and laid her head on his chest. He held her close, loving how perfectly she fit with him. In all his time back on Earth, he'd never once considered finding a woman who suited him like she did. With her presence there, comforting and silent, he made a firm decision. While he might always think of the other Carson Beckett, he would not worry about being a copy. This woman thought him every bit a man as the other had been, and he would live up to that idea.

Smiling, Carson held the woman he loved until the moon appeared on the horizon and the cool breeze forced them back inside.

oOo

On the other side of the galaxy, a scientist made his way through the halls of a ship. His commander felt him approach and felt the victory in that approach. He smiled. The time to act had obviously come. Soon, the child he sought would be his, as would the one man who had wrought so much destruction on his personal life. Part of him regretted that he could not cause the original pain, but the clone was as much Carson Beckett as the original had been.

Turning to face the scientist and accept the report, Michael smiled unpleasantly. Very soon, his plans for this galaxy would be realized. And Atlantis would be brought to its knees.

~TBC


	16. Old Enemy

Settling back into Atlantis took more out of Carson than he'd realized. He had so many things to think about thanks to Woolsey choosing to make his department a full-time one. Alison, of course, was a part of that team, though Carson worked to not rely on her so much. All the personnel reassigned to work with them knew their story and thought it incredibly sweet. For their part, Alison and Carson tried to keep things professional while they worked. But it was difficult. On more than one occasion, he found himself distracted by watching her work. Something about seeing her in a lab coat, bent over a microscope with a look of concentration on her face, sent awareness through him like almost nothing else did.

A week after his return, however, Carson sent Alison home early. She'd been working non-stop for two days on a hunch that didn't pan out as well as she'd hoped. The disappointment that crossed her face spread to the rest of the room, and most everyone had understood. She'd been working on a possible cure for the infections Hoffan plague survivors were getting based on the serum that kept Carson's cells from deteriorating. It had become a very personal journey for her, and, when the simulations failed—again—she'd struggled to contain her frustration. Carson had pulled her to the side of the room and sent her home, saying he'd pick her up in two hours for a late dinner together. She nodded and, after touching his elbow, left him in the lab. He'd wanted to hug her right then, but he settled for waving when she gave him a tiny smile.

The rest of the researchers went back to work with sympathetic looks and a couple of poorly-suppressed smiles. Most of them loved seeing Alison and Carson work together, and he'd heard the whispers going around the city about the odds of their relationship becoming "permanent." He knew they meant marriage, and he wasn't sure he was ready for that step. Not yet. He wanted to give Alison time to acclimate to having him in the city. But a part of him missed the domestic, day in and day out aspect of their relationship that had developed off world.

The lights went out suddenly. Carson sat up and blinked as the battery back-ups for the laptops kicked into gear. He turned swiftly. "Save everything and shut down any equipment." As his research assistants scrambled to comply, he tapped his radio. "Rodney, this is Carson." When nothing sounded in his ear, he tapped the radio. "Beckett to McKay. Do you read?" Still nothing. "Beckett to Keller." Silence.

By now, the others in the room had started looking at him with slightly frightened expressions. "Dr. Beckett?" one of the women asked.

"I don't know, lass." He pushed off his stool and closed down his laptop. "Stay here and stay calm. I'll find out what's happenin'."

With that, he walked out of the lab and found the rest of Atlantis also in the dark. As he rushed through the halls, he felt an almost-irresistible urge to head to the control room. Shaking his head, Carson frowned. He'd felt that influence before, back when he'd tried resisting Michael's influence. He frowned. Michael was in Atlantis?

oOo

Alison gained her quarters with a frustrated sigh and shed her uniform coat. The sleeveless gray shirt she'd worn underneath it hugged her curves, but she felt instantly better out of the constricting jacket. Normally she wouldn't mind the jacket's cut, but her frustration and failure with the simulations left her irritated at almost everything.

They should have succeeded. She'd used the serum that kept Carson alive as a base, following his suspicion that it had something to do with the Wraith polypeptide chains in the serum. But nothing had worked. When the first simulation failed, she simply reloaded. Better to be safe than sorry. But she'd put all her hopes into the idea that this research would be a quick fix, that she could get back into the field with Carson. While he had said that he'd willingly give up his work as the Pegasus version of Doctors Without Borders, Alison wanted to get out back out there. She wanted to assist him in any way she could, and being stuck in a research lab on Atlantis wasn't her idea of helping.

She thought about the last week and smiled as she turned on the shower. As the hot water pounded on her back, working the kinks of frustration from her neck, she sighed. Having Carson back on Atlantis was totally different. In the field, he'd come and gone from the house and clinic, going into "doctor mode" as he went. It was a trait Alison found incredibly attractive. Seeing him moving to a patient's side, stethoscope hung around his neck as he knowledgeably and gently treated the wound, stirred something in her. She'd been treated with the same kind of patience and gentleness when she became ill, though she hadn't noticed the little changes. Now, looking back on her illness, she recognized the signs that he cared more than he'd previously indicated. The way he sat with her, holding her hand, talking to her, brushing her hair from her face. . . .Alison smiled as she stepped out of the shower. A quiet dinner with Carson—maybe on "their" balcony—appealed more than anything.

The lights in her quarters went out suddenly. Alison jumped, the inevitable rush of fear fading as she realized that someone, somewhere, must have tripped the Ancient version of a circuit breaker. Letting out a deep breath, she fumbled around in the dark as she looked for the candle she'd set on her desk. With the power off, she wouldn't be able to necessarily dry her hair, but she could at least be presentable for when Carson arrived in thirty minutes. Besides, he'd already seen her on her worst day—in a coma—and would likely not mind wet hair. Thinking of how he'd taken her aside and gently promised dinner when he finished his own work for the evening made her smile. His refusal to hide their relationship thrilled her.

Done preparing for the evening, Alison moved to the door and waved her hand over the crystals. Nothing happened. She tapped the radio in her ear. "Porter to Beckett." When no one responded, she tried again. "Carson, this is Alison. Please respond."

The silence unnerved her. She paced across her quarters and opened her laptop, belatedly realizing she'd forgotten to plug it in when she came home. It had been about dead when she left the lab, and she'd intended to charge it overnight. All of her research was backed up in the city's systems anyway. But she'd hoped to email someone about the power outage and see if they could get her out of her quarters. At least she'd be able to track down Carson and find out what was going on.

With her laptop out of the question, she plugged it in to charge when the power came back on and started to pace. As time wore on, she wrung her hands. If Carson couldn't get out of the lab, he had no way of knowing she was okay. Besides, shouldn't the power have been back on by now? It seemed that McKay or Zelenka should have fixed the problem rather quickly. She should have at least been able to get out of her room. Which meant something more than a simple power outage had happened.

Remembering a trick she'd heard Jennifer talk about, she moved to the crystals next to the door and pried off the cover. Just as she would have removed the middle crystal, the door opened. Two men stood outside, their faces shadowed. Alison grinned. It froze when the stunner came up and fired a single blue bolt.

oOo

Carson gained the infirmary within a few moments after leaving his lab. Being attached to the infirmary, it didn't have doors that closed save only in quarantine situations. That way, doctors in the lab could move freely to other parts of the infirmary to assist in emergency situations.

People were wandering the halls, looking lost. They spotted his white lab coat in the scant light and naturally gravitated toward him. His training kicked in, and he instructed them to stay put until they heard from Colonel Sheppard, Mr. Woolsey, or someone else on the senior staff. As odd as it felt, he wasn't necessarily "senior staff" any longer.

Jennifer was already treating a couple of minor injuries by flashlight. She glanced up. "Carson. How'd you get here?"

"The lab doors stayed open." He moved to her side as she turned Dr. Parrish over to Marie's capable hands. "How are things in here, lass?"

Jennifer nodded. "Good. I think everyone is being reasonable about the dark. What is going on?"

"I don't know." Carson glanced around. "I'm just glad I sent Alison home before this. At least she'll be in her quarters."

Jennifer touched his arm and returned to her work. With the infirmary completely in the dark, it would be difficult to treat patients. Carson had done it before, of course. Part of being a doctor was being prepared. After that incident where Dr. Weir and Colonel Sheppard had the consciousnesses of two enemy fighter pilots stuck in their bodies, he'd stocked the infirmary with a decent supply of torches, batteries, walkie-talkies and other equipment. He followed Jennifer, grabbing a torch and going to work alongside her.

She glanced at him. "Carson, you don't need to do this."

"Aye, I know." He smiled at her. "I'd rather be busy than sitting around."

"Then see if you can track down someone who knows what's going on." Jennifer shrugged. "I've got nurses underfoot who need things to do."

"And you don't need me." Carson let out a sigh and gave her a rueful grin. "I'm sorry, lass. I just don't sit around very well."

"I understand." Jennifer handed him a walkie. "Figure out how you can help."

Carson left the infirmary after that. Truth be told, he'd rather be out there, finding out what had happened, than in the infirmary preparing for injuries. Outside the infirmary, he turned on the walkie and flipped through the channels until he found the right one.

"_. . . .about transporters?"_ The tail end of McKay's question made no sense.

"_Still working on it,"_ Zelenka said.

"_Yeah, well, let me know when you've got one online."_ McKay clicked off the channel.

Carson keyed the walkie in his hand. "Rodney, where are you?"

"_Carson?"_ McKay sounded surprised.

Sheppard interrupted. _"Hey, Doc, how are things where you're at?"_

"They're fine." Carson looked around. "I just left the infirmary. Jennifer's got a few minor injuries, but everything seems to be okay."

"_Good."_ Sheppard sounded slightly winded. _"Doc, head to Rodney's lab. He should be able to get us some answers._"

"_Oh, that's just so not right!"_ Rodney whined. _"Put the pressure on me."_

"_Rodney!"_ Sheppard's tone said there was no room to argue right now.

Shaking his head at his friends, Carson headed for the nearest stairwell. He whispered a quick "Thank God" as he remembered his recent adventures. He might not have been in the best shape, but he could run up and down stairs relatively easy. Using his flashlight, he hurried to Rodney's lab.

oOo

Alison moaned at the headache that assaulted her. She'd never been stunned before, but it felt like every muscle in her body had tensed when that blast hit her. Which it likely had. She moved her head, feeling the awkwardness of the chair into which she'd been tossed. Opening her eyes, she looked around.

Teyla was also beginning to stir. Alison pushed up, her hair falling into her face. How long had they been unconscious? And who had brought her and Teyla to. . . .Woolsey's office? Teyla sat up and looked around, scrambling for the blanket-wrapped form of her son that lay on the floor next to her.

A form moved into the room, and Alison turned. It wasn't a Wraith, though it had the look of a Wraith. But its teeth were straight, and it wore different clothing.

Teyla also turned. "Michael."

"Hello, Teyla." The creature that had held Carson hostage for so long swiveled his head. "And Dr. Porter. It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance."

Teyla interrupted. "How did you get here?"

Michael grinned. "The ship I borrowed from your people. It has provided me with a wealth of information and technology—and the key to infiltrating this base. Now, I can get to work."

"Get to work on what?" Teyla asked.

Alison stayed where she was, eying Michael as she watched Teyla's protective stance. In her mind, she wondered if she should just get between the creature and Teyla. She'd never met Michael before this day, though she'd heard a few stories from Carson. And she knew he wanted Teyla's child for his own evil purposes. But why did he want her?

"Forgive me," Michael took a step toward Teyla, who backed away protectively. "I forgot to congratulate you. What's his name?"

Teyla glared as Alison's gaze ping-ponged between the two.

"No matter," Michael said. "We don't have much time, I'm afraid. My hybrids are preparing to activate Atlantis's self destruct. As soon as I collect one other thing that is mine, we will leave."

Alison spoke for the first time, her voice slightly shaky. "What. . .other thing?"

"You're going to destroy Atlantis?" Teyla asked.

Michael regarded Alison closely before looking at Teyla. "A punishment richly deserved. Not that I expect either of you to agree with me. But don't worry—your baby will be safe. As will Dr. Beckett," he added, looking at Alison.

Teyla glared as Alison swallowed the bile that rose up inside of her. "You are _not_ taking my son."

"Yes, Teyla, I am." Michael lifted his chin. "You _know_ how important your child is to me. His father and you have given him a powerful gift that I will utilize to exert greater control over my legion of hybrids. He is the key to increasing my strength, securing my control over the galaxy."

Teyla shook her head. "Your reign is over. You will _not_ make it out of here alive. My people will make certain. . . ."

"_Enough!_" Michael said loudly. "Enough!" He took a menacing step toward Teyla. "Do you think you've weakened me? You've destroyed my facilities, ruined much of my research, claimed what is rightfully mine, but you cannot—you _cannot_ weaken my resolve. Make no mistake, Teyla. I am as strong now as I have ever been." He stepped back. "Look around you. I am in control of Atlantis—the very place where your people, your Dr. Beckett, ended my life as I knew it. It's only fitting that I return to extinguish this blight from the galaxy once and for all."

Michael left the women alone then, and Alison watched Teyla gently bounce Torren to get him back to a sound sleep. She swallowed, trying to wet her throat. Clearly Michael though he'd use her to get to Carson. If she could get in touch with him, tell him to stay away, she might be able to forestall anything he had in mind for both of them. Of course, he might also kill her, and the idea of leaving Carson like that caused her already nervous stomach to roil again. She looked around, trying to find some way of getting in touch with the others. Nothing became apparent, however, and she shifted in her seat.

Michael needed to be stopped. But how?

oOo

Carson cursed as he paced away from the computer monitor where Rodney had hacked into the surveillance cameras in Woolsey's office. Michael had returned. That explained the pressure in the back of his brain, the urge to go to the control room.

"I thought Michael was dead." Major Lorne had arrived a few short minutes ago, along with Zelenka.

"As did I," Zelenka responded.

"He's the one who stole our Jumper, used it to escape from his Cruiser before we could destroy it." McKay sounded frustrated. "He's like a cockroach, you know? Every time you try to step on him, he just skitters away."

"Yeah, but what does he want?" Lorne jabbed a finger at the screen. "And why Dr. Porter?"

"Because of me." Carson's heart didn't just sink. It fell to the ground faster than a stone that weighed a ton. "He's usin' her to get to me."

Sheppard, who trotted into the room with a group of armed Marines, touched his shoulder. "Well, we're not letting him have either of you, Doc." He looked around. "Alright, we need to get moving. Lorne, you and your team take this stairwell," he continued, pointing at a schematic on a computer screen. "My team will take _this_ stairwell. We move into position. You wait for my mark to blast the door, we head up, we take the gate room. McKay, you're with me. Zelenka, stay here, try to figure this thing out."

Zelenka nodded. "Certainly."

Sheppard turned to Carson. "You okay, Doc?"

"Aye." Carson shook his head. "Wee bit of a headache and the strongest urge to head up to the control room, but I'll be fine."

McKay's eyes widened. "The mind link! Michael's probably using it to get you up there if Alison wasn't enough."

Sheppard frowned at Carson before handing a stunner to Zelenka. "If _he_ goes anywhere," he said, pointing at Carson, "stun him. The last thing we need is for Michael to get his claws back into our friend."

Carson squelched the urge to give a sarcastic "Thank you" to the colonel and simply nodded. "Be careful, Colonel. Michael is. . . ."

"We got it, Doc. And we'll let you know if we need anything." Sheppard looked at the Marines with him. "Alright, let's move out."

~TBC


	17. Prodigal's End

**Author's Note:** I apologize for not posting this past Wednesday. This last week has been chaotic in RL, and I quite simply forgot. On that day, I had an out-of-town funeral to attend and then got sick that evening. So, again, I apologize for skipping a regular post without telling anyone. Also, if it wasn't for **theicemenace**, this plot arc would never have been. Thank you for this wonderful idea, my friend. Enjoy this chapter! ~lg

oOo

"I must speak with you." The voice of a hybrid brought Alison's head up. She'd closed her eyes against a tension headache and had tried to stay as calm as possible. Teyla did not need her panicking at this moment, though that's exactly what she felt like doing. This was different from the times she'd been off world. Back then, she'd been hunted but always seemed to have the upper hand thanks to Dusty and Teldy's actions. No, right now, she'd become bait. As much as she liked that she was irresistible to Carson, she'd never really considered the negative ramifications. Michael, however, obviously had.

How had he known about her? She wasn't sure she wanted to know, but common sense told her he must have had a spy somewhere that she and Carson had been. She just hoped it wasn't someone on New Balar. She didn't know if Carson could handle knowing one of those people had betrayed him to Michael.

Michael stepped onto the bridge connecting Woolsey's office with the control room. The hybrid spoke. "We are still having difficulties with the self destruct device."

"Why?" Michael demanded.

"As I told you, the encryption is much more complex than we had anticipated. We have run several integer factorization algorithms—nothing has worked so far."

"Keep at it." Michael turned to head back to the office.

"For how long?" the hybrid asked like a petulant child.

Michael glared at him. "As long as it takes."

The hybrid frowned. "It is only a matter of time before the others figure out a way through our defenses."

"I know," Michael said in a tone that indicated he spoke to a very young child. "But you will have solved the encryption problem before then."

"We _have_ the baby." The hybrid shrugged. "We don't have to remain here."

"We do _not_ have the doctor." Michael lowered his voice. "We are not leaving until that device is armed." He walked back into the office as the hybrid reluctantly went back to work.

Teyla turned. "Problems?" she asked sarcastically.

"Nothing that can't be dealt with."

"You do know that Colonel Sheppard is no doubt preparing strike teams to retake the gate room?" she asked.

"Of course," Michael acknowledged. "Probably moving them into place as we speak. But don't worry—they're not getting in here."

He left the two women alone again, and Alison let out another deep breath. She and Carson had not really talked about his relationship with Michael, and she worried about the mind link she'd heard that Michael built into all his creations. Could he influence Carson to come up here? If so, why was she here? Insurance?

A small explosion caused the floor to rumble slightly.

oOo

Carson paced in Rodney's lab, following the action on the radio. He knew he couldn't go anywhere near that control room, and Zelenka kept glancing up at him worriedly. The scientist was distracted, and Carson couldn't keep doing that. He marched over to a chair and plopped down, bouncing one knee as he fiddled with the too-long sleeve of his lab coat. The bloody thing had never fit him properly in the first place. Now, it just annoyed him. He shrugged out of it, leaving it draped inside-out over the back of the chair.

Zelenka seemed to have calmed when he sat down, so Carson worked to stay in place. His head ached as a result of the pressure, and the chatter over the radio wasn't helping. Just as he would have turned the thing off, he heard Rodney's voice.

"_Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Picking up a serious energy reading up ahead."_

"_What is it?"_ Sheppard asked.

"_I don't know, but we should stop until I do."_ McKay's voice sounded like he'd pulled out his own version of the Ancient life signs detector. Carson sat forward in his chair.

Sheppard's voice came again. _"Major Lorne, hold up."_

After a lengthy pause, another voice—Rivers'—came over the radio. _"Colonel Sheppard, Major Lorne is down."_

Carson jumped to his feet, startling Zelenka.

"_What happened?"_ Sheppard demanded.

"_I don't know,"_ Rivers replied. _ "I think he hit some kind of force field. He's alive but unconscious."_

"_Get him out of there and fall back."_ Sheppard sounded frustrated as the radio clicked, indicating he'd deactivated it.

Carson whirled. "Stun me if you want to, but I'm headin' ta the infirmary. There's no way I'm lettin' Jennifer be there alone when Major Lorne comes in." He grabbed his lab coat and headed out the door. Behind him, Zelenka stuttered, scrambled for the stunner and then froze when Carson turned in the exact opposite direction of the control room. Carson could almost imagine the man cursing him in rapid-fire Czech. He didn't care.

He managed to arrive at the infirmary just before the Marines carried Lorne through the doors. Jennifer looked up, her eyes wide when he charged through the door. "Carson! What is it?"

"Jennifer, love. . . ."

Her eyes got wider. "What happened to Evan?"

"He's unconscious, but we don't know yet." Carson took her shoulders. "Let me work on him."

She tried to respond, but the Marines brought the hapless major through the door. Jennifer rushed to help them get her fiance into a hospital bed while Carson grabbed a hand-held scanner. It activated immediately, and he moved to the bed. The headache he'd been fighting had dulled, and he focused on doing more than waiting around. Sure, he wanted to be with Sheppard, rescuing Alison. But, as Lorne's injury showed, there was something Carson didn't know how to get around in place. He could only assume that Michael had taken Alison as a way to get to him. He wouldn't leave her at Michael's mercy for long, just long enough to make sure Jennifer would be okay.

Finally, he stepped back. "He's been stunned."

Jennifer looked up. "You're sure?"

"Aye." Carson gave her a smile he'd perfected as a doctor. "He's only unconscious and will wake soon."

Jennifer let out a relieved breath and touched Evan's hand. Carson watched, enjoying this rare glimpse into someone else's relationship. He and Alison often had moments like this, and it gave him an idea of what he must have looked like when Alison had slipped into a coma.

Leaving the two alone, Carson headed for Marie. He busied himself in the infirmary with what little he could find, trying to wait patiently while chomping at the bit. His drive for getting to the control room wasn't just about the urging in his head that he fought with as the moments dragged by. He also needed to get to Alison.

Finally, Sheppard swept into the infirmary. Carson met him. "Major Lorne will be fine. He was stunned somehow."

"Yeah, Zelenka and McKay said Michael's got some sort of stun bubble around the control room and two levels down." Sheppard frowned. "I thought I told you to stay put."

"Aye, you did." Carson nodded. "I couldn't let Jennifer be here alone, Colonel."

"I understand." Sheppard bit his lip. "When the major wakes up, head back to McKay's lab. I need to know what Michael wants." He eyed the doctor for a moment. "How are you doing?"

Carson nodded, trying to give the impression that he was certain of his condition. "My head's throbbin' a wee bit, but I'm okay."

"Good." Sheppard left the infirmary then, and Carson went back to waiting. When the major finally regained consciousness, Carson left the man in Jennifer's capable hands and headed for Rodney's lab. Eventually, this stand-off would end, and he'd be able to go get to Alison. Until then. . . .

oOo

Time seemed to drag for Alison even though she knew only an hour had passed since the quiet explosion. Michael didn't seem too worried about Sheppard and his strike team getting close to the control room. That worried her even more because she didn't quite know how many other hybrids were out there. Michael had come in once during that time, offering to take Teyla with him. Of course, he'd made no mention of Alison, ignoring her as if she wasn't even there, and that worried her. Was she supposed to lure Carson to the control room and then die with the rest of the Atlantis personnel?

Teyla had been torn between pacing, glaring at Michael, and trying to get her hands on the radio on Woolsey's desk. Finally, Michael turned his back long enough for Teyla to grab it. She stuck it over her ear and activated it. "Colonel Sheppard, this is Teyla. Can you hear me?" She paused. "John, this is Teyla, please respond."

Apparently nothing came through the radio because Teyla gave a frustrated look. Alison had begun to stand in order to offer her assistance when chaos exploded in the control room in the form of a very angry Ronon. Alison whirled and saw that two hybrids had hit the ground. Ronon charged Michael, attacking him ferociously. Teyla walked cautiously toward the door as the two exchanged blows. Ronon caught sight of them. "Teyla, run!"

Teyla turned to Alison and motioned with her head. Alison didn't need to be told twice. The two women ducked out of the control room, Alison behind Teyla on the off chance that one of the hybrids would see the two and try to attack them. She'd rather take a fall than see Teyla fall while holding the baby.

Richard Woolsey found them. "Teyla, Dr. Porter, are you all right?"

"Yes," Teyla answered as Alison nodded. "But Ronon needs our help. We need to get back up to the control room."

Before any of them could respond, a hybrid appeared. He raised his stunner and fired. Teyla ducked, shielding her child, while Alison dodged around a corner. As one, the three ran, drawing the hybrid's fire as he gave chase.

oOo

Carson stood in the lab, watching Michael exchange blows with Ronon. The pull on his mind wasn't as strong now, presumably because Michael was distracted. With the lessening headache, he was able to think a bit more clearly. Alison and Teyla had escaped, much to his relief, and he silently urged Ronon along. With the stun bubble in place, he couldn't get to her to help her.

Then, as he watched, Ronon was tossed over the edge of the balcony. He landed on the steps below and was still. Carson braced his hands on the edge of the desk. This fight was about Teyla and him, not Alison or Ronon. _He_ should be up there. But the link between his mind and Michael's was the exact reason he _wasn't_ up there. If he stepped foot into the control room, Michael would assume control over him and his life as he knew it would end.

Muttering a curse, Carson paced away from the computer screen and forced himself to wait as Zelenka told Sheppard that Ronon was down.

oOo

Alison stared at Woolsey as the poor man tumbled down the stairs. No wonder Michael wasn't worried about Sheppard's strike teams getting to him. He had some sort of energy field in place. Before she could do much more than gasp, another hybrid appeared. Teyla snagged Alison's arm and urged her around the corner, stopping long enough to kick the hybrid down the stairs toward Woolsey. Before she could see if the hybrid landed on top of the city's leader, Alison was nearly shoved down the corridor by Teyla. The Athosian seemed to know where she was going, and Alison was content to let her take the lead. After all, she'd never been in a hostage situation, and she still felt a bit dazed.

Another hybrid appeared around a corner, and the two women hid. However, he headed their way. Teyla started patting the wall, and Alison realized what she was after. The city had opening's to the power conduits all along this corridor, and that would be the perfect place to hide as the doors were invisible. Alison joined Teyla and found the opening. She grabbed the ladder and set it carefully on the floor. "In here!"

Teyla waited for Alison to climb into the opening and then handed Torren to her. Cuddling the baby close, Alison smiled and thought about her years babysitting. Teyla climbed inside and lifted the ladder, closing the door as quietly as possible. Though small, there was enough room for the two women to sit side by side. Alison handed the baby back to his mother, jostling him in the process. He started to cry, quieting when he sensed his mother's arms around him.

Alison held her breath and waited.

oOo

When the self-destruct alarm sounded, Carson cursed again. He hated being so out of touch with everything. Zelenka scrambled to find any information, realizing that they had ten minutes before the city exploded.

The citywide comms activated. "Teyla. Carson." Michael's voice echoed as Carson looked up. "I know you can hear me. That alarm—if you're not aware—is Atlantis's self destruct device. I've armed it; set it for ten minutes. That is the amount of time you have to consider the offer I'm about to make both of you. If you will both surrender yourselves to me as well as the child, I'll disarm the device, sparing the lives of everyone on this base. If not, you, the child, Dr. Porter, and everyone else will die."

Carson ground his teeth together. When he'd been in Michael's custody, the creature had made similar offers, trying to soften what he wanted done with a kindness he'd never known. Carson felt the mind link begin to take over, and he squeezed his eyes shut. The urge to rush to the control room had grown ten-fold, and he nearly rushed out of the lab before he realized what had happened. Then, he glanced up at Zelenka and shook his head to clear it. The self destruct would go off in ten minutes. That was how long he—and Rodney and Sheppard—had to figure out how to rescue Alison and the rest of the city.

Next to him, Zelenka let out a Czech exclamation of victory and grabbed the radio. "Rodney?"

"_Yeah, Radek, go ahead."_ Rodney sounded slightly distracted.

"I finally figured out how to override some of Michael's lockout codes."

"_That's great!"_ McKay's voice turned hopeful. _"Can you shut down the self destruct?"_

"No." Zelenka shook his head. "No, no, no, that will take a bit more time. I _have_, however, managed to get the access doors to the gate room open."

"_Well, that does us absolutely no good. I mean, the stun field's still in effect,"_ Rodney whined.

Sheppard's voice came over the radio. _ "What about the transporter on the gate room level?"_

Zelenka shook his head again. "Uh, no, no, I still don't have control of that either."

"_For cryin' out loud!"_ McKay exclaimed. And Carson felt like echoing it. What good did access to the gate room doors do when they couldn't get inside?

"I'm sorry!" Zelenka looked a bit upset at Rodney's frustration—as if the current situation wasn't enough. "I'm doing the best I can! Michael has placed several highly encrypted codes in. . . ."

"_Look just. . .What about the gate shield?" _ McKay interrupted. _"Can you lower it?"_

"Yes." Zelenka nodded. "That I _can_ do."

"Great!" McKay switched off his radio for a moment.

Carson stared at Zelenka. He understood that dropping the gate shield had something to do with Rodney's plan, but he couldn't figure it out. The pressure to go to the control room had passed the point of irresistible and was becoming painful. He gripped the edge of the table, his knuckles turning white as he tried to avoid the very thing that would, ultimately, kill him and the city.

oOo

"Time is short, Teyla." Michael's voice startled Alison, and she glanced at Teyla to see if the baby was still sleeping. Michael continued, "I've already got Dr. Beckett on his way, but I don't understand you. I would think the choice was an easy one. If nothing else, consider your child. By remaining in hiding, you are sentencing him to die. What kind of mother would do such a thing?"

Teyla looked down at her child as Alison's heart thudded in her chest. Carson was on his way to Michael? Why? How? With the force field in place, he couldn't get to the control room. Unless. . . .Michael had used the mind link, and Carson was obeying because that's how he'd been mentally programmed. She felt tears prick her eyes as she realized what had happened. The man she loved had just become a puppet.

"He has a chance to live." Michael interrupted the women's thoughts. "All of you do. Come with me, Teyla. Trust me. I will not harm either of you, and I will not harm Atlantis. You have my word."

Teyla hesitated for only a moment and glanced at Alison. She must have read the anguish in the younger woman's eyes because she let out a deep breath. "Turn off the self destruct system."

"Teyla!" Michael's exclamation echoed Alison's whispered one.

Teyla looked toward the ceiling of their hiding place. "You want me to trust you? Then show me you mean what you say. Turn off the self destruct system, and I will come with you." After a long period of silence, Teyla spoke again. "Michael, can you hear me?"

"Yes, Teyla. I hear you." Michael sighed. "You disappoint me, so I will leave you to the fate you have chosen. But I'm not leaving alone. You should know that I've already collected a sample of your son's DNA, and Dr. Beckett will join me shortly. Cloning your son will require additional time, delaying the implementation of my plan, but, as you well know, I will not be deterred. Goodbye, Teyla."

The radio fell silent. Alison stared at Teyla, recognizing the horror in the other woman's eyes. Carson was with Michael and would be forced to work on cloning the child. And she would never see him again.

Gunfire echoed down the corridor, and Teyla went into action. She opened the power conduit tube and kicked the ladder into place. Alison waited while she climbed out and was surprised when the other woman turned to her. "Alison, will you take care of Torren for me?"

Alison blinked. "Of course." She accepted the baby, cuddling him close as his blankets loosened and draped down the front of her. Somehow, holding the baby helped her keep her own emotions in check, and she watched Teyla disappear around the corner. Letting the warmth of the sleeping baby seep into her, she headed for the nearest area where she could sit and cry over the loss of Carson Beckett.

oOo

"Stun field is neutralized." Zelenka's announcement brought Carson's head up. He'd been so focused on resisting the pull to the control room that he'd missed a good portion of what had happened. Michael's voice echoed in his head so loudly that he could barely hear anything. He'd experienced this once before, when he had Michael in his sights and tried to pull the trigger. But he hadn't been able to, and it had resulted in Teyla spending far more time in Michael's custody than any of them would have liked. Now, however, the stakes were higher. That monster had Alison and had used her to get to Carson. While Carson wanted nothing more than to murder Michael in cold blood, he knew he'd never be able to do so. The mind link would always prevent it.

Still, at this moment, he had an opening. If Michael was distracted, then his hold over Carson would weaken. It would take getting out of this lab, but Zelenka was distracted by working on the access codes. The little scientist had left the stunner Sheppard gave him lying on a table while he worked across the room. If Carson could resist Michael for just a few more moments, he could actually do something to end the threat of ever being taken advantage of like this again. He darted out the door as Zelenka said something about the self destruct. The Czech sputtered and raced for a radio, but Carson was gone before anything could be done.

Following the link in his mind, he made his way up to the Jumper bay and through it. The hold Michael had on him had lessened somewhat, though it felt different. Michael was running and hurt, something Carson had never quite seen before. He heard footsteps ahead of him and followed the sound, seeing Teyla ahead of him. She wasn't holding little Torren, and Carson wondered who had taken the child. Either way, Teyla stepped out onto the catwalk around the top of Atlantis's central tower in time to stop Michael's beating of an already-battered Sheppard. She and Michael exchanged blows and, when the opportunity presented itself, Carson rushed forward. Between his shove and Teyla's punch, Michael stumbled over the edge, managing to catch himself with the tips of his fingers. He struggled to pull himself up but was unable to do so due to his feet hanging into empty space.

Carson looked down on him and felt Michael's hold reassert itself. He clenched his fists, knowing he could not pull the creature to safety. The urge to do so became overpowering about the time Teyla reared back one foot and kicked Michael's left hand off the ledge. Michael switched his attention to her, halting Carson's involuntary step forward. "Teyla!"

Carson shook his head to clear it. The mind link had weakened considerably in that brief second, but it still had a slight hold over him. Before Michael could reestablish it, Teyla kicked Michael's right hand from the ledge.

Along with Teyla, Carson watched coldly as Michael plummeted to his death.

~TBC


	18. Freedom's Effects

Carson felt the moment Michael died. It was like a switch in his mind suddenly turned off, and his headache vanished. He blinked and shook his head slightly as he glanced at Teyla. She stood looking down, absolutely remorse-free as she considered what she'd done. For the first time since becoming a doctor, Carson understood. He'd been ready to kill Michael as well.

His doctor's mind took over, and he rushed to Sheppard's side. "Take it easy, Colonel."

Sheppard eyed him. "Thought I told you to stay put."

"Aye, and when have I ever listened to ya?" Carson performed a quick examination, concluding that the colonel was likely concussed, bruised, and probably had a couple of bruised or cracked ribs. All of it would heal, though it would require a stay in the infirmary. "Let's get ya up and to the infirmary."

Teyla came over to help, and Sheppard pushed Carson away. "Go find Alison, Doc. Michael was using her to get to you. She'll need to see you're okay." He turned to Teyla. "You, too, Teyla. Go make sure Torren's fine.

Carson hesitated while they left the catwalk and walked down the stairs into the Jumper bay. Once there, he saw Teyla nod. "If you're sure, Colonel."

"I'm sure." John gave him a quick nod. "Go." A moment later, the colonel spoke again. "Teyla."

"I am fine, John. I left Torren with Dr. Porter." Her voice told the two men that she would not be dissuaded.

Carson didn't need to be told twice, however. He lit out of the Jumper bay and down a corridor. He wasn't sure where Alison would be but knew she'd likely still be in the control room portion of the city. She had no way of knowing that the stun bubble had been neutralized or that Carson was still alive. Odds were good she was looking for him in the control room.

The area outside the control room—called the control room annex by some—hosted the dazed members who had gotten stuck in the control room by Michael's stun bubble. And Alison. Carson recognized her immediately, though she had her back turned. She wore an Atlantis uniform, and, when she turned, was cradling Torren in her arms. For just a moment, Carson froze. She looked down at the baby, smiling ever so slightly as she watched him sleep. Carson could see the lines on her face that showed she was fighting her own emotions, but he couldn't get past the thought of seeing her like that again. . . .holding _their_ child.

Then, she looked up. Her eyes widened, and the look of grief she'd worn just a moment ago melted away. She turned to Amelia, handing off the sleeping baby, and then rushed into his arms. Carson held her close, assuring himself that she was okay. By now, everyone figured out that the stun field had been neutralized and vacated the area.

Finally, Alison pulled back. She had tears in her eyes but had managed to keep from crying. "But Michael said. . . ."

"He was wrong, love." Carson took her face in his hands and kissed her. She melted into his embrace almost as if assuring herself that he really was alive and present. Rather than keeping it sweet and gentle, however, the emotions of the last few hours heightened the sensations passing between them. Alison buried her hands in Carson's hair, and he pulled her close to him. They stayed like that, stealing the other's breath, until someone cleared a throat.

Carson pulled back to see Jennifer's team rushing past her while she wore a smirk. "What have I told you about those kinds of kisses?"

For once, Alison didn't try to hide. She flushed, but she managed to hold Jennifer's gaze. Carson grinned, but the severity of the situation sent Jennifer along after breaking up their little make-out session. Carson waited until the medical team filed back through with an unconscious Ronon on the gurney. Jennifer stopped long enough to tell him that she had everything under control and to get some rest. She wanted to see him the next morning for a complete evaluation given his mind link with Michael.

Alison finally headed down the corridor toward crew quarters. "You're _sure_ you're okay?"

"Aye, love." Carson slipped his arm around her shoulders, walking slowly with her. "I'll be fine."

She looked up at him doubtfully. "Carson. . . ."

"I'll be fine," he repeated. He knew he'd talk to her about what it felt like, about his own experiences with Michael, but he wasn't ready. He needed to process it all himself, and she seemed to sense that.

At the door of her quarters, she stood and faced him. "Sure you don't want to come inside?"

"That wouldn't be a great idea, love." He smiled. "I need some time. But I promise that we'll talk. Now that I know you're okay."

"Aye. . .I mean, yeah." She flushed again, and Carson couldn't resist kissing her for the slip. She'd already told him that she'd picked up aspects of his Scottish accent, but _hearing_ it only made him love her more. She was alive. He was alive.

Life was good.

oOo

The next day, Carson reported to the infirmary as instructed. The previous night ended in a somewhat anticlimactic fashion as Jennifer had Ronon and Mr. Woolsey to see. She had, however, contacted Carson earlier that morning and ordered him to the infirmary as soon as he'd had breakfast. Now, he found her in her office.

"Come in." She smiled, but it was the smile of a doctor getting ready to examine a patient, not a friend to a friend. "I'm sure you know why you're here."

"Aye." Carson returned the smile, but part of him grinned at the memory of Alison's slip the night before. He'd kissed her then and hadn't left her room for another five minutes. Near death experiences always heightened emotions, and what they shared was intense enough without the night's incident to make it even more so. Now, however, he dragged his mind away from Alison and back into Jennifer's office. "Like I told Alison last night, I'll be fine."

"I know, and I'm not worried about you handling the psychological trauma of it, though I'd like you to speak with the base psychologist." She leaned forward. "Carson, Michael made you susceptible to the mind link. I'm worried about neurological effects his death may have had."

Carson couldn't argue with that. He submitted to the scans that Jennifer wanted to do and agreed to speak with the base psychologist within the week. Last night, after dropping Alison at her quarters, he'd gone to "their" balcony for a long time, staring out over the city and just thinking.

When he'd awakened this morning, he'd felt an emptiness he hadn't felt in a long time. The last time, he'd just left Scotland for the final time. He'd thought that it was simply the grief of leaving his homeland and his family to their lives, knowing that they still grieved for him. Now, he understood. He'd been removed from Pegasus, in a totally different portion of the universe from Michael. When he and the SGC psychologist had spoken just before his return to Atlantis, he'd been told that it might take years for the empty feeling to fade. He'd returned to Pegasus, started his mission, fell in love with Alison, and forgot about the empty feeling. Now, he understood. His mind, while not under Michael's direct control, had sensed the link.

He needed to deal with this. Carson let out a deep breath. Alison deserved an explanation, as did the psychologist. But he wanted to get it all straight in his head. He'd been controlled like that before, but the stakes had never been so high. The cost of fighting Michael had been painful, and he'd almost given in there at the end. Teyla had sensed it, though, and ended the struggle before it could become even more epic. Carson still wasn't sure how he felt about his "creation/creator" having been destroyed. All he knew for certain was that he was finally free. And with that freedom came options he hadn't considered before.

His mind returned to the previous night, seeing Alison holding Torren and his thoughts on the matter. He loved that woman more than he'd thought possible, and the knowledge that she loved him in return was secure. They disagreed, but their shared experiences—plus their pasts—made their "fights" seem tame by comparison. Not that they wouldn't have their moments. But he knew he wanted to spend the years he had left with her.

Decision made, Carson left the balcony and let the nightmares of his past rest for the moment. He had hopes to look toward, and he wanted to focus on those for the rest of the day.

oOo

The next day, Alison found Carson in their shared lab. He looked like he'd been there for a bit, bent over his computer and wearing his lab coat with the sleeves rolled away from his hands. Last night, he'd come by her quarter and took her to dinner. But he'd been quiet, reminding her of when Abihne had died back on Omari's home world. Just as she had then, she'd held his hand and simply enjoyed his presence. His amazing eyes sparkled at her every time he turned her way, but he'd lapsed into long silences that had nothing to do with their relationship and everything to do with recent events.

After he walked her back to her quarters, she waited until he was out of sight to seek out Colonel Sheppard. It only took her saying that she wanted to "take Carson away" to get him to approve use of a Jumper for a quick trip to the mainland. Teyla had helpfully supplied the coordinates of a prime fishing spot, and Alison had gathered cooler, fishing line, pole, and everything he might need. It was one of the few times she was grateful for such a great memory.

Now, she smiled when he glanced up. He looked exhausted even though he claimed to have slept. He sat back. "Hello, love."

"Hey." She sauntered over, deliberately giving him something other than work to think about. "I just got approval from Colonel Sheppard to head to the mainland. Feel like playing chauffeur?"

Carson blinked a couple times and then grinned. "I'd love a break." He quickly saved his work and shed his lab coat before they left. Alison held his hand, perfectly happy to be the one orchestrating a "day out." It reminded her of the meadow on Omari's home world, and she hoped Carson would remember it as fondly as she did the first time he took her away from daily life.

In the Jumper, he never even glanced at the supplies she'd gathered. Of course, she'd hidden all of the telling gear inside the Jumper's storage compartments, so Carson had no idea what she had planned. Which was fine with her. She settled into the copilot's chair and smiled out the front window as they left Atlantis. Carson was a decent pilot as much as he hated admitting it, but he relaxed after she gave him the coordinates.

On the mainland, he landed in a clearing not far from the fishing hole. Alison watched his face as she opened the storage compartments and brought out her surprise. He blinked and then grinned suddenly. Rather than accepting the fishing rod from her, he pulled her in for a kiss that was meant to be quick but turned into anything but. When he finally pulled back, Alison needed more than her normal amount of air. If this man didn't hurry up and make a move, she just might.

A short walk later found them on the edge of a pond similar to the one where she'd found him on New Balar. Of course, they all looked the same to her. She wasn't one to fish, but he loved it. They settled in, with Alison spreading a blanket on the shore while he set up his gear. It was the wrong time of day for fishing, but the action brought a peaceful smile to his face. She watched the tension melt from his shoulders and realized she'd made the right move. Rather than staring, like she wanted to, she pulled out the tablet she'd packed with her latest novel on it.

After a couple of hours, Carson joined her on the blanket. "Thank you, love." He gave her a sweet smile, one she hadn't seen in a couple of days.

She marked her place in her e-book. "You're welcome."

He sobered, and she recognized the lead-in to a serious talk. "I'm sorry about the other night." He shook his head. "I wasn't pushing you off. I just needed some time."

"I know."

"No, you don't understand." He met her eyes. "I have _always_ felt Michael in my head. Except for the time I spent on Earth, I've always had him in here with me. While I was on Earth, I thought it was leaving Scotland for the last time, but I was wrong. When Michael died, I realized what had happened. I'd been out of the galaxy, and his presence wasn't there. Now. . . .I have to learn that it's okay to be slightly. . .empty."

"Empty?"

"Aye, that's the best way to describe it." He smiled. "But my life is full, love. I have you, and that's enough for me. But this. . .feeling is. . . ." He shook his head. "I can't describe it. It's the strangest thing to know that I've had another person living in my head for my entire life."

At that moment, Alison knew he referred to his life as a clone, to his "birth" as the moment he woke in Michael's custody thinking he'd been captured. While it typically bothered her when he compared himself to the original Carson Beckett, she understood this time. He hadn't known a time when he didn't have that influence. "What was it like? Having him control you?"

Carson thought for a moment. "Irresistible." He met her eyes. "Have you ever had someone take your hand and _make_ you do something?" When she shook her head, he moved behind her, wrapping his arms around her to take her hands in his. It would have been romantic had he not been proving a point. "Now, resist me," he said into her ear. As she tried to resist, he used his superior strength to fold her hands into her lap. As soon as he'd made his point, he let her go, putting his hands on her shoulders. "It's like that, only in my head."

Alison turned in his arms and stared up into his eyes. She'd often felt pressed into service, but never like that. "Carson, I'm so sorry."

He smiled, but she saw the shadows in his eyes. "I know, love." He touched her face and smiled. "You know I love you."

"And I love you."

They stayed in that clearing all afternoon. Carson alternated between talking about his time as Michael's captive and teaching Alison to fish. While she enjoyed the latter, she knew that he needed the former. The stories would remain with her as a reminder that he might need these silent times more often than he got them. But she resolved to be the support he needed.

oOo

A week after Michael's death, Carson was called to a plague outbreak on a desert world. The village was some distance from the gate, so Colonel Sheppard flew him there. He left Alison with her lips stinging from a heated kiss and a promise to be back as soon as possible. Their relationship had grown since Michael's death, the level of trust he'd placed in her by telling her of his history only deepening what they'd shared. She returned to the lab, determined to handle his time away as stoically as Jennifer handled Evan's frequent absences.

After three days, she received word that Carson wanted her to join him. The world was dry, which was good for people with lung problems. He asked if she'd be willing to work with him in those conditions so that he could see if it really did help plague survivors as these survivors seemed to suffer a lot less than the Balarans and she had.

The day she stepped through the gate to that world seemed like a new lease on life. Alison smiled as Sheppard flew the Jumper toward the village. This _was_ a desert world, reminding her of her time in New Mexico. The bushes resembled mesquite, and she recognized adobe houses when she saw them. The heat felt like walking into a convection oven, but she smiled. Carson waited for her, wearing a light colored shirt and smiling brighter than this world's sun. And that's what mattered.

~TBC


	19. Returning Home

The next month passed in predictable fashion. Alison adjusted to the heat and was welcomed by the villagers. She learned to wear their clothing—which helped keep her cool—and enjoyed having Carson with her every day. She resumed her "housewifely duties," as Mehra called them, and loved every moment of it. The homes were built of something similar to adobe, with walls a foot-and-a-half thick that helped keep the heat out. Either way, she still wound up washing her clothing more often than she ever had.

Her health also improved. She breathed easier away from the moisture of Atlantis and loved waking every morning knowing that she wasn't fighting the infections she couldn't get away from back in the city. Part of her wanted to stay here so she'd stay healthy, but she knew she'd have to go back eventually.

A month after their arrival, Carson was recalled to deal with a situation on Atlantis. He left her in charge of the clinic, placing the health of the people squarely in her hands. She waved as he climbed aboard the Jumper Woolsey had sent, musing at the irony. The last few times someone had been left behind on a planet, it was Carson waving goodbye to her. This time, _she_ counted the days until he returned. The villagers, some of whom had become quite good friends, filled her time, and she happily greeted Carson's Jumper when he returned.

He caught her in his arms as she threw herself at him. "It's good to see you, too, love!" Then, he kissed her before she could even think about becoming embarrassed. The people in this village tended toward the demonstrative, and some of their traits had worn off on her.

That evening, she served their meal, complete with bread she'd baked in the oven behind the house, and settled into her own chair. "What happened?"

"You've heard of Janus's lab by now?" he asked. When she nodded, he continued, "Rodney had cut himself pretty badly, and Jennifer went down to help him. In moving things around, she touched a stone there. On another world, a criminal named Neeva Casol activated an Ancient communication device. It transferred her mind into Jennifer's body."

Alison cringed. "Major Lorne must have freaked out."

"Aye, he did." Carson smiled, though it was a tense smile, not one that was happy. "Before it ended, Neeva in Jennifer's body stabbed Radek, forcing him to have surgery before I could get there. She tried to say it was self-defense, but we figured it out. We wound up takin' her back to the planet and finding the communication device. I don't know what happened to her, only that Colonel Sheppard shut down the device and returned Jennifer to her body after I'd removed the bullet."

"She'll be okay?"

"Aye." Carson truly smiled this time. "I never thought I'd say it, but I, for one, am glad to _not_ be in control of that infirmary. Jennifer's done a wonderful job, and they're happy to have her back."

Alison touched his hand. "I'm happy to have you back."

The days passed after that, and Alison began to wonder if she'd need to make the first move toward making their relationship permanent. She liked being known as "his woman," as the villagers termed it since they weren't married, but she wanted the permanence that a commitment brought.

Before she could do much more than consider the ramifications, both she and Carson were recalled to Atlantis. Neither of them were told what had happened when Teldy appeared, just that they needed to hurry and leave. The villagers were understanding, and Alison packed up the native clothing she'd acquired for her "off duty" hours. Unfortunately, Teldy arrived during said off duty hours, and she was dressed in a long, sari-like outfit that covered all but one shoulder and her arms. She raised a few eyebrows when she arrived on Atlantis but quickly changed into her base uniform. Mehra managed to get a comment in about "going native," but Alison ignored it. Carson actually liked how she'd dressed, and she'd taken to wearing the outfits more often.

He was pulled into a meeting right away, leaving Teldy and Mehra to fill Alison in on the details. Todd the Wraith had contacted Atlantis, telling them of a ZPM-powered Hive ship on the edge of the Pegasus galaxy. It had managed to whump the _Daedalus_ before heading off to parts unknown. McKay figured out that a data burst from another reality had revealed the location of Earth. Atlantis was leaving the Pegasus galaxy to help their home planet. And Carson would be flying the city in Colonel Sheppard's absence.

Alison reported to the infirmary and made herself useful. With her practical field medic experience, Jennifer wanted her available to treat any wounded that might appear. Alison doubted her own abilities but knew that Carson had taught her well. He stopped by the infirmary long enough to give her a quick squeeze on the hand and to inform Jennifer that take-off would happen momentarily. Then, he was gone.

Alison stood in place as the great city roared to life. For the first time since returning to Pegasus after Vega's death, she was returning to Earth. Her mind went to her mother and to the hope that she'd have the chance to introduce Carson. She bit her lip. This mission needed to be a success, or every person on this base—including Ronon and Teyla—would be devastated beyond belief.

oOo

Three days later, Alison stood in her quarters. She could see the Golden Gate Bridge from her window, and it amazed her how different it felt to know that she was on _Earth_. This wasn't some alien world, this was where she was born. She and Carson had met up after the battle with the Super-Hive, as McKay had started calling it. He described flying the city to her, and she told him about her adventures in the infirmary. Jennifer spoke highly of the way she'd performed, but Alison was grateful to be getting back to research. Though, now that Atlantis was on Earth, that research might be a bit different. She forced her mind away from the Hoffan plague survivors waiting in Pegasus and simply enjoyed a few moments without the threat of Wraith hanging over her head.

An entry request at her door broke into her thoughts, and Alison smiled when she saw Carson standing there. He'd changed since coming back to Earth. The weight of his time with Michael had faded while they'd been on that desert planet, and his eyes sparkled. She stood on tip-toes to kiss him, intent on making this the moment they talked about their future. Since they were on Earth, she figured they needed to do something about it.

Carson pulled back way too soon for her liking. "Care to walk with me, love?"

"Always." She slipped her hand in his and walked with him to a balcony. Here, she had an unobstructed view of the Golden Gate Bridge. A group had already gathered, and Alison caught sight of Jennifer and Lorne headed their way, also hand-in-hand. The couple's wedding was only a month away, and she hoped to have news of her own long before that happened. She'd rather dance with her _fiance_ at their wedding rather than her boyfriend.

McKay found them a few moments later, then Ronon and Amelia Banks appeared. Finally, Sheppard also joined them with Teyla, completing the group. Carson stood next to Woolsey, his left hand laced with Alison's right hand as he smiled and looked over the Bridge before them. On the opposite end of the line, Evan shared some trivia about the Bridge as he was from San Francisco, and Alison let the chatter fade into the background. The breeze in her hair was refreshing, and she loved how the blue of the ocean and the blue of the sky made the blue of Carson's eyes appear even stronger.

"Nice view," Sheppard said.

"Yes, it is," Woolsey agreed.

Next to Alison, Carson shifted. She turned to him, surprised to see that he'd actually stopped looking at the view to dig into his pocket. Before she could say anything, he produced a tiny metal object and held it out in one trembling hand. Alison blinked as she recognized a ring she'd admired on the last world they'd visited. It bore a stone that changed color based on the lighting. Outdoors, it was a pale blue color, while it turned almost pink in candlelight. The wide band was smooth, with two tiny grooves decorating the center of it. Alison's eyes flew to Carson's, and she found him smiling at her.

"Carson?"

"Alison." His smile widened. "I should have done this a long time ago, but I wasn't sure what Pegasus would throw at us. So, I'm doin' it now. Marry me, love."

She blinked. Hearing the words for herself was so different than reading them. She wanted to squeal, to jump up and down, to do something totally characteristic and throw herself into his arms. But there were other people here, others who had no idea what was happening as they were too busy admiring the view. And so was Alison, only her view was Carson's hopeful face.

Finally, she found her voice. "Yes!" she whispered.

Carson's smile widened, and he slipped the ring onto her finger with shaking hands. He'd kept it very low-key, just like their relationship had started. But Alison wasn't able to keep the laugh of delight from escaping as he pulled her into his arms for a happy kiss.

"Hey, hey, he—Wait!" Sheppard's ribbing came to an abrupt halt when Carson came up for air. Alison realized they'd drawn an audience, all of whom grinned widely. Except the colonel. He pointed at Carson. "Did you just. . .?"

Carson straightened. "Aye, that I did."

Sheppard pointed at Alison. "And you said. . .?"

Alison grinned impishly. "Aye, that I did." She wasn't quite able to pull off Carson's accent, but she came rather close.

Sheppard's own crooked grin appeared. "Congratulations!"

Behind Sheppard, McKay frowned. "Okay, _that _was creepy. Only one person is allowed to talk like that."

Carson gave McKay a wry look. "Get used to it, Rodney. I like it!"

"Too _much_ information, Carson!" McKay groaned.

The couple was surrounded by the group, the view of the Golden Gate Bridge forgotten in favor of the view of Alison's engagement ring. Carson explained that the locals on their last planet mined the stone from their distant mountains and that it was quite rare. He'd acquired this one as a result of the tireless work the couple had put in helping Hoffan survivors. Knowing that it had been a gift didn't bother her. She'd secretly dreamed about the ring—and his proposal—for weeks.

Late that evening, the couple escaped onto their balcony, enjoying the view as much as they'd enjoyed the two visible moons back in Pegasus. For a long time, they simply stared at the sky. Carson pointed out the Big Dipper, and Alison found Orion's Belt. The familiarity in the stars felt good, but Alison couldn't help thinking that the stars were the one thing that had brought her to Carson.

"It's so different now." She smiled at him. "I went back because _you_ asked me to."

"I know, love." He slipped an arm around her waist. "I remember being disappointed that our first meeting ended so badly. I wanted to get to know you better, even then."

Alison turned to face him. "I'm glad you asked me to come back, Carson. There were times I almost lost hope, and having a mission really helped."

"Aye, that it did." He kissed her soundly, ending their conversation for a while. But that didn't matter to Alison. She relaxed into his arms and let out a happy sigh.

She had her dream right here, in her arms. And she couldn't think of any other place she'd rather be.

~TBC


	20. Epilogue

**Author's Note:** A huge thanks to everyone who has read as I've written this story. I know it was different, as Carson isn't a character I tend to write. Well, get used to it. I've come to love the character, and he will likely be featured heavily in many stories from now on. Thank you so much to **theicemenace** and **Ani-Maniac494** for the beta. You two made this a much better story. Without further ado, I give you the epilogue and happy ending! ~lg

oOo

"Only a man _very_ secure in his masculinity would wear something like _that_," Rodney declared as he stared at Carson.

Carson glanced down at the tux jacket he wore with a bow-tie, wide belt, Scottish sporran draped across the front of him, and kilt of primarily green with red, cream, and navy plaid through it. His cream-colored socks, or kilt hose, came to his knees, complete with the sgian dubh, a sheathed knife worn in the top of his kilt hose. He met his best friend's eyes. "Well, thank you, Rodney."

McKay rolled his eyes and went back to the mirror. As best man, it was his job to carry the wedding ring Carson had bought for Alison, as well as give a toast at the reception. Carson was a bit nervous about Rodney's toast, but he knew the physicist would—hopefully—keep it brief.

It was hard to believe this day had finally come. It had been four months since he landed Atlantis in the San Francisco Bay. A furious battle over whether the city stayed on Earth or returned to Pegasus had ensued, leaving Sheppard and Woolsey torn between their duties to the city and spending time at the SGC. Jennifer and Evan married on time, and they spent their honeymoon in an undisclosed location. And Carson knew Rodney had tried to find it. As for himself, Carson continued his research with Alison at his side as they planned their wedding. But he hadn't told her everything yet.

As they'd sat in her quarters two days after she accepted his proposal, he remembered her comment at their first date following her brush with death about returning to the mountains of New Mexico. She'd responded well to the dry climate of their last "posting," as she referred to it, and he wanted to see her stay that healthy. So, he'd begun looking at mountain homes. Today, they married in a beautiful New Mexico home with wide windows facing out to a breathtaking view of the landscape. The summer heat wasn't so bad here in the mountains, and Carson looked forward to giving the wedding gift to her. When they'd been searching for a location to have the wedding, he'd brought her here, saying the owner would give them permission. _And, indeed, he had_, Carson thought as he straightened his bowtie. As the owner of this beautiful property, _he_ had given his permission.

An hour later, Carson stood in front of the windows, staring at the equally breathtaking vision walking down the stairs toward him. Alison wore a white gown fitted along her figure, gathered to one hip with a embellished clip. She'd added a jacket over her shoulders and an elbow-length veil that covered her head and face. She had confided in him recently that her favorite part of a traditional wedding was when the groom lifted the veil from the bride's face. They had agreed to give the other the wedding of their dreams, and he loved seeing the expression on her face when she saw him wearing his kilt for the first time. It had to reflect the expression he had as he watched her walk toward him with her mother. At this moment, he thought all the chaos was worth it all.

When she joined him at the altar, they turned to face Richard Woolsey. Rodney stood as best man, with Sheppard, Ronon, and Lorne as groomsmen. Teldy, Teyla, and Jennifer were bridesmaids, but Alison had asked Mehra, of all people, to be maid-of-honor. The Marine stood somewhat uncomfortably in her bridesmaid gown. Carson thought she looked stunning as she typically wore her base uniform, but he knew Mehra wouldn't appreciate the comment. But Alison. . . .She was breathtaking.

The wedding passed with few problems. Alison had a slight issue with getting Carson's ring over his knuckle as he'd managed to sprain it recently, but they otherwise made it through. Finally, Woolsey pronounced them husband and wife, telling Carson that he could kiss his bride. Knowing how special this moment was for Alison, he took his time with lifting her veil, and then he took his time properly kissing her. Given that their small wedding consisted of Alison's mother and their friends on Atlantis, cheers and hoots erupted, though none of them were inappropriate.

Alison's mother had done an amazing job of preparing the back yard of the house for a reception. The summer heat hadn't climbed too high, and the mountain air was as refreshing as the ocean air on Atlantis. Carson had hopes that Alison's time in these mountains would help restore her health to full capacity as she'd struggled through the last four months with a variety of respiratory infections due to the Hoffan plague. Once outside, they cut their wedding cake, looped arms to drink the champagne, and danced their first dance as husband and wife. As he held her close, Carson reflected on all that they'd endured and shook his head in amazement. He'd had no idea that he was asking his future wife to join him when he mentioned that she'd be a great help to the work he would be doing. All those months ago, Alison had intrigued him. That intrigue had grown into an all-encompassing love that helped him put his demons to rest.

The reception ended with various Atlantis personnel leaving for their own evenings. The Lornes had a trip planned to see Jennifer's father, and Mehra and Chuck left hand-in-hand. Carson suspected there would be another wedding announced soon and couldn't help smiling that the Atlantis Expedition had found happiness.

Finally, all that remained were Colonel Sheppard, Teyla, Ronon, and Rodney. Carson had escorted Alison back inside as the evening progressed, ever mindful of her health without hovering. The house looked like a hurricane went through it, and Carson had assured his new mother-in-law that they could handle the clean-up. Now, Alison turned to him. "You haven't told me where we're going for our honeymoon," she whispered.

Sheppard gave away his excellent hearing when he turned. "Yeah, Doc, where ya headed?"

Carson glared, though he couldn't really get too upset. The colonel always teased the people close to him. Turning back to Alison, Carson's glare melted into a smile. "_We _aren't going anywhere, love. _They_ were just leaving."

Alison blinked at him. "Carson?"

Sheppard stepped forward at that moment to shake Carson's hand, taking his cue from the Scot. "Congratulations, Doc." He turned to Alison. "You, too."

Teyla stepped forward to hug Alison and Carson both, while Rodney just shook hands with them. Ronon, however, engulfed Carson in one of his massive bear hugs. The Satedan had turned into a big softie around all the wedding talk, and Carson knew he had to be contemplating his relationship with Amelia.

As soon as Rodney closed the door behind the group, Alison faced her new husband. "Carson? I thought we only had permission to have the wedding here."

"Aye, that we did." He took her by the shoulders. "I told ye that the owner had given permission for us to have the wedding in his house. I didn't tell you who the owner is, though."

She shook her head, her confusion evident. "Does it matter? We've got a huge mess to clean up before we can leave."

Carson smiled. "That's where you're wrong, love." He moved to an envelope he'd placed on top of the mantle. Handing it to her, he smiled. "_My_ wedding gift to you."

Alison quickly opened the envelope, pulling out the loan agreement for the house. Her eyes widened. "It's _our_ house?"

"Aye." He pulled her into his arms. "And the owner did give permission. I spoke with him this mornin' while I was gettin' ready for the wedding."

Alison squealed and launched herself into his arms. He kissed her, something he enjoyed doing on a regular basis. But, now, with wedding vows exchanged, he had no reason to hold back. When she pulled away and glanced at the mess, he smiled. "Leave it, love. It'll keep until morning."

Her eyes sparkled as she smiled at him. "Aye," she said in a rather good imitation of his accent. "That it will."

Happy with her decision, Carson Beckett led his bride upstairs and closed the door on the world.

~The End~


End file.
